Coffee with The Couple Cure

Addicts have to avoid these major pitfalls if they're going to recover from their addictions… and if they're going to rebuilt trust. This episode also covers signs to look for in order to know if the addict is serious about recovery.

Episode Summary:

-Some groups allow masturbation

-Co-ed groups

-Knowing what serious recovery looks like

-Applying 12 Step principles to trauma can do more damage

0:00 Intro

0:42 Major Pitfall One: Some Sex Anonymous groups allow masturbation (and this can lead to more lies)

1:52 Major Pitfall Two: Not being careful in Co-ed groups

3:59 Major Pitfall Three: Using group time to badmouth your wife

Addicts have to avoid these common pitfalls if they're going to recover from their addictions… and if they're not going to make things worse in the relationship.

Episode Summary:

-Signs of impending relapse

-Sponsorship and Accountability Partnership

-Avoiding becoming a dry drunk

-The "24-Hour Reprieve"

0:00 Intro

1:02 Pitfall One: Relapse (not knowing the signs of it)***

2:39 Pitfall Two: Confusing the roles of the sponsor and accountability partner / What Jay looks for in sponsors

If God is good, how can He allow things like addiction, betrayal, lies and abuse? In this episode we cover that difficult topic. While we address the ancient saying, "fill up the sufferings of Christ," we also add a caveat for partners who've been lied to and mistreated.

Episode Summary:

-How can a loving God allow certain things?

-Filling up the sufferings of Christ

-How betrayed spouses can know if they should STOP suffering to get through to the addict

-Kittens & Crawling into God's arms

-We both break down and cry

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro

0:46 How can God allow certain things: First thought (another meaning for "will")

2:35 Second thought (connectibility)

3:20 Third (when the sun always shines there's little…)

The full version of the Serenity Prayer isn't well known, yet if addict's adhered to, it can bring them happiness—a happiness that can replace the pleasure betrayal and lies bring. This episode covers that, while difficult, courageous surrender is the quickest way to joy.

Episode Summary:

-The rest of the original Serenity Prayer

-Addicts may not be good at a certain part of this

-Balancing acceptance and abuse

-How surrender isn't passivity

-What happiness will look like on this earth, and when supreme happiness happens

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro to the FULL Serenity Prayer

1:13 Living (and enjoying) one moment at a time / this helped heal Lori

3:20 Addicts may not be good at this… but if they could just do this…

3:56 Accepting hardships has a purpose / What led to Jay abusing Lori***

Most people have heard the first three lines of the Serenity Prayer, but it's usually the popular version. The original version is much richer. And its main tenants are essential for recovery from porn and sex addiction, and especially lies. This episode covers the first three lines of that Prayer. (The next episode will cover the rest.)

Episode Summary:

-Being 'strong and courageous'

-When the addict's expectations aren’t met

-The quickest way to change our situation is to… but only if…

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro to the Original Serenity Prayer

2:15 The second part of the original prayer / What serenity may look like for the addict

3:47 Why we are to call each other into our nobility ("Addicts have to have evidence of life change")***

Many recovering addicts create more pain by using this Step to abandon their wives. This episode covers what addicts can do instead, especially if he's betrayed her, lied to her, or used abusive tactics with her.

Episode Summary:

-Step 12 of the 12-Steps

-Are we really powerless to change others' behavior? (One of the most difficult things for addicts to accept.)

-How addicts can change their thinking (when tempted) and how to NOT cause more pain with this step.

-What Jay's mask wearing looked like, when there wasn't a big spiritual awakening

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro to Step 12 (It's not about advertising, it's living it out)

1:44 How To fulfill this step / Addicts' acceptance

3:13 Are we really powerless to changes others' behavior? / When it doesn't work

It's one thing to lay down an addiction, but it needs to be replaced with something more life-giving. This episode is about taking your sobriety further on a daily basis through relationship with God/your Higher Power. We offer practical ways to accomplish this, as well as cautions for rebuilding trust after betrayal, lies and abuse.

Episode Summary:

-Step 11 of the 12-Steps (Increasing your conscious contact with God & praying for HIS will and HIS Power)

-One difference between prayer and meditation

-It's about living in a surrendered way… daily

-Side note for betrayed partners and this step in the Bible

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro to Step 11 / Jay's take on how prayer and meditation are different / Ways to meditate***

3:04 Praying for God's will & surrendering / Conscious contact with God

4:29 One major benefit of meditation / How Lori did this the previous year

We all mess up, but after betrayal trauma and lies, but if an addict wants to rebuild trust, they have to be prompt about making things right. This episode covers a few techniques to make this an easier process. It also covers how Lori knows Jay's character changed.

Episode Summary:

-Step 10 of the 12-Steps

-How to avoid the slippery slope

-One way to rewire the addicted brain

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro to Step 10 (Continuing to take a personal inventory and when I'm wrong…) / This should be done daily

2:08 One way to do this and why***

Episode Summary:

-Step 9 of the 12-Steps

-How to handle the exception written in the step

-The most sincere form of an apology

-Excuses people make to not do this step

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro to Step 9 (making direct amends)

1:28 The exception explained

2:43 One caution when you feel free afterward / Disclosure specifics

Whether it's through betrayal, trauma, abuse or lying, addictions can cause a lot of harm. In this episode, Jay and Lori cover the first step to making it right, as well as what to do if you're not ready to.

Episode Summary:

-Step 8 of the 12-Steps

-The first steps in making amends

-Cautions if you're not ready to make things right

-God can change our "want to's"

Timestamps:

0:00 Intro and explanation of Step 8: We made (this list)

2:16 "Just because I'm willing, doesn't mean…" & Jay's personal experience

4:16 This step isn't about relationship—neither is…