Comeback Stories

On this episode of Comeback Stories, Darren & Donny are joined by David Meltzer, 3x International Best-Selling Author and Host of The Playbook Podcast. David's mission in life is to empower over 1 billion people to be happy, and he details how he overcame his own share of pain & setbacks on his road to happiness.

David explains how his faith and consistent nature has allowed him to maintain a "profitable, purposeful & passionate" life. He also describes how therapy is absolutely essential for everyone, teaching us how to both heal and learn about ourselves simultaneously.

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🚀 DARREN WALLER 🚀

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🚀 DONNY STARKINS 🚀

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On this episode of Comeback Stories, Darren & Donny are joined by Raiders Pro Bowl DE Maxx Crosby. Maxx starts by describing how he grew up extremely insecure as a child and had a singular focus in chasing his dream of being an NFL star. He then talks about how alcoholism overpowered that strong will and almost took everything away at the height of his early NFL career.

Maxx speaks about the support he's received to stay the course and how those loved ones have inspired him to stay sober for over two years now. He also describes to how a day-to-day approach in getting sober gave him both the structure & perspective to amplify his leadership on the field.

Follow Maxx Here:

https://twitter.com/CrosbyMaxx

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💻 https://www.comebackstories.com/

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🚀 DARREN WALLER 🚀

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🚀 DONNY STARKINS 🚀

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On this episode of Comeback Stories, Darren & Donny are joined by Michael Phelps. Michael shares his story of battling depression on his way to winning 28 medals, becoming the most decorated Olympian of all-time. Michael talks about consciously deciding to leave himself vulnerable, the process of dealing with deep rooted family issues & his subsequent therapy and recovery.

Michael tells you how small changes made a huge difference in his mental health awareness, how quarantining during the pandemic helped to separate his personal & professional lives, and why becoming a mental health advocate has opened his eyes to a greater sense of self.

Support & Follow Michael Here:

https://michaelphelpsfoundation.org/

https://twitter.com/michaelphelps?lang=en

Have a question or topic for our next show? Text or leave us a VM at 480-701-8844

💻 https://www.comebackstories.com/

► YouTube! 💻 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1lqMKbuqPjUseWHt755AFQ/featured

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🚀 DARREN WALLER 🚀

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🚀 DONNY STARKINS 🚀

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After overcoming drug addiction that led to homelessness and prison, Tony Hoffman went on to acquire many great accolades. His goal is to motivate his audience through the methods he personally used to overcome his struggles into the one choice that can change the rest of their life for the better. Learn about the quote that Tony discovered in prison that unlocked the mental shackles he had placed on himself, and about Tony’s journey out of addiction and despair into a life of service and gratitude.

• Tony grew up in a typical middle class family where his parents worked all the time. His parents' absence very often meant that Tony had to figure things out on his own. He was naturally gifted at sports and fell in love with basketball despite being short.
• The biggest challenge as an athlete for Tony was that he didn’t have the life skills necessary to be coachable while growing up. Tony struggled with mental health issues because of the hole in his life where he needed his parents to be.
• Tony talks a lot about being 12 years old, which was the time in his life when he started to form his perspective on the world. His social anxiety led to self-loathing. He confessed his thoughts to his mother, but her inability to handle the situation only made things worse.
• Tony didn’t want to be treated like he was better than other people. He had to hire a sports psychologist to help him accept that he was gifted, and beating someone in sports doesn’t mean you are better than them.
• He ignored many teachers who tried to teach him about life when he was younger because he wasn’t ready to learn at that time. Tony’s first basketball coach was one of them.
• Tony quit racing at 18 to take a computer networking job in San Francisco. It was at that time he started experimenting with marijuana. This process of experimentation led to an oxycontin addiction which eventually resulted in Tony being a part of an armed house invasion of his best friend’s house to steal pills.
• Tony likens an opioid withdrawal to suffering from a flu that’s 100 times worse than usual, and you can get rid of the symptoms with a single pill.
• Tony’s rock bottom occurred a few years later where he was strung out on heroin and meth, and his brokenness made him lose all concern for himself. The drugs that he thought were fixing his pain were killing him, and he knew that and didn’t care.
• Tony had a spiritual experience on Jan 21, 2007 after being sentenced to prison. Tony tells people that he had been in a mental prison for 23 years, one that he created himself. Most people have created a mental prison for themselves without realizing it. While he was in jail, Tony saw a quote on the ceiling of his cell that changed his life.
• Tony realized that his gift was given to him for a reason and he became committed to getting out of prison and making the most of it. He decided that he would commit to doing the little things well and that would lead to making the big things better.
• Tony changed his narrative from quitting everything he ever tried to knowing that he is deserving of love and passing it on to other people. 
• Human beings seem to be the only beings on the planet that only take and rarely give back. Tony feels like that is the source of his discontent, and he can only feel fulfilled by giving and service to others.
• The pandemic has been challenging for Tony since he shifted so much of what he was doing to public speaking, but as long as he knows what his values are they will always lead him to where he is effective. Focusing on the house, or the car, or the wealth will always lead to an empty well.
• Understanding your core values is important because they are the bedrock for who you are. When you fall out of alignment with those core values, that’s when things fall apart.
• Tony views going to prison and being stuck with himself as a gift. It forced him to assess the times in his life when he felt happy and what his core values are, specifically determination, focus, compassion, and empathy.
• Being in prison highlights what really has value in your life. It shows how valuable your time is, your ability to walk and breathe and communicate with people in a way that inspires them.
• Tony’s definition of discipline is doing good work even when you don’t feel like it. This plays into Tony’s morning routine where it’s very regulated. One thing he focuses on in particular, is that when he’s in a vehicle he spends as much time as possible meditating.
• Tony’s sobriety model is based in spirituality and honesty. He needs to be able to be honest with himself and others, and quiet time is how he connects with his true self. Committing to be honest with yourself is the foundation for being a better person.
• There are many paths to sobriety. Use what works for you.
• If you’re struggling right now, talk to somebody who knows what you want help with. Sometimes something as simple as a conversation is all that stands between you and what you want.
• Tony’s comeback story goes to his best friend KP. KP has struggled with addiction just like Tony and has put in the work to get sober and has picked himself back up each time he fell down.

Mentioned in this Episode:

@tonymhoffman on Instagram 

Facebook.com/TonyHoffmanSpeaking

One Choice podcast

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Carl Nassib joins us to do his first interview since coming out publicly in the NFL. His story is a testament for everyone to look deeper and realize that we all share similarities in this life of truth, discovery and triumph. In hopes to inspire the youth and bring further awareness about the LGBTQ community. Being the first does not mean having to stand alone.

• Carl felt he had a huge obligation to the LGBTQ community to come out publicly and tell his story. He did not come out publicly to break barriers. It wasn’t until 4 years ago when he actually realized he was Gay. He struggled with the idea that he needed to be someone else’s priority.
• He came from an Athletic family of 4 kids, his Mother, father and siblings were also in sports.
• Carl never lacked in Confidence, due to his mother who alway’s pushed him to be his best, keep a high standards.
• He never puts too much stock in things or people that put him down in life, only focuses on the things that brings him happiness.
• While in College at Penn State was the nation leader in sacks.
• Before becoming a Raider, he played for the Browns but was later cut from the team. This fueled his fire to play better and be the best.
• He learned early on to not focus on being like others but to be himself.
• Carl is the first active NFL player to come out publicly as gay, which coming out to his family was already stressful, however with the support of family and friends, this eased his decision to go public.
• He feels that if he can just help a few kids who are also finding themselves in a similar situation than it would allow him to sleep better at night.
• Teammates Darren Waller, Maxx Crosby have played a pivotal role inspiring Carl by telling their individual life stories in a team meeting. Choosing to come out publicly in the NFL has proven to be even more stressful, most would believe it to be the opposite.
• Your confidence shouldn’t be based on what other people say if you think you’re amazing because of what other people say, you don’t have confidence.
• Be confident seven days a week.

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Oliver Davis shares the story of how his love for football and the willingness to put in the work every single day eventually became the basis for his successful private coaching practice, and how setbacks can be blessings in disguise on your journey to doing what you love. Learn about Oliver’s 4D philosophy and why something as small as a 1% improvement each day can change your life completely.

• Growing up was competitive for Oliver, especially being the youngest kid in a large family. It was a challenge moving to Georgia after living for years in Texas, but overall it was fun.
• At the time, moving from a small town to another state was a big change and very disruptive to Oliver’s life and expectations, but looking back, it was the best move his family could have made at the time. 
• In many ways it was good for Oliver. He went from being a big fish in a small pond on the football field, to playing with guys that were bigger than he was, so he had to learn how to adapt.
• He remembers being frustrated with having to sit on the bench a good portion of the time, but Oliver always believed that if he put in the work he would get his shot.
• At the end of Oliver’s sophomore season, everything changed. His new coach came in and changed everybody’s mindset around grades and what it means to succeed in life beyond just excelling on the field.
• Oliver never made it to the NFL, but he knew that chances were slim being 5’8” tall and was more than happy being able to give it everything he had when he was on the field. Now he carries that same mindset into the world of business.
• The first real message that stuck with him came from his coach during his sophomore year who put grades first. He taught Oliver that he could be the next guy to come through and make a difference.
• It’s easy to think that some people are meant to be certain things, but some people work their way to being the best, and why can’t that be you?
• Oliver’s lowest point was in being barred from playing football during his senior year. He remembers going to a number of different camps and working with a number of different teams just to keep football in his life. He leaned on his discipline and took a major chance that eventually resulted in landing a position in the AFL.
• Oliver’s father was always a positive example of hard work and consistent effort in his life, and he demonstrated the pattern that Oliver could emulate and bring to the field.
• Once Oliver’s family was on the way, he knew he needed to start thinking about making money outside of what he was earning in the AFL. He got a job merchandising for Coca-Cola and quickly figured out a system that grew his route rapidly, born out of his mindset and discipline.
• Oliver started running into a ceiling on what he could earn and achieve at that job, so he pivoted into brokering and logistics. He didn’t know what he was doing, but he had the mindset of success and doing what it takes to figure things out. The whole time, football coaching was always on Oliver’s mind.
• He decided that he was going to make a go of turning his passion into a business while still working full-time. Oliver asked his boss for a probation period to give him some runway, and put up some videos on Instagram and jumped into private coaching.
• It’s a process to find your purpose. Some things aren’t going to work for you and that’s okay. 
• If people were really disciplined and didn’t just talk about it, and stayed true to what they want they would get what they want. The common thread through every story of success is they never gave up.
• Oliver never expected to be an entrepreneur, but all his experiences and training have moulded him to be the leader he is today. 
• Daily discipline determines destiny. The things you do every single day will lead you to where you are going to be.
• If you think you’re worthy of the things you want, honor that every single day. If you can get 1% better every day, you will eventually achieve all the goals that you’re working towards. It will just be a matter of time.
• If you’re struggling right now, it’s never too late to get yourself in order. There are multiple examples of people who achieved their success at the age of 50. Always know that no matter where you are now, you can make the choice to change and improve things.
• Be optimistic, think positive, and write things down. You have to be the first person to believe in yourself and set the foundation for you to build on.
• Oliver’s comeback story shoutout goes to his wife. She was the one person that never doubted him and could see the vision he had. 

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Laura McKowen shares her story of discovery and pain in struggling with an alcohol addiction, and how nearly losing her daughter brought her back from the brink. Find out how Laura learned the way to find purpose in the everyday little things that make up life, why gratitude outweighs pain, and why the struggle with addiction is the common peril that connects everybody.

• Laura grew up in a suburban town in Colorado. Her parents were divorced and she spent a lot of time around people who drank. As a consequence of her parents separating, she became hyper-attuned to everyone else’s emotions. The demands of the external world eventually became too stressful to handle and they manifested internally.
• Her earliest memories of struggle were of contorting herself around her father’s tendency toward anger. She experienced that as low self-esteem and being whoever the other person needed her to be at the time.
• If you don’t have a sense of identity for yourself and your sensation of being okay is determined by the outside world, you’re not going to feel okay.
• Laura was told by authority figures in her life that she was tough and resilient because she didn’t project her pain on the surface. She tried to live up to that perception, which only drove the pain deeper.
• We develop false selves when our needs are not getting met. We need these false selves on the surface to interface with the world, but if you don’t have a stable core underneath, you are always performing which leads to addiction because the pain can be too great.
• We often build our entire lives around this performance. To denounce it is to blow up your life, so we avoid doing that.
• Laura’s grandmother comes to mind as one of her earliest teachers, but she found many of her teachers in books. She had always been attracted to Buddhism and has been drawn back to Pema Chödrön many times over the years.
• Her greatest moment of adversity was hitting the wall with her drinking. After waking up next to a stranger instead of taking care of her four year old daughter, she knew she had a major problem. Despite her outward appearance of success, Laura put in jeopardy the most important person in her life and she couldn’t reconcile those two things.
• Extracting herself from the emotional, physical, and psychological addiction was the hardest thing she had ever done. It was the dark night of the soul that lasted a year and a half.
• In that time of purgatory, Laura got a taste of sobriety. Just getting through a day without drinking was the challenge she had to overcome and it took a few months of effort before she had a tough day that didn’t require a drink to get through.
• Being an author, podcast, and CEO are all parts of the expression of Laura’s potential, as much as the little things.
• Your purpose doesn’t have to be as big as your destiny. It can be the moment to moment events of each day and how you choose to show up for them. It’s often the unseen actions that feel the best.
• Being in purpose is a practice, but what we practice gets stronger.
• “If you bring forth what is within you, what will bring forth will save you, and if you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” -Gospel of Thomas
• When you spend time with people who have been through something hard, nothing surprises you anymore. What’s extraordinary is the ability to let something go and make meaning of it.
• At the beginning of Laura’s reckoning with her alcohol addiction, she realized that we all have some addiction. It’s the most ordinary story of humanity, and she realized that she wasn’t alone in her struggle.
• The struggle is the common peril that connects us.
• Gratitude is a blanket over everything Laura experiences now. She’s grateful specifically for being okay in any given moment, even when she isn’t really alright. Being satisfied in an everyday moment is enough.
• What is enough? We all feel the disease of more and it will erode all your achievements and happiness if you let it.
• Darren practices self acknowledgement to avoid the never ending race of needing to always be more. Acknowledge yourself for the progress you have made.
• Defining your own level of success is important for feeling happy. Don’t measure your success against other people’s standards.
• Everyone has to do this work, but for people in recovery the stakes are a bit higher so it’s more present and clear in our lives.
• Writing your thoughts and feelings down has been proven to improve health factors and doing it coaxes things from the subconscious to the conscious, which is the only way to release them. If you can maintain an attitude of curiosity, you can start to reveal things to yourself. 
• Verbalize what scares you to someone you trust.
• Laura’s comeback story shoutout goes to her daughter. She has taught Laura what it means to love someone without reservation. Without her, Laura wouldn’t have learned how to talk to herself. Being a mother grounds her to her true purpose.

Mentioned in this Episode:

lauramckowen.com

theluckiestclub.com

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On this episode of “Monday Motivation Raw,” Donny talks about the “Four C’s of Mental Toughness,” and how these four practices/qualities can make your mind strong, and your life beautiful.

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Kelsey Chittick talks about the emotions and pain of losing a partner, and how the process of grieving and allowing herself the space to feel and release her emotions showed her that healing is possible. She learned that when you share your pain with the people that support you, it gets better.

• Kelsey says she grew up living a charmed life. She spent her childhood in a small town in Florida with a close-knit family. Kelsey focused on sports as she got older and eventually met her future husband in college.
• This gave her a strong foundation for the rest of her life. Her grandfather was very spiritual and her mother and father allowed Kelsey to choose her own spirituality, as long as it ended in love. Her mom was way ahead of the game, diving deep into self-improvement and meditation well before it was cool.
• She didn’t struggle as a child in the same way that some others have. Kelsey’s brother dealt with addiction to drugs and alcohol, but Kelsey’s first real experiences of pain didn’t happen until she was in her 30’s, after she had kids and when her husband passed away.
• Her first real teacher was her grandfather. He taught Kelsey that she had everything she needed inside of her to heal and be who she wanted. Kelsey says she married her husband because he was so similar to her grandfather.
• We are given a vehicle and must decide how to drive it. Kelsey’s husband Nate used his football career to get people to pay attention, and then used it to have real conversations with them.
• Two years before Nate died, Kelsey started to feel that something was off. She could tell that he wasn’t the same and something was wrong. Kelsey later went on a spiritual retreat to Jamaica and on the last day she got the call that brought her to her knees.
• On the flight home, Kelsey made the decision to be there for her kids and do what she needed to do to be present. Now meditation is the most important part of her routine. She still gets anxious and fearful, but she fights to be alright everyday.
• You have to do it until it stops feeling weird. Yoga and meditation can be challenging when you begin but if you keep at it, eventually it becomes easier.
• Kelsey’s lowest point happened around a year after her husband died. After all the logistics were finalized, there was just the hole that was left. The nights with the kids were the worst. She was not prepared for their pain and it took two years for Kelsey to figure out how to support them, which for them was sitting next to them without saying a word.
• At the beginning of Kelsey and Nate’s relationship, his brother was 13 years sober, and they committed to sitting with the awful. After Nate died, this became about embracing the grief and feeling the emotions until they passed. Kelsey allowed herself to feel the tsunamis of grief as they came so she could move on.
• Kelsey has always loved to write and be on stage. The experience of losing her husband gave Kelsey the opportunity to write about something truly meaningful, and the book she wrote after Nate died was born out of the journals she wrote afterward.
• Compared to the pain of the last four years, Kelsey feels like she’s on drugs, metaphorically speaking. The joy outweighs the pain now and life feels more bright. It wasn’t until recently that she could see the beauty of it all.
• The power of journaling is that it gives you the ability to get things that are eating you up out of you.
• Writing things down is the great gift of handing something over to something bigger than you. One benefit of journaling is you see your growth over time and when hard things happen, you get the mindset of having dealt with hard things before.
• We’ve all been through hard times, and they need to be honored just like the good times.
• There is a difference between meditating, yoga, and having a meditation practice, which is something that Kelsey realized only recently. When doing anything public like a podcast, Kelsey used to get herself fired up but now she tones things down so she can settle herself.
• Her morning routine starts with a meditation from Sam Harris. If you’re just getting started with meditation, start with something in your ear. It could be either music or someone speaking but it will help you. After a while, you can get to sitting in silence. That's great.
• For Kelsey, emotion needs motion, so she moves her body a lot through walking and yoga. Yoga has helped her process a lot of the emotion and pain that came from the last four years.
• Kelsey is proud of making it through everything. When life is simple and easy, you don’t think you can handle the hard times. Kelsey was tested, and she and her kids made it through.
• We don’t have a lot of choice about what happens to us, but we have a huge choice on how we deal with what happens and how we define it, and a lot of that comes from the language we use. Kelsey decided to change the story she was telling herself about her life and reframe it.
• What you speak becomes your truth, and your truth becomes your reality.
• You can go back and change one thing in your life without changing everything. She doesn’t want her son to play football, but she wouldn’t go back and change the fact that her husband did play because then she wouldn’t have had the life she did have with him.
• If you’re struggling right now, find a community and people who will hold you accountable who are also joyful and will keep you moving. Do one thing better each day and find support. Time heals but how you get there is up to you.
• Kelsey’s comeback story goes out to everyone in her town, who showed up in ways that are hard to describe after Nate’s passing, as well her friends and family who carried that pain with her.

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Today is Darren's 29th birthday and the start of the season - yet a great day to have that beginner's mind...

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