Outside the country for a month and lazy. I need to get motivated and do something.

I find that I am more comfortable taking a risks expressive myself through music, speech, or social engagement Taking these risks exposes me to occadional embarrasment, which does not seem to hurt me much now that I am sober. I wish I was laughing more but I expect that to improve with time. The underlyibg change in me is that I don't take myself so seriously anymore.

I ofren do or say what others expect of me - somethijg I call "People Pleasing". I get myself into difficult situations when I do this which has created drama and anxiety. I need to be careful about people-pleasing

Some days go by without thinking about using any pot, which is miraculous for me. Some days were difficult though because of sadness or anger. I am dealing better than previous attempts at sobriety.

My Christmas gift to young listeners is a warning. Modern weed is dangerous for young brains, it can make kids psychotic, or permanently damage their brain. Bryn Spejcher turned psycho and killed the guy she was smoking with. She told her story to Dr. Phil in the video below.

https://youtu.be/vrSfv_Wrfac?si=ED3wtR3BYM--WoJJ

I am feeling a heaviness in my chest and not connecting with others very well. I want to be aware of sensations in my body and the feeings that cause them. Then I want to identify life events that cause those feelings. Once I trace it back to life events, I can determine what I can control: change what I can and accept what I cannot.

I am now sober longer the second longest time period in my entire adult life. It should be a a time to celebrate but my feelings are mixed.

A primitive fear of death might be a root cause of my addiction. I use alcohol and drugs to comfort my fears and insecurities.

I listened some audio journals from my last attempt at quitting THC and compare to how I am doing this time. My last attempt lasted 56 days until relapse.

Three events made me feel like I dont belong. I notice that this emotion can dominate how I feel about everything. Individual events do not take away all purpose in life. The truth is that there are communities and groups where I fit in just fine.