'Tracking numbers for packages have gone from your best friend to worst enemy. They used to be a shining light in your world that kept you informed... now they're just a reminder that your package isn't getting there in time.'
'How pumped do you get when your neighbour shovels a tiny bit of your sidewalk? It's only like 2 feet, but you feel so grateful!'
'Life tip: always check your spam folder. You might find a free pizza coupon in there'