Hello and welcome back to Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

On this episode, Dave and Mike welcome Gary Smotherman, a hot-shot defense attorney from the urban sprawl that is Houston.

Gary gives out absolutely no binding legal advice but we do learn about his sordid past, filled with pretzel thievery and a real desire to do what he thinks is right.

Man, this guy is a nice fella and really does believe in the system.

Dave relives the good old days, selling over-priced-low-rise- jeans to unsuspecting teenagers and Mike talks about prostitutes and serial killers (as he can).

The fellas had some technical difficulties along the way but managed to bring it on home.

A special "jail is somewhat bad" episode of Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

Warning!

In this episode David and Mike do their best to get banned from all social media while simultaneously using social media to turn their own children into (adorable) zombies.

A YouTube sensation pretends to be angry with one of the greatest boxers of all time and is given money for his endeavors.

A tiny dog may have been injured (or killed!) by a much larger dog and the beetles and worms in the fecund earth silently rejoice.

Dave and Mike also raise their voices (slightly) and pick their favorite Vaccine Passport barcode.

Thanks for tuning in and as always, this podcast will not cure any form of sexually transmitted disease. Probably.

Welcome back to Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

Here at the show, Dave and Mike pride themselves on hitting all of today's hard-hitting headlines.

They were wondering if you were wondering why landscape timbers seem to be a bit more pricey than they used to be. 

It's true. They actually discussed the price of lumber and why can't you seem to get a decent gallon of 2% Belarusian milk these days.

Mike offers advice to recent college graduates and Dave almost unwittingly becomes a part of the (gay) porn business.

It's an all over the place episode and we're just glad you're here.

Be sure to tip your waitress and remember this episode of the podcast is sponsored by my debit card.

Welcome back to Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

Warning: This episode has at least 200% more murder than a standard episode and if you listen you will hear the words:

"Torture"
"Emasculation"
"Brutal"
"Um"

Guaranteed!

You will also hear about Randy "The Scorecard Killer" Kraft, a sadistic (aren't all murderers sadistic?) murderer who raped, tortured and killed at least 67 men in California during the 1970's and 1980's.

You will also-also hear about the life and crimes of Luis "The Beast" Garavito, another rapist and murderer who may have killed 300 children in the 1980's and 1990's Columbia.

A special "I can't count that high" episode of Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

Welcome back to Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

Aliens! Outrage! Firing squads and electric chairs!

In this episode you get to choose your own method of execution. It's essentially a choose your own adventure novel and no matter the choice, you always have to start back over on page 11.

Here at Crudely Drawn Conclusions we feel it is important to sprinkle any extraterrestrial podcast with critical race theory and a trip to the hell/heaven that is suburbia.

Relax, it doesn't have to be coherent, just try to enjoy the free ride.

Also

Occasionally try to remember to look up at the night sky and remember there is no up, only out.

Hellos and welcome back to Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

We all know it's easy to solve the eternal conflict in the middle east. Easy-Peasey.

Picture it, if you will: Israel is now Montana.

Don't worry. We will explain.

Dave and Mike also tackle the ongoing Tiger Crisis and the pipeline shutdown that only makes sense if you have never held a wrench.

Good clean fun for everyone.

Hello and welcome back to Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

In this Episode Dave and Mike discuss the different techniques that should (or shouldn't) be employed when assisting your child in the assault or attempted murder of another child.

Nonsense!

As always, it's strictly business here at the show and the fellas take the time to discuss the little-known Derek Chauvin / George Floyd case.

You may not be familiar with this obscure proceeding but it was apparently a pretty big deal. 

Some folks were pretty...pretty...pretty upset.

Don't worry, Dave and Mike will explain it all to you in detail in just a little under an hour.

Welcome back to Crudely Drawn Conclusions. In This Episode Dave and Mike solve the border crisis, eliminate mass-shootings and plan their own funerals in just a bit over an hour.

If you can stick around to the end you might even experience the rapture.

This is real science we just made up!

No weapons of mass destruction were confiscated during the production of this episode.

Murder!

Murder?

Murder.

In this episode Dave takes the day off and Mike uses the chance to describe the life and crimes of Johan "Jack" Unterweger, an Austrian-born serial killer who strangled at least ten victims before shuffling off this mortal coil in 1994.

Don't worry.

Dave will return in the next episode but give this one a listen and find out what you have in common with Orcas, The Marquis de Sade and chimps.

An all murder - all the time edition of Crudely Drawn Conclusions.

Dave makes salient points concerning current events and the power of corruption in the election process and Mike quietly nurses a rather acute hangover and almost overdoes on mid-range-dark roast coffee.

Somewhere along the way they both realize another podcast is complete and Mike declares he won't ever drink again until sometime later in the evening.

Both gentleman agree rape is bad and it's impossible to count to 29 trillion.

Just more fun and games from the fellas who had absolutely nothing to do with the unfortunate death of your grandmother.