Chapter 6: Archie makes every bad decision he can, somehow screwing over Val, Josie, and Veronica MULTIPLE TIMES in the process, while Betty and Jughead galavant in B-plot territory that should be A-plot territory. Oh, and all the parents in the entire town continue to set a fresh, new bar for being garbage people.

Chapter 5: The Blossoms hold a funeral and memorial for their dearly departed son--as only they can. Veronica's mom reaches out once again to Fred with less-mixed signals this time, and Betty tightens her Nancy Drew hat while wearing a Hardy Boys shirt.

Chapter 4: Jughead acts like a real wiener until we know why he's being a wiener, Betty puts on her best Encyclopedia Brown hat, and all of the proverbial shit in the universe hits every fan in town.

Chapter 3: Cheryl becomes a human being, if only for a moment, Betty and Jughead become the Woodward and Bernstein of school newspapers, and Stranger Things' Barb finds a new home in Riverdale.

Chapter 2: A Touch of Evil. Archie falls further down the Grundy rabbit hole, Cheryl goes full-Patton, and Jughead learns about said rabbit hole.

Chapter 1 - The River's Edge. The mystery of what happened to Jason Blossom come more clearly into focus, Archie shreds with brooding, acoustic softness, and Jughead eats food.