"Do you even know the difference between Jam and Jelly?"

"I did a version of Jay's in 30...but in 19.5 seconds. Which doesn't sound as cool"

"You want $$ for your wedding present? Invite a bunch of Farmers"

"Apparently if you can't make it to a wedding you're supposed to still send a gift...Huh. Good to know"

"People are paying $1,500 for someone to name their Baby ASPEN"

"Apparently snow isn't always 'good for the farmers'"

'We all have that one friend who despises the TV show Friends, and it seems like it's their mission in life to get you to hate the show as much as they do.'

We get it, they wouldn't be able to afford those apartments... #CruzMornings #yxe

'We all have that one friend who despises the TV show Friends, and it seems like it's their mission in life to get you to hate the show as much as they do.'

We get it, they wouldn't be able to afford those apartments... #CruzMornings #yxe

"I know I just put away all the winter clothes, but the snow is good for the Farmers"

"I used cream that expired on April 9th. The sniff test never fails"

'Virgin Emergency would be a terrible name for a band.'

'Toothpaste gunk is it's own consistency. It's both hard and soft somehow.'

'Imagine if there was a Twitter account that tweeted out all of the mistakes you made at work as soon as you were done your shift for everyone to see...'

'If I had $50 billion dollars, I'd also buy everything that pisses me off.'

#CruzMornings #yxe

'The intro is right. These are so bad that they're actually kind of good.' - Some guy named Trent who texts us a lot.

'Used to absolutely hate this segment, but the last few times it's actually been not bad.' - Jennifer, another random person from our text line.

'Every April, I go to the golf dome and absolutely mash the ball. I feel like Shooter McGavin and leave that place with all the confidence in the world... By hole 4 of the first round of the year, my 3 wood is already in the bushes. Why do you have to give me false hope, driving range?!' #CruzMornings