Conflict Owner's Manual

Some conflicts expand beyond their origin story, so you lose track of who started the conflict, and what your original conflict conflict goals were. That's conflict creep, where conflict exceeds the simpler scope and more limited objectives you had when the conflict started. After a conflict creeps, parties forget about solving the problem, and just want to win. So, how do you stop conflict creep? Using John Paul Lederach's six stages of conflict escalation, we look at how you can recognize the stages, and stop conflict creep.

show notes:
Lederach, J. P. (1999). The Journey Toward Reconciliation. Waterloo, ON, Herald Press.
conflict escalates through six changes. 
1, people place blame instead of accepting responsibility. 
2, everything that’s wrong replaces the simpler issue that began the conflict. 
3, language becomes accusatory, generalized and defensive. 
4, people seek allies, and categorize others as friends or enemies. 
5, people believe they're justified to react to the latest insult and aggressions.
6, no middle ground remains, and people stop communicating.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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What skills help in a conflict where you're willing to talk but the other person is avoiding you? We discuss conflict styles, so that you can choose what's most conflict competent to use in the context, situation, and relationship. 

show notes:
episode 46: How to decide whether to engage in, ignore or avoid conflict
episode 50: What you miss when you respond the same to every conflict

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Even regular folks like us are affected by this era of polarized conflict. It isn't just politics and social media that has become polarized in how conflicts play out. What does it mean for our personal relationships and ourselves personally when we fall prey to polarizing conflict in our personal relationships?

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

You have at least five conflict management styles available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve. But you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as competing. When is competing an appropriate style to use, and when does competing not serve you and your relationships well?

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

What does a good wellness program at work offer? The 2024, Wellhub State of Work-life Wellness Report lists some of the benefits of a good wellness program. Mostly missing is the benefit of a good conflict management system. Here are tips for discussing a conflict management system design at work, even before you get the job, because the stress of conflict is incompatible with wellness, unless it's well managed.

show notes: 
https://wellhub.com/en-us/resources/work-life-wellness-report-2024/

Episode 31:  Is conflict competence a "soft" skill?

Conflict management systems, examples, https://professional.dce.harvard.edu/blog/preventing-and-managing-team-conflict/

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

We continue exploring the conflict management styles you have available to use, depending on the context and the relationship. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, and the outcome you hope to achieve.
You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but you likely use one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as compromising. When is compromising an appropriate style to use, and when does compromising not serve you well?

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

You use your conflict competencies in every conflict. You can choose how your conflict competency and managing conflict work together. The key is your awareness of your conflict management mindset. Here are a few tips for powering the mindset that will help you do conflict better and improve the quality of your relationships.

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

There is no 'best' conflict management style to use in all contexts and for all relationships. Your conflict competency is using the most appropriate conflict management style for the situation, the context, and the relationship.

You have a choice of five broad categories of conflict management styles, but most likely you usually default to using only the one or two conflict styles you're most comfortable with. We discuss the conflict style known as accommodating. When is accommodating others an appropriate style to use, and when does accommodating not serve you well? 

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Sometimes, even when you try hard to resolve a conflict you hit an impasse. There are many possible reasons that a conflict resists resolution, and one is when your communication styles are so different that you become impatient and frustrated with each other. You want to find a way forward, but you just can't seem to understand their approach to the problem. Here are some conflict competencies for dealing with this communication mismatch.

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Being able to analyze conflict is one of the most important conflict competencies. You will want to know what's really going on, underneath the issue that seems to be what the conflict is about. If you understand what the actual conflict reveals, not the surface issue someone is yelling about, you have a better chance of coming up with the right questions to solve the right problem. But, how do you learn conflict analysis skills without creating a conflict for practice? We use popular culture, in this case, the TV show titled "Plan B". It's an excellent example of characters desperately trying to fix relationships while solving the wrong problem.

show notes:
Episode 67: Is trust a necessary ingredient for managing your conflicts?

Send us a text. We love hearing from you.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.