Trump says he totally aced a cognitive test despite credible stories suggesting the former guy is in serious mental decline. Israel and Hamas continued the ceasefire and exchanged prisoners for hostages. Lying George Santos of Only Fans fame compared himself to the Bible's Mary Magdalene while musing over his imminent expulsion from Congress. The UK warned Argentina they would hold onto the Falkland Islands no matter what. GOP primary presidential hopefuls Nikki Haley and Puddin Fingers, AKA Ron DeSantis, continued their losing efforts to catch the orange one. Alleged child sex trafficker Matt Gaetz may face justice for his diddling ways. The Mayor of Paris told the platform formerly known as Twitter to get bent. The inclusion of the Satanic Temple in a Wisconsin Christmas tree festival angered cheese state ninnies.