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Petty dictator Trump whined about being called chicken. Fox drunkard Jeanine Pirro was named the DC prosecutor by our felonious rapist-in-chief. Apartheid Elmo, aka Elon, leaves the White House after pillaging the government for data. A spaceship built by Herr Musk spun out of control because it’s a day ending “y.”  Friend of the late diddler Jeffrey Epstein, Trump blathered nonsense about a golden dome and Canada. Folks from overseas aren’t coming here anymore. Trumpkin podcaster Joe Rogan gave it up for Jesus on his stupid podcast. A Democrat congressperson might win the governorship in Virginia. A MAGAT bought a not-so-special edition watch with an obvious defect for his wife. Canoers in Kissimmee suffered a deadly attack by a gator.

Trump ambushed South Africa’s President with lies and unrelated photos. Diaper Don’s attempt to block foreign student enrollment from Harvard was thwarted by a judge. Sith Lord of Chase, Jamie Dimon blathered the obvious about Trump’s tariffs. In further obvious news, a columnist from USA said the Felon-in-Chief has been in mental decline. The CrabDiving Podcast have been screaming about Trump’s broken brain for years, but who is counting? White House transcripts have disappeared. Anti-gun activist and one of the 5 DNC chairs, David Hogg said the Dems need a leader who fights and gives a damn. The orange rapist in The White House hosted a party with crap food for dolts who bought tons of his worthless crypto. GOP orcs threatened to kill the filibuster. Spreader SCOTUS Amy Coney Barrett voted like a human when she blocked the diddling Catholics’ charter schools from tax payer dollars.

Butthurt Musk will not be giving money to campaigns for a while. Democratic legislator Gerry Connolly passed away with no one to replace him. Israel can’t take out Iran’s nukes without America’s weapons of war. Speaking of Iran, former Fox load Pete Hegseth held a Christian/ Nazi prayer service at the Pentagon. Rightwing meathead Joe Rogan was bumped from the top of Youtube’s podcast chart. McDonald’s sold less crap as of late because the economy is tanking. Ninny loon Jack Hibbs suggested the founding fathers meant to ban Catholics from serving in the government. Supposedly, President Rape-Face is stressed about upcoming loan payments. The wording in a recent police-buffer law was a score for the side of good. Pat explained cypto and derivatives while Shelby barked. Finally, Elmo cried like a big apartheid nepo-baby because he’s a sad little beyotch.

Check out CrabDiving radio podcast Friday!

Dangerously crazy RFK Jr. will cause kids to get polio again.  Trump seems mesmerized by the wealth in the middle east. Shitler blathered back at critics of his dirty jet dealings with Qatar. Democrats flew a banner with the Qatar logo over Mara Lago. The Founder of Ben & Jerry’s, along with other protestors, were removed from a hearing with anti-vax HHS Director RFK Jr. The lying fascists of DOGE deleted more of their claims of government waste. Chatgpt produced a list of everyone our racist POTUS has called low-IQ. A Nazi GOP legislator suggested dropping undocumented people from airplanes. Another bootlicking Repub proposed classifying pornography as a crime. Man-baby’s administration wrongly classified white anti-Semitic South African landowners fleeing justice as refugees. President Tiny Hands and a small group of crypto-loads are looting the country. Middle of the road do-nothing-Dems fear the youth and energy of activist David Hogg. The poor strategies of the Biden campaign were torched in a recent book.

Of course Republicans lied about not cutting Medicaid. A witness in the Diddy trial is missing. Newark Airport is a cluster “f.” Fox News admitted Shitler took an “L” in the trade war with China. MAGAT Loomer dissed Trump’s corrupt deal with Qatar for the big tacky plane. Melania rarely visits The White House. Podcaster Hasan Piker was illegally detained at the airport and interrogated by fascist border agents. Cokey Smurf, AKA Don Jr., has made bank off his Dad’s presidency. The poorest states in the union are the most unhealthy. Anti-trans actor John Cleese suggested stringing up The Donald. Infamously crooked televangelist Jim Bakker continues to shamelessly beg for cash.

Trump makes the US more of a global villian by spying on Greenland. The Nazis in The White House promised to slash Medicaid. The newly elected Canadian PM visited Pennsylvania avenue and moderately stood up to Shitler but not really. India lobbed missiles at Pakistan. The dictator-in-diapers pitted Little Marco and fascist Vance against each other in a 2028 match-up. Anti-Semitic hag Laura Loomer convinced President Tiny Hands to drop his Surgeon General nominee. MAGAT influencers were upset because a Repub Senator suggested migrants should get due process before deportation. The Young Turks, who did their part to put Donald Trump back in the White House, have collaborated on a project with vile fascist Marjorie Taylor Greene. Speaking of monster Greene, Democratic Rep Jasmine Crockett used Mama Nazi to demonstrate the crappiness of the Trump administration during a hearing. The press continued to gobble up White House propaganda which suggests Donald Trump will leave after his term is up.

Texas GOP idiots want to ban non-existent furry litterboxes in schools. Planes have been falling out of the sky at Newark Airport because MAGA! Shitler ended programs to reduce sudden infant death syndrome. Sith Lord Marjorie Taylor Greene and blotch Nazi Bannon complained about the felon POTUS conducting foreign wars. Demon Greene’s former hubby was sued and forced to publicly apologize for harassing Muslim women in a mall parking lot. Texans voted out a conservative school board for banning books. Empty headed Michelle Bachman blathered Dems have a dictatorship mentality. FBI Czar Kash Patel has been partying at nightclubs and not showing up to work. Feeble-minded Anaconda star Jon Voight has a Trump-endorsed plan to save Hollywood. The pile of hyena squirt known as Brian Kemp announced a run for Georgia senate. Sandy Hook conspiracy theorist Alex Jones and the hate-caster with the worst haircut Nick Fuentes shared time on a podcast caterwauling.

The DOGE creeps want all of our private data. The “Trump effect” caused conservatives to lose bigly in Australia. Man-baby’s tariffs have left some store shelves empty and have started to knee-cap the economy. Supreme Ketanji Brown Jackson shamed Shitler for his attacks on judges. My Pillow Czar Mike Lindell has been selling sheets from the White House front yard. Crappy Florida GOP legislators and Governor Pudding Fingers couldn’t pass a budget for Florida. The James Webb telescope found a planet covered in water inhabited by the most wee shrimp. A great white lived to feast another day, because of the efforts of a father and son. Jesus has nothing on savior Tim Frieden who sacrificed his own body to create a universal snake bite anti-venom.