Picture the scene: a woman is sitting in a bar, when a man comes up to try to talk to her. She finds him attractive, but acts disinterested and more or less ignores him, in order to not seem desperate. The man gives up and leaves the woman alone, but she then feels dissatisfied that he hasn’t persisted.

It might seem like a counterintuitive approach, but according to American psychotherapist Ellnor Greenberg, it’s all too common. Writing for Psychology Today in February 2023, she explained that her female clients often tell her the same kind of story in therapy sessions.

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