Grumpy Trump glowered through his New York trial, complaining afterward that he didn't get a jury trial, even though his dumb lawyers never requested one. Trump's lawyer Alina Habba delighted the gaming community by sporting a top gaming laptop in court, complete with RGB-colored keyboard. Habba's father is a high-level poohbah in some creepy catholic cosplay group called the Knights of Malta. Despite their obvious fairytale love for each other, Melania has reportedly renegotiated her post-nup. Cartoonishly corrupt Clarence Thomas actually recused himself for once from a SCOTUS case. Jailed crypto-crook Sam Bankman-Fried looked into paying Trump not to run in 2020, and the price was $5 billion. GOP youth enthusiast Matt Gaetz is planning a vote to take down Kevin McCarthy. North Carolina GOP legislators may be trying to create their own secret police force to go after their enemies. All of the states in the top ten of reported STD rates are "conservative" states.