'I'm softer than cupboard butter... so yeah, I turned my furnace on yesterday'

'The toughest part for these parents who are homeschooling their children is going be venting about their long day. Because the thing they want to vent about is sitting on the couch watching cartoons'

'Those Huskies paw print sweatpants are more Saskatoon than complaining about where SaskTel Centre is and then debating about a downtown arena that we'll probably never get'

Did you hear about this Huskies sweatpants rumour? Apparently the U of S is discontinuing the paw print sweats! SAY IT AIN'T SO, U OF S!

'Whenever someone tells me a boring story that goes nowhere I just say 'oh good story' with a very serious face and walk out of the room'

'You can buy one of the old STC buses for $9,000... plus, there's probably a few extra DVDs in the upper compartment. Shrek 2 for free, score!'

'The boot room in elementary school is what nightmares are made of'

'It's early September, which means the Western Canadian Shorts Guy is often laughed at for his choice of garments. But he will get the last laugh... Because when the temperature gets to +25 later in the day, Shorts Guy will be the only one not regretting their clothing choices.'

The Western Canadian Shorts Guy: A majestic, but misunderstood creature.

'One positive to sex with a mask on? No hickeys! You can just go to town on someone's neck with zero risk of a hickey.'

'You know you're turning into a crotchety old man when clothing is making you upset'

'Imagine ordering wet tenders at a restaurant... no thanks.'

You know that feeling when you ask a question, and then three seconds later you realize how stupid the question was?

Stacie had one of those this morning... Sorry in advance, Rosetown. #CruzMornings

'Some people think the legendary Pelican Slide in Saskatoon was the one in Kinsmen Park... NAY NAY! The original Pelican Slide was the one made of wood and tucked away in some bushes by the old Mendel Art Gallery. What ever happened to that slide?'

'If you were a non-smoker in high school, the smoking area was like the Upside Down from Stranger things. So scary.'

'Have you ever not taken a basket at the grocery store because you only need 2 things, and then you end up getting like 8 things, but because you don't have a cart or basket you end up hugging your groceries the whole time?'

'I really hope the price of lumber stays super high because it gives me an excuse to keep putting off projects around the house.'

'Ever get a delayed hangover? You wake up and feel fine, so you make a bunch of plans... 2 hours later the hangover hits you and your day is ruined.'

'Never start a prank war with someone who is competitive. They will not stop until you get seriously injured'

'If you don't know anything about football, join a fantasy league. It's the people who have no idea what's going on that usually win the whole thing'

'It's super cold in the morning, then super hot in the afternoon... You know those pants with zippers that can turn into shorts? It's their time to shine!'

'We need to rethink the whole pizza while you move into a new house thing... going up and down stairs for 5 hours after crushing half a pie? No thanks.'

'The first sleep at a new place is the opposite of relaxing. Every little noise makes you think your house is either haunted or broken'

"We all have that one friend who never gets any references. Pop culture, sports, history, doesn't matter what the reference is... they won't get it.'

'They're basically Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants because it's like they live under a rock... You can't tell them that joke either because they probably wouldn't get it'