Complete Sobriety

Three events made me feel like I dont belong. I notice that this emotion can dominate how I feel about everything. Individual events do not take away all purpose in life. The truth is that there are communities and groups where I fit in just fine.

Someone from group suggested that I go back and repeat my 12 steps. Initially, that irritated me and I thought defensively. But after considering how I accept criticism in some areas, I realize that I don't like criticism about my addiction recovery. My ego and self-centeredness become obstacles.

We had Thanksgiving at my house this year. Much better to share a meal with friends that want community than chasing what it used to be in childhood. This is the start of holiday season which is fraught with challenges for an addict like me.

Lots of stuff has broken or failed recently. Some things I fixed. Somethings I called for help. I realized that my bad thinking wasn't helping and rational problem-solving was a better approach. Addicts like me can become trapped in crazy thinking and an unhealthy victim attitude.

The modern world has become flooded with information, which benefits me in many ways but there are downsides. The Information Age has come to an end and the world is entering the "Attention Age".

One major symptom of Sobriety is my lack of Life Force which has become an obstacle to accomplishing chores and physical activity. I call it Life Force because this is different than physical strength or my desire to do things. It might be lack of sleep, poor nutrition, or an unknown cause that I need to discover.

I listened to another podcast of a guy sober from pot who laughed and giggled. It has been a long time since I have laughed.

Without alcohol or pot, my mind is more active and has a tendancy to race. Some might call this rumination. In the past, my over active mind has driven me to drink or drug. This time, I gently guided my thoughts to pleasant or neutral topics.

I have collected biometrics about myself and analyze how THC effects my sleep. Scientists say that quality sleep is essential for health yet most people, especially addicts, do not get enough.

I quit alcohol and switched to pot to get high. It seemed like a good idea at the time but then it resulted in me becoming addicted to something else. Substituting one drug for another has not been the best way to get sober.