Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Just plain no can be important and difficult in a valued ongoing relationship.  “No, I won’t.”   “No, you can’t.”  “No, that isn’t going to work.” Sometimes we can’t bring ourselves to believe that the best answer – and maybe the only answer – is no. Other times, we fully recognize that no is the answer, yet it’s so hard to say. It can be tempting to avoid, delay, or fudge the no. And rarely a good idea.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

You may have heard glowing reviews recently of the succession planning at the giant conglomerate and family business LVMH. The founder, Bernard Arnault, has been applauded for how he has worked to position his five children to succeed in the business. Mr. Arnault, a successful corporate raider, has worked hard to keep his own firm out of reach of others like him.  Here’s the flaw: what we have heard and what we can infer no one has likely heard. Who, exactly, is going to lead the business and when? Last year, at age 73, he convinced the LVMH board to raise the mandatory retirement age for chief executive and chairman from 75 to 80. So, he no longer needs to retire next year, as had been expected. Has he fallen for the myth of founder immortality?

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Bess de Boer is convinced that  fear is the main ingredient in conflict. Bess works with people in conflict to see that the other person is trapped in the same predicament, then allowing each person to resurface their vulnerability and feel safe to be themselves. You can learn more about her work here:  https://www.bessdeboer.com/. You can watch her TedX talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=TSeYz3V2wcIhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=TSeYz3V2wcI

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

In a situation of continuing negative conflict, finding a time to turn the page can be helpful. It can assume different forms.

You could use some sort of “marker” to suggest to the other person or people involved that you find a way to resolve the situation. A date on the calendar. A passage of time. An event.

You may also consider your own perspective on a conflict, without regard to the others involved. Is it time to say “enough” to yourself?

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

When you have little to say, say very little. You don’t need to share an opinion that creates needless nasty conflict. You won’t convince people by saying the same words again and again. Allowing everyone to speak, especially before you speak again, is a wise idea.  Waiting in silence for someone else to gather their thoughts is worth any discomfort you may feel. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Most people don’t want to talk about prenuptial agreements, even if they want one to happen. But they should.  When? If parents feel that it would be a good idea, they are wise to discuss the concept with their children long before a potential life partner arrives on the scene.  What? Remember that it should be presented as a proposed contract between the spouses. Not a mandate. Who should present it? It’s important to think about what message is being delivered. 

Talking about a prenup in a thoughtful and loving way won’t diminish its legal validity.  But it will help set the tone for welcoming a new family member into the fold.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Nathan Dungan and I discuss how Nathan works with young adults and their families to better understand the dynamic between trusts and beneficiaries, prenups as part of an intentional preparation for life as a couple, and how to engage multiple generations to share, understand, and create their money stories.

You can learn more about his work and contact him here: http://www.sharesavespend.com/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

What should you do about a situation where you are being deliberately baited: in a one-on-one setting, in a small group, or in a polarized family? Don’t rise to the bait! I can see no upside to that and plenty of potential downside.

Choose not to avoid the conflict but to resist the bait. What would that look like? You could carefully frame the message you want to send. With or without explicitly mentioning the bait. But thinking through how to move toward a better situation, not make things worse.

When the bait is dangled publicly – when more than the dangler and the, um, danglee are aware of the bait – consider taking it private.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/  And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

We may try to ignore, minimize, or delay dealing with a conflict. And then we can pivot in the other direction and rush to jump into action. Better to make a plan about how to address it. Start with who, what, where, when, how, and why. And perhaps add in a “what if” to allow for the dynamics of addressing the situation.

Learn more about the Purposeful Planning Institute here: https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

In 2016, a book titled Never Split the Difference was published by Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator.  Voss offers nine principles to use in negotiations. One of them is mirroring.  In a nutshell, mirroring means using the last one to three words the other person used, without agreeing or disagreeing, but using an inquisitive tone. The idea is that you sound like you are paying close attention to what the other person is saying. One view is that this type of negotiating tactic will make the other person feel at ease and keep them talking.

What would you think if you realized someone was applying mirroring to you? Would you feel that you trusted the person more? That you wanted to keep talking? Or – would you have a different view. You know that a tactic is being applied to you. You feel that someone is trying to manipulate you. You feel inclined to trust the other person less, not more. 

We can do better. Instead of trying to create the appearance that you are carefully listening to the other person how about a reality that you are doing exactly that?

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.