'My wife bought this fancy olive oil dispenser. She put it right by the sink, so I thought it was a fancy organic soap dispenser or something... been washing my hands with olive oil for like 3 weeks'
'Spanish play-by-play sports announcers deserve a raise. My goodness they are so good at what they do.'
'We all have that one friend who denies that they snore. If you call them out on their snoring they will turn into Shaggy... wasn't me!'