BONUS EPISODE: Hey, we watched the pilot for Charmed. This is not a commentary on the quality of the show, whatsoever. It is commentary on simply: the pilot. Please enjoy!

Chapter 22: Veronica gets her hands dirty(er,) Betty and Archie get up close and recklessly personal with the Black Hood, and Jughead stares off into the distance, longingly. Our 2017 Riverdale FINALE (we'll be back next week, though, with a SURPRISE).

Chapter 21: Jughead and Betty get some unexpected and hugely welcome news about F.P. Jones, Archie and Veronica figure out they can't communicate so well, AND THEN EVERYTHING SUCKS FOREVER AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD *SLAMS DOOR*

Chapter 20: Jughead goes for a ride with the Candyman, Josie loses two Pussycats but gains a heart and Veronica catches a glimpse of Sheriff OCP. Or should I say Sheriff ABS?

Chapter 19: Mayor McCoy and Sheriff OCP lose their damn minds, Jughead stands up to them losing their damn minds, and Betty searches for the illusive Sugarman (who has almost certainly lost his or her damn mind).

Chapter 18: Betty gets gaslit by the best of 'em, Ronnie's ghoul comes back to BE HORRIBLE ALWAYS FOREVER, and somebody gets exactly what is coming to them.

Trigger warning for real: episode contains attempted sexual assault.

Chapter 17: Betty makes a lot mistakes, Archie makes way more mistakes, the town begins to fracture at the seams, sides become a lot harder to draw, and we are no longer bleeping swearing because it's so infrequent anyway. Love youuuuuuu.

Chapter 16: Archie has a gun and Janie got jealous. Everything is existential horror all the time. Jughead catches a break (bone).

Chapter 15: As terror looms over the kids of Riverdale, Betty takes on yet another side project to wildly fantastic results, and Jughead learns that actions are going to have consequences--oh--and Archie buys a gun because the store was out of brains. RIVERDALE!

Chapter 14: Fred has a most relaxing day as he clings to life due to the events of our first season finale, we meet Hiram--finally, and everybody else acts varying degrees of straight trippin'.