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Elon failed to buy Wisconsin and we know how Trump feels about losers. Shitler announced a wave of upcoming tariffs, which hurt Americans bigly. Under the guise of taking time off to help his dying electric car company Tesla, Elmo was essentially fired from DOGE. Man-baby blathered something about cheating but had to eat his word after the win for good in Wisconsin. Blotch Nazi Bannon blathered over calls for Trump’s impeachment after the loss in Wisconsin. Right wing comic Joe Rogan cried about being labeled conservative. Boebert E. Lee, who, per her gig at the Whitehouse, is investigating the Kennedy assassination, got Roger and Oliver Stone mixed up. The courts in Alabama said their A.G. can’t persecute or prosecute women fleeing the authoritarian state for abortions. Anti-Semitic loser and vapid right wing podcaster Stew Peters who said scientists who developed vaccines should be rounded up, called for a “final solution.”

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Trump’s morons included a journalist in a chat about secret attack plans where the worst VP tossed shade at the worst POTUS.  Fascist AG Pam Bondi ordered Jasmine Rep Crockett to be nice to Elmo. AOC and Bernie have been ticking off the Tesla Czar. Man-baby blathered complaints about his portrait in Colorado. Oligarch of commerce Howard Lutnick caterwauled only fraudsters would miss social security checks. Thug Duterte appeared before the Hague and will probably rot there. 23 and Me will be sold at a discount to the CEO who tanked it. A Canadian resisted U.S. tariffs with a song.

Trump’s monstrous ICE thugs are committing crimes against humanity. Apartheid Elmo was almost briefed on secret China war plans. Shitler received low marks for his crappy economy. A loser GOP Rep was righteously booed for defending DOGE orcs. Senator Bernie Sanders criticized the sloth-like POTUS for suing the media. A radio star across the pond ripped human cosplayer J.D. Vance for referring to the UK as a “random country that hasn’t fought a war in 30 or 40 years.” Democratic Governor Pritzker said the orange one traded lifesaving equipment during the pandemic for praise during TV interviews. The wife of Governor Pudding Fingers announced a run for the governorship of Florida but she won’t be endorsed by Trump. AOC and Bernie headlined an event against oligarchy. The Crabs reviewed the lessons from Thomas Paine’s Common Sense.

Conspiracy nuts are whining over the total dud JFK files. Author and Senator Schumer got calls to resign from fellow Democrats. Former Infowars Czar Alex Jones called out Trump for being a “poop addict.” Vapid GOP demon Tucker Carlson blathered there was only one human who could save the Repubs. Lunatic conservatives in Minnesota presented a bill that would make what they call “Trump derangement syndrome” a mental illness,” and then one of the loons, GOP state senator Justin Eichorn, got arrested for soliciting a minor. The people of Serbia have come together to oust their corrupt government. Disgraced, former NSA Mike Flynn got another gig with the Trump Administration. My Pillow thought leader Mike Lindell got in trouble for running a sham charity.

MAGA made the world hate the USA and destroyed our allies’ trust in us. Racist orc Trumpkin Tom Homan blathered drivel about ignoring judges and laws. A French legislator ripped the U.S. a new one and demanded we return the Statue of Liberty. House Democrats yelled at the Repubs for shielding Elmo from testifying about the imminent dismantling of social security. Useless minority Senate leader Schumer canceled a book tour. The pop group Semisonic condemned the White House of the use of their song Closing Time. The astronauts stuck in the space station finally made it back to Earth. Turncoat Gavin Newsom can eat rocks according to most libs. Creep Elon stopped shipping his ugly Cyber Trucks since they’re falling apart like his rockets. Sloth-like POTUS Trump caterwauled  lies about Biden’s pardons for the January 6th committee. The Crabs reviewed the recent Florida Man Games which incorporated alligators and other unsurprising elements.

GOP authoritarians are increasingly being scorned in public, rightfully getting booed and challenged for the chaotic destruction they are wreaking upon our democratic republic. Spineless Senate Democrats led by Chuck Schumer helped the Republicans pass their poisoned continuing resolution. Odious Dr. Oz, who Trump wants to run the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services, may have underpaid Medicare and Social Security taxes to the tune of over $400.000. Portugal may cancel an order for American F-35 fighter planes, saying the U.S. might not uphold its defense commitments. Evangelical ninnies are angry-pants because DOGE Nazis cut their international funding. The Jesus-bots are also miffed over the misuse of the trop “Christ is king.” Dropping f-bombs and four letter prose aid with pain tolerance and strength.

Greenland voters sent emphatic middle fingers to Trump. Shitler and Tesla twerp Elon Musk used the White House as a showroom to peddle a crappy electric car that don’t charge good. Canada and EU took countermeasures against President Diaper Load’s tariffs. Who knows if the Dems will vote for the funding bill. A majority of the country hates man-baby’s tanking of the economy. Worm brained HHS Czar RFK Jr. blathered disinformation about vaccines. Loser Elmo nearly cried during FOX interview. Comedian Bill Burr spoke truth on NPR’s Fresh Air about the nothingness that is Elon Musk. Democratic cosplayer and hater of teachers Rahm Emmanuel announced a possible run for POTUS and no one cared. Vaccinations could make humans less vulnerable to Alzheimer’s. Anti-Semitic rube Nick Fuentes said Trump is a “populist demagogue” and was just “stirring up the rubes.”

MAGA jackboots are gunning for the first amendment. Trump is tanking the economy because it’s a day ending in “y.” Tesla shares are going down just like Elmo’s rockets. Man-baby blathered something about spreader SCOTUS Barrett being smart. Our crap Congress has until Friday to fund our so called government. Americans have been pummeled by inflation and tariffs and the Repubs seem to love it. Don-the-con endorsed Bryon Donalds over the wife of Pudding Fingers for the Czar of Florida. The Pope might expire. For reasons unknown, the Crabs talked compared The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family.