Batcrap Bobby Kennedy will spend taxpayer cash to study a debunked anti-vax claim. Another SpaceX rocket exploded in flight. Little Marco and Elmo sparred during a cabinet meeting. Feckless Sean Duffy got in on it too! Shitler decided to not make new parents in Maine go to the social security office to register babies. In news that’s fake, Trump put Elon’s DOGE on a leash. Legendary actor Gene Hackman’s death was sad and bizzare. The Czar of Cali Gavin Newscom betrayed his supposed progressive tendencies when he blathered dumb things about trans people and then cozied up to a rightwing hate-caster. And Kimberly Guilfoyle facilitated! A Christian extremist worship director, who was hired by his Dad, was busted on diddling charges and will spend the rest of his life in prison. Jesus-bot Joe Webbon complained about having to look at women. Democratic Legislator Jasmine Crockett called Trump a hoe for bending over for Putin.

Trump’s vile State of the Union address was just another MAGA hate rally. Heroic Democratic Representative Al Green was the only legislator from the left who literally stood up to Shitler during the address. Little Marco Rubio, the saddest Secretary of State ever, sunk into the furniture during Trump and Vance’s infamous oval meltdown over Zelensky. Brother of the late Rob Ford, Doug, vowed to fight hard against America in the trade war started by man-baby. SCOTUS told the Trump administration they had to pay USAID contractors because of the Constitution. GOP lawmakers were ordered to stop town halls due to the righteous protests. A German tattoo artist has been wrongly detained by ICE fascists for months. Astronauts prepare to leave the space station and return to earth via an Elon made aircraft. The artist formerly known as Kanye West wore a tee featuring a swastika. Oligarch Elmo lied when he said his DOGE minions were working for free.

Protests are growing against the illegal actions of the corrupt Trump administration. Human cosplayer J.D. Vance took his family skiing but was met with righteous protestors. Shitler hates America evidenced by the tariff war he’s about to unleash. The Nazi orcs of DOGE want to kill social security. Sith load Elon Musk told MAGAT comic Joe Rogan he’s not a Nazi. The Crabs talked about the Oscars for a few minutes. Worm brained RFK Jr. changed decided the measles vaccine was a good thing. In other Health and Human Services news, the department’s top spokesperson quit because he couldn’t stand Cheryl Hines’ husband. Tooty Rudy Giuliani was able to keep his NYC apartment despite a massive judgement. The Pope is on the way out. Legendary actor Gene Hackman’s death is still a mystery. A venomous snake from Ecuador hitched a ride in a box of bananas and made it to the Republic of New Hampshire. A brothel operation was busted and the perps’ names were pun perfect.

Russia celebrates after Republican White House thugs ambushed Zelensky. Tesla shareholders were angry-pants over moron Musk’s tanking of the company and turned the tables on the DOGE leader. Nobody cared about the most recent release of the redacted Epstein files by Trump’s feckless AG. Fake ICE agents have been terrorizing Cali shoppers.  Volunteers have alerted communities of raids by real ICE goons. Man-baby is peddling a “gold card immigration” option for the rich. In America, humans die earlier than in similar countries. There are tons of gators occupying Florida sewers according to University of Florida researchers. Shark semen has been collected in Australia by hypnosis to save certain species from disappearing. Also down-under, a deadly snake stole a hat from the head of a human.

The authoritarian Trump regime is picking which journalists can cover them. Oligarch megaload Jeff Bezos did his part to turn the Washington Post into fascist, Trump-loving toilet paper. Goose-stepping Elmo’s business empire was seeded with 38 billion bucks of government money. The Tesla’s Czar’s stepsister ended up marrying their dad.  President Musk might have to open up Tesla’s books to the government since Uncle Sam is a related party. In Idaho, brown shirts dressed in black with no identification violently assaulted and then dragged a woman out of town hall. A white nationalist blathered the Civil Rights Act needs to be repealed to protect her “white spaces.” With many syllables, globe-a-phobe rightwing loon Kandiss Taylor announced a run for Congress.  The Crabs reviewed comedian Joe Rogan’s fellation of chainsaw wielding perv Elon.

The Trump administration is rushing to rehire federal workers they out they need. Troll Kash Patel and other directed the FBI employees to ignore Elon’s demand to justify their jobs. Elmo’s “romantic” texts to one of his baby mama’s were revealed in court. A fake video of Shitler kissing Elon’s fascist toes was circulated at HUD. The Pope is about to expire. Democratic strategist James Carville predicts Man-baby’s administration will topple in a month. Brazil’s Trump Jair Bolsonaro may go to jail. Human cosplayer Vivek Ramaswamy announced he’s running for the governor of Ohio. Because it’s a day ending in “y,” a House Republican was booed by fired federal workers in a townhall. MAGATS in two states were arrested for impersonating ICE Agents. A professor from Vanderbilt warned of a another coronavirus outbreak.

Republican voters are entering the “find out” stage. Of course, Trump lied when he said he wasn’t going to meet with BFF Putin. The New York Post reminded Shitler the Czar of Russia was a dictator. Angry GOP constituents in Georgia ripped U.S. Representative Rich McCormick a new one over his subservience to man-baby.  Feckless Transportation Secretary was booed in Cali. Trudeau took a verbal swipe at Diaper Don after Canada beat the U.S. in a hockey game. Evangelical loon Joel Webbon blathered Christians need absolute power. Representative Robert Garcia mocked the ketamine addict known as Elon in a funny way. The crackly voiced head of Health and Human Services stopped flu shot ads and a canceled a vaccination conference. According to the new Michael Wolfe book, Melania hates Donald bigly.  A prominent prophet explained how he was wrong about something.

Check out Wednesday’s CrabDiving radio podcast! Trump called himself king while blathering about ending New York City’s congestion pricing. Shitler also caterwauled “He who saves his Country violates no Law.” Putin and Shitler want to carve up Ukraine. Diaper Don’s approval ranting tanks because the economy sucks. Conservative VIP load Matt Schlapp was accused of groping a dude at a bar. Americans hate Nazi Elon Musk and Zuckerberg. Brazil charged fascist Bolsonaro with leading a plot to overthrow their country. Evil ICE isn’t deporting undocumented people at the levels promised by Shitler. The Crabs discussed lunatic Mel Gibson’s sequel to Passion of the Christ. Misogynist Christians have been mean to tongue-talker Paula White. MAGA fanatic Jon Voight dropped another creepy video where he squirted over Elmo.

“No Kings On Presidents Day” protests send a huge “FU” to Trump. Tesla Czar Elon Musk blathered the 60 Minutes team should be jailed. Shitler has a plan to squeeze Ukraine for cash. House prices in DC plummeted due to DOGE firing federal employees. A plane ended upside down after a crash in Toronto. Another polar vortex is on the way. Some of the recently released January 6th “tourists” are back in court for other creepy crimes. The Crabs reviewed winners of the BAFTA Awards. Pope Francis is sick despite his close relationship with JEEBUS. Greece has been contending with a continuous earthquake and Alaska braces for a volcanic eruption.

“No Kings on Presidents Day” protesters – 2025

Check out CrabDiving radio podcast Monday!

USA is plummeting on the world corruption index as Trump’s crooks wreak havoc. Nazi J.D. Vance blathered a bunch of fascist mouth garbage at the Munich Conference. Elmo posted a bunch of classified data online. The Crabs learned about Christian con artists known as intercessors. Blotchy Bannon warned Shitler of the dangers of going after Medicaid. Boebert E. Lee and Kid Rock may have hooked up. The existence of DOGE was challenged in the courts. Shark attacks in the U.S. was on the rise. Monkeys in Sri Lanka took out the power.