Trump went scorched Earth on “past supporters” who are pissed about Epstein. Infowars loon Alex Jones dissed Shitler after he ordered constituents to cool their obsession with the Epstein files. Tesla Nazi Elon Musk caused even more strife amongst Trump followers regarding the Epstein scandal. House GOP orcs blocked a resolution to release the Epstein files. MAGAT VIP Michael Flynn asked Czar Trump to offer more transparency regarding Epstein. Jesus bot Shane Vaughn compared Trump’s Epstein scandal to the crucifixion. Man-baby caterwauled he was shocked Jerome Powell was appointed to the head the Fed even though Powell was a Trump appointment. SCOTUS took a breather on weakening voter rights. James Comey’s daughter who prosecuted Ghislaine Maxwell and Diddy was sacked without explanation. The podcast Kill Tony, hosted by racist Tony Hinchliffe pushed Rogan’s podcast out of the number one slot.

Trump now claims the Epstein files were written by Obama and Clinton. Author Michael Wolfe had eye-popping interviews about Shitler’s relationship with dead diddler Epstein. Epstein’s partner Ghislaine Maxwell said she’d testify to congress about the Esptein files. House Dems put the GOP loads on the record for refusing to release the Epstein files. Creepo Cuomo announced an independent run for the mayorship of NYC. The Sith Lords of SCOTUS paved the way for man-baby to destroy the Department of Education. Refugees brought in tons of revenue according to a study buried by the GOP. Tropical storm Dexter could bring tons of rain to Republic of Florida.

MAGA hats are burning as deplorable factions find out about Trump’s promises. Blotch Nazi Bannon is bigly mad about the whole Epstein thing. The FBI’s number two dullard Bongino could resign over the disappearing Epstein file. Didler Dersashowitz claimed files were being suppressed. Trump cultists have tried to spin the Epstein debacle but weren’t successful. The ICE raids have caused a surge in public approval of immigration. Fox-bot Jesse Watters blathered he wanted ICE thugs to crack skulls. Last year President Rape Face threatened to bomb Moscow if Putin attacked Ukraine. Canadian Mounties busted up an antigovernment militia. Man-baby asked the leader of an English speaking country the stupidest question you could imagine.

We’re all so shocked that Elon Musk’s AI went full Fuhrer. An X user threatened to sue the social media platform after it’s AI, Grok, told people how to break into his house. Linda Yaccarino, CEO X, resigned over Grok’s praise of Hitler. Trump White House thugs sanctioned a UN official for making negative remarks about Israel. Podcast and scholar Scott Galloway perfectly summed up Elon Musk leaving verbose Piers Morgan speechless. Former second string FOX host and Sec Def, Pete Hegseth didn’t tell President Diaper Rash he was halting defensive aid to Ukraine. MAGAT comic Roseanne Barr reminded the orange rapist how much his followers care about the Epstein files. In good news, USAID state department employees let go by Shitler are plotting against him. GOP load Steve Scalise actually did something good by demanding an Iranian’s release from ICE.

MAGA’s brain cell exploded after Trump’s DOJ announced its Epstein cover-up. Trumpkin Nazi Laura Loomer blathered MAGAT AG Pam Bondi should resign over the Epstein cover-up non-scandal. A flashflood in Texas caught victims unaware since President Diaper Rash and DOGE slashed government programs and agencies like NOAA that monitor extreme weather. Survivors of the flood who voted for Trump will probably vote for the orange stain next time, if we even have elections. Flat Earther enthusiast and Georgia congressional candidate Kandiss Taylor caterwauled about the floods calling them fake. Pat employed his brilliant Elon Musk impersonation as the Crabs reviewed the Tesla’s Czar’s new Nazi friendly America Party.

People are getting sick of evil billionaires. As democracy necrotizes, P. Diddy was convicted of prostitution but not trafficking. U.S. Citizen Andrea Velez was kidnapped by masked ICE thugs. Paramount got on it’s knees and settled with President Diaper Rash. Senator Warren said the Paramount settlement was pure corruption. Democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani said he wouldn’t be intimidated by Shitler’s deportation threat. A CNN data load was stunned by Democrats’ 70 point shift on Israel. The Crabs reviewed a Freedom House study which scored countries by their freedom where America underperformed. Long Island announced an increase in shark surveillance followed a “suspected” shark bite. As evidence of humanity becoming even more crappy, instances of snakes-on-a-plane have increased.

Musk lumbered back into the octagon with Trump over the big beautiful bill. The ketamine fiend even suggested starting a new fascist political party over Shilter’s evil legislation. The greedy racist money grubbing GOP threatened to trash the rules of the filibuster to get their crap bill through the Senate. The WSJ said man-baby put his presidential reign at risk by forcing a Repub legislator into retirement. The rapist-in-chief slammed Japan and threatened a trade war if they didn’t start buying U.S. rice. The milk toast centrist bores over at MSNBC interviewed the righteous democratic socialist running for mayor in New York City, Zohran Mamdani, affording him much less deference than our felonious POTUS. President Diaper Rash dropped a lawsuit against an Iowa pollster and the subs at CBS continued settlement talks with orange daddy. Christian mouth-breather Joel Webbon blathered only evangelical dudes should hold public office.

Partisan SCOTUS is poisoning the country with their Project 2025 agenda. The supreme jerks went after adult videos in measles comeback state of Texas. Also, Alito and his vile company of Siths went after birthright citizenship via an attack on injunctions. The dunces of SCOTUS gave homophobic parents a win involving books with LGBTQ characters. The loads in robes did nothing about redistricting by racists in Louisiana. VIP bigot Nick Fuentes announced Laura Loomer as “the biggest whore in American politics.” Governor Newsom has sued FOX News because “f” Rupert and his cronies. Oligarch and Trump-sucker Jeff Bezos was forced to change the venue of his stupid wedding thanks to the righteous protestors of Venice. Speaking of righteous, MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell dragged drunkard Sec-Def Pete Hegseth over lies and threats caterwauled at his presser at the Pentagon. The French Canadian newly in charge of the James Bond franchise floated Spider-person Tom Holland as a candidate.

MAGA and corporate Democrats are pooping their pants over Mamdani’s win in New York.  As if anyone cares, goon Trumpkin Curtis Sliwa won the Repub primary. Shitler and puppet from Hades Pete Hegseth admitted they lied about the bombing of nuclear sites in Iran. President Diaper Rash whipped out the F word to reporters when asked about the Iran thing. Multiple polls show America is over this POS POTUS.  During a session, Dems called out Hitler like Marjorie Taylor Greene for being out of line but fascist Green persisted to bang her gavel. In a When Animals Get Pissed Segment, a popular east coast beach sounded alarms as a largest great white ever recorded was closing fast! Also, a fisherman deep in the Carolina mountains was helicoptered out after a bite from nasty, venomous rattlesnake. Unfortunately, American pop culture contains the character, Liver King who went to jail over threats to Trump-sucking comic Joe Rogan.

Trump sets fires then claims he’s the hero for trying to extinguish the flames. Man-baby blathered something about most lethal weapons. Shitler lied about the results of his big bombing mission into Iran and the ceasefire. Blond Butch Body, Marjorie Taylor Greene tried to explain MAGATS and foreign wars. Our fascist SCOTUS made it easier for President Diaper Rash to disappear people. Bland Repub Lisa Murkowski was probably full of it when she floated a third party run. Former Lieutenant Governor and Nude Africa contributor Mark Robinson, whined about colleagues for abandoning him during a bizarre online lewdness scandal. Currently, Minisoldr Mark Robinson, the self proclaimed black Nazi is trying to avoid repaying money his stole from the government. The Crabs played a clip of the awesome democratic socialist running for Mayor of New York, Zohran Mamdani.