Courage and Spice

It’s a delight to be back in your earholes after quite a long break since the last episode - Sas

If you are experiencing a major change in your life, you’ll know what I mean by a Life Quake. 

These experiences shake up our foundations of who we know ourselves to be; we can feel quite unmoored and at sea.  This episode is especially for you if you are going through this kind of change right now, if you know you are entering a period of change or maybe coming out of one.

I thought it would be helpful to delve into this process and maybe what to expect. It can be a huge relief to discover that there does tend to be an overall pattern to these periods, especially when you are experiencing a lot of uncertainty and/or chaos.

I’m also sharing a bit of behind-the-scenes from my own Life Quake over the last nine months, what happened, and how I’m making sense of things now.

My hope is that this episode helps you feel less alone. 

Quoteable bits:

"It might be our first rodeo, but it won't be our last. We do keep changing and growing. We're always becoming, if we're lucky."

"There is the sense of being able to really see the love and the light of each person. Even those people who are behaving in ways that I find objectionable - I worry about the distance they've travelled to leave their humanity behind. What has happened to them for them to think this is okay?"

"When that kind of grieving and shock begins to subside, we start to imagine sometimes quite big and wild options. Now that we're no longer that, what will we choose to become?"

Mentioned in this episode:

New glowed-up website!

Everything page

Lianne Raymond (who shared the dragonfly analogy)

Sammie Flemming

My brilliant guest today is Karen Arthur, menopause activist, campaigner, and host of the podcast Menopause whilst Black. She is also a teacher, a fashionista, and a grandmother, and does all of this with unrelnting wholehearted joy.

Karen joins us to talk about the balance of feeling joy amidst increasingly troubling world news, embracing the aging process, and putting your energy toward meaningful change, note to mention a whole range of goodness about how we connect ourselves to the world.

You can find out mroe about Karen at https://www.thekarenarthur.com/

QUOTES

“Instagram is my weapon of choice. And I don’t mind being visible as long as I’m visible on my own terms.”

“It all goes back to not doing something just because everybody else is doing it, but doing it because it feels right.”

“I’m loving the collective resistance that I'm seeing happening around the world, whether it's walking out of the Senate, schools, turning up for marches, speaking out, having vigils. It's incredible.”

Welcome to a new season of Courage & Spice, and to the Age of Aquarius! For those less astrologically inclined, this means that 2024 has arrived with a big sense of newness – new ideas, new adventures, new opportunities, it’s all on the way. 

With just a few weeks before I officially move from our home in Bristol to Aotearoa, New Zealand, I’m experiencing fresh starts left and right. Tune in for some transformative life updates, plus a brand new freebie and news from the world of Self-belief School!

Want to get unstick and into ACTION? Sign up for the Ultimate Procrastination Interrupter here: https://selfbelief.school/procrastination-signup/

Interested in joining the next round of SBCA? You can find all the information here: https://selfbelief.school/sbca/

QUOTES

“When no one else is watching, how do we take care of ourselves?”

“Aquarius is all about speeding up innovation and new ideas… and my god do we need that! We need really smart-brained people to come up with solutions to these complex problems that we're all living with.”

This week, we’re taking a closer look at how to approach the fear of failure so that you can let go of it for good.

 The threat of failure brings up a lot of very real worries and feelings, which are completely valid. Failure is so wrapped up in our sense of self, what we’re capable of, and our hopes for the future… no wonder we put so much effort into avoiding it.

In this episode, I share the experiences that taught me to recontextualize goals in terms of ideas, commitment, and decisions. Practice this and you will never fail again!

QUOTES 

“Just notice: what are you committed to? Where do you feel that in your body? What are you willing to keep doing until?  And then there is no way you can fail.”

“It takes time to really sink into commitment. Every single time you keep a promise to yourself, you're edging closer to sinking into the commitment feeling.”

“It's worth reflecting on your reasoning. Do you love the reason that you've decided to not take an idea into the next stage?”

Are you afraid of failure? You are definitely not alone. The fear of failure is such a big reason for self-doubt to show up. 

To complicate it even more, we define failure in so many ways, from not making the cut, to guilt around something unfulfilled, all the way to something simply not going your way.

This is a bit of a personal one for me as I’ve been diagnosed with ‘heart failure’ I’ve been playing with my relationship to failure for the last few months. I want to share my learnings for how I've made some deep peace with this.

 Tune in for the first of two special episodes.

QUOTES

“We make failure mean that something is bad or wrong with us, usually because we've been told that. We've been told that failure is a form of humiliation. Of course we would avoid it at all costs if we don't believe we can tolerate it.”

“We forget that because we've failed in the past, we have so much more information. We're experienced, more understanding, older and wiser and more resourced.”

Is you self-doubt tied up in your relationship with money? This week, I'm joined by the Founder of Tended Wealth, Megan DeBoer.

Megan defines wealth as a state of plenty in relationships, health, community, our environment, and of course our finances.

Tune in for a rich discussion on the familial and cultural lineage of money, how we frame our relationship with money based on this history, and what we can do to create new, revolutionary narratives around how we build wealth and what we put it toward.

You can find more about Megan at

https://www.tendedwealth.com/

@tendedwealth

Until the end of February 2024, listeners can use this code for 15% off either of Megan's THRIVE or EXPAND courses: COURAGEANDSPICE

REFERENCED

The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist

Sacred Economics by Charles Eisenstein

QUOTES

“The lived history of your grandparents, your parents, what they had to do to survive and the narratives that formed… all of it makes so much sense in the context of where you find yourself in this moment.”

“If we all share these kinds of stories around our worthiness and our need to work really hard, there's something about that that can be really healing. That sense of ‘I'm not in this alone’ can feel a bit like we're sharing the load.”

“There is cultural and societal status attached to that form of wealth. And so it's radical reclamation of what it is, to see wealth that we create around us and our own bodies, to include in that our communities and the financial health of the people in our communities.”

Business ownership can be the most rewarding way to express who you are – you get to do meaningful work, live your values, and create beautiful things or offer helpful services. At the same time, it can be an epic self-development quest that you probably didn't even realise you were signing up for (I certainly didn’t).

There’s no way to create a business that is risk-free, which means that self-doubt is often waiting around every corner. Listen in for five reasons why business can feel so freakin' hard, and what you can do about it!

If you’re looking for support as a business owner, Bravehearts is a new programme inside of Self-belief School, specifically for business owners. This is low/no content - just coaching and co-working to support you to complete a business goal before Christmas!

We start 6th November. Get access by signing up to Self-belief School right here: https://selfbelief.school/enrol/#bravehearts

QUOTES
 
‘We think we're just showing up and selling our beautiful work and getting to create a meaningful job for ourselves. But actually, you are going against everything you've been told will keep you safe.’

‘As kids we heard, “do what you're told”. And as adults, we're looking to know the invisible rules of how to be an adult. We end up crowdsourcing our decision-making. And this is because we just aren't shown… how to trust our inner knowing’

‘People are going to unfollow, unsubscribe, disagree with you. These are all just everyday, neutral choices that people make. If we have untended attachment needs, we can make any of these things mean that we are being rejected.’

This episode kicks off an occasional Courage & Spice series on body image, with my brilliant guest and dear friend Professor Phillippa Diedrichs!

Phil is a research psychologist at the Centre for Appearance Research in Bristol, as well as the founder of Everybody Consulting, an academic led consultancy working with global brands to drive social change and improve wellbeing.

 Tune in for Phil’s expert perspective on what forms our (often complex) relationship with our own bodies, and the ways we can react to and challenge the effects of the media, capitalism, and societal pressures on our self-perception.

You can find out more about Phil at:

https://www.phillippadiedrichs.com/

https://www.everybodyconsulting.com/

On IG @phillippa.diedrichs

REFERENCES

Gender Magic by Rae McDaniel

QUOTES

“We are judged in terms of how attractive we are, how likable we are, how funny, how smart, how healthy. These are the judgments people make all the time about other people based on how they look, so our appearance to others becomes really important.”

“One of the things that we love as human beings in nature is the diversity. There's so many wonderful combinations of shapes and colours and textures. Imagine if there was only one kind of flower, one colour, one shape. Why do we then try and limit ourselves to that?”

One of the biggest ways that self-doubt holds us back is by telling us that we aren’t ready.

 This shows up differently depending on your specific situation. Maybe you’re an artist waiting to feel ready to share your work with an audience, or a writer waiting to contact agents. A coach waiting to perfect your offer before putting it out into the world… even a parent waiting until the kids are older to pursue your dreams.

 No matter what your situation, I’ve found that we’re never really waiting to feel ready; we’re waiting to feel safe. Listen in for tips on how to stop the waiting game from holding you back...

 ...plus BIG news from the world of Self-belief School!

I’d love to invite you to my free workshop, Why am I so mean to me?, which will show you how to speak to yourself with compassion, encouragement and respect. The workshop will take place on Wednesday 4th October 2023 at 8 pm UK time. All you have to do is register here: https://selfbelief.school/kindness/

Self-belief School is also getting a very exciting update, and will soon be available for you to join at any time! No more waiting for enrolment to open… and certainly no more waiting to be 'ready’ 😁

These changes will be launching next month in October, so be sure to join the waitlist to be the first to hear when you can sign up: https://selfbelief.school/waitlist/

Welcome back to Courage and Spice! 

As 2023 continues, today I'm sharing with you a compassionate and deceptively simple self-reflection process that has gotten me through uncertain times recently. Listen in for these two questions that you can use to support yourself when the future doesn’t seem so clear.

QUOTES

“Adulting has real periods of strain. And often there is no neat solution… we have to keep going. There's no destination. I'm unlikely to get to a time where there aren't pressures or some kind of constraint. I need to figure out a way to support myself in this.”

“When the world or our lives feel really complex and uncertain and big, it's almost like we need to meet that with a big solution. But actually, I found that the simpler the solution, the more likely we are to do it.”