It's happy fun day Monday. And you know what that means. We will bring you all the latest developments. And I am introducing a new segment, Vampire News.

Health Care costs are through the roof, small businesses are closing at a record pace, average Americans are falling through the cracks. And there won't we a new episode of Lost for, like, six months. Who the f*ck is in charge? Time to rig another election.

And that's not even the question of the day folks. Tell that to the 97% of your DNA you share with chimps. This show is experiment with Political Talk Radio. Not really a comedy. I'm not sure if I picked a side. But I sound like I know what I'm saying. 

Religion is ruining certain professions. But it makes the world a lot more fun. We will discuss how the adult video industry is affecting the economy and the American dollar in foreign markets. Titties.

I'm getting tired of every friggin' political email my parents keep sending me. Why do I read them right before bed? They always give me indigestion. I just found out that there is a 4% chance the I am my own biological father. 4%.

This show sucks donkey balls. And not the good kind. The other kind. 

I'm sorry, Miss Jackson. I am for real. I want the Olympic girls to do their gymnastics on my face. But, only the legal ones. For tax purposes.

8/14/08. 33 mins.

Biggie Biggie Bigfoot can't you see, sometimes your balls just hypnotize me. Oh my titties. Get the lead out. This is the greatest discovery since Quentin Tarantino rediscovered John Travolta. And then he went away again. 

Somebody has to do something about the weather. Who makes the weather these days? Is it the same guy that picked the names of Santa's reindeer? Because that dude is whack dice.

Let's just call him your face. Thank you for making last night's show the most discussed podcast in the history of alien technology. Why do I pay for a cell phone? I'm still going to die someday.