Daddio Patio

It's finally here, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE SEQUEL TO THE CHICAGO WRASSLIN ROAD TRIP EPISODE. That's right, after all the isolation, Peach & Andy get back on the road to pick up where the left off.

Caffiene induced anxiety? you got it. Country Fried steak from Cracker Barrel? Of course! Advertisements? You bet your freakin Alanis Morisette CD we got em.    This episode is recorded on the road, by the road, for the road, and in the damn road. Please excuse our dear aunt sally for the variations in audio quality. We’ll be back in the stu soon enough.    Thanks for listening, go live your gimmick.

On a late night phone call, Peach & Andy ask the important questions. What's the deal with unicycles? What do the different colors of Nike Air Monarchs mean? Why can't those pesky priests just stop molesting kids? How come gratuitous violence can be seen on regular tv, but female nipples are censored? Is it possible to be a successful adult in America without being a total hypocrite? They also recap some of the most memorable super bowl performances. All this and more on this late nite bonus episode. 

 

ALSO: Look out for the sequel to "DP99 - Live Your Gimmick" coming soon!

We're back. That's right, the first official episode of 2021 - it only took us 7 months. You thought we grew out of ass & sack jokes? NO! We grew IN to the show. This episode was recorded on an actual patio, with a couple of actual dads. We earned this. Anyway, we ask a few burning questions. What if George Costanza never went bald? Why did Lance kill so many lightning bugs? Why did God see it fit to take John Denver from this world? DID BUTTERFREE HAVE SHOES ON?? Also, Peach recounts his first time in the boxing ring! This is a long episode, but there was a lot to cover. Some say we are crusty, sweaty, and forgotten. To that we say - yes. Thanks for listening.

Not to be a dungeon of pessimism, but 2020 sucked. We never meant to cause you any sorrow, we never meant to cause you any pain. The Daddios put one more masked episode in the books for this shitty year. This is the funniest, most carefree episode we've done in a long time. All of your favorite DP topics are covered: snacks, strange addictions, Lance abusing his little brother, public pools, sandwiches, janitors, video games, and everything else your calloused little 2020 heart yearns for. 

Notable absence: orange man. It's time we all reach out for something new, that means you too. But hey, don't forget - poop comes with us into 2021. Things have been tough, but we've managed to keep our sanity by laughing at the absurd and insane things in this world. Thanks for giggling with us. We'll see ya next year. 

With a slight lifting of the psychological weight, the Daddios come back in a glorious return to form. This episode has all of the absurdity, philosophy, nostalgia, animal discussions, and bullshit that you've come to expect from your esteemed hosts. Of course, we're still masked in the dark basement. 

Speaking of psychological weight, being an educator must be very difficult. It's a damn shame that most educators are not paid accordingly. I mean, they're only responsible for a whole generation of minds. The Daddios call friend and longtime listener Alex to ask him about his experience as a middle school teacher. Alex took it upon himself to give us a talkin-to. That's right, we were disciplined on our own show. 

Clearly, the boys didn't grow up, they then discuss the future of nudity, and Collin reveals that he himself is DairyDaddy on OnlyFans. 

All this and more, but fair warning: this episode contains spoilers from the Frog and Toad books. 

It's good to be back. 

By popular demand, the demon has been vanquished. Hey, we never set out to talk politics on this podcast, but it's been pretty hard to ignore over the last 4 years. I mean, a reality tv show guy who is painted up like a fucking insecure idiot has been actively undermining democracy at every turn, while shouting thinly-veiled racist, sexist, and bigoted language to applauding crows of lost souls. Kinda weird, right?

Hey, if you supported T**mp, that's really fucking stupid (and shitty), but there is still time to change. Wake up, he's a con artist with an empty cavity where a heart should be. Also, for the first time, we let his ugly-ass name ring out on our airwaves, but only because this is a victory lap, and our editor is a lazy piece of shit. 

Alright, now that that's over with, on to the important stuff: Three of the Daddios gathered in Andy's centipede dungeon, masked, amidst the backdrop of an ongoing global pandemic. Important question - after the boys die, who will carry the Daddio Patio torch and illuminate this dark world? Wouldn't you like to know! They each elect a successor on this episode. Dr. Sant makes a digital appearance, as does an old friend who reminds Andy of a plum-flavored promise he made years ago. 

All this and more on a new episode that is equal parts sincere, and insane. 

We're still in this damn pandemic, so the boys had another masked conversation in the basement. This week, we were sans Sant. Collin was not physically present, but still made an appearance. The Swan King actually flew over the pond to join us. 

Hey what the hell is sauce? I mean we know what it is but what's the origin story? What was the first sauce? Also, how do Cool Ranch Doritos look under a microscope? Has society gone past sincerity on the internet? Is there any purpose in stating how you feel on Facebook? Is that just inviting ridicule? Why did the guy from Sugar Ray get so mad when someone called him Sugar Gay? Isn't it obvious that homophobia is dumb obsolete bullshit? 

Also, Lance shares some thoughts on parenthood. His words are heartfelt and sincere, from a new father's perspective - it could bring a tear to a statue's eye. 

Our show is often ridiculous, and overflowing with shit jokes. This one's a little more serious than usual, but that's okay, we're in weird times. 

Okay, now go vote. 

We're still in this damn pandemic, so the boys had another masked conversation in the basement. This week, we were sans Sant. Collin was not physically present, but still made an appearance. The Swan King actually flew over the pond to join us. 

Hey what the hell is sauce? I mean we know what it is but what's the origin story? What was the first sauce? Also, how do Cool Ranch Doritos look under a microscope? Has society gone past sincerity on the internet? Is there any purpose in stating how you feel on Facebook? Is that just inviting ridicule? Why did the guy from Sugar Ray get so mad when someone called him Sugar Gay? Isn't it obvious that homophobia is dumb obsolete bullshit? 

Also, Lance shares some thoughts on parenthood. His words are heartfelt and sincere, from a new father's perspective - it could bring a tear to a statue's eye. 

Our show is often ridiculous, and overflowing with shit jokes. This one's a little more serious than usual, but that's okay, we're in weird times. 

Okay, now go vote. 

Once again, The Daddios took refuge from 2020 in Andy's basement. They found little comfort, as they were instantly reminded of the house centipede infestation down there in the darkness. They had to talk about the current state of things - masks, the clown dictator, bugs, global pandemic, etc. Seems all bad right? Wrong! At the time of recording Lancey Boy was on the precipice of validating the title of the show -- That's right, becoming a DAD! The first of The Daddios to become a real Daddio. Amazing.

Also, after showing up with shrimp, Collin beats his microphone like Rocky beat his meat. After a few technical difficulties, the boys get back on track. Dr. Sant joins via phone from the tip of a mountain in Colorado!

The world is pretty crazy right now, but still, there is beauty all around. We've found renewed appreciation for the small things amidst the ugliness of 2020. We hope you can too. Thanks for laughing with us.

Some people are lucky enough to exit this world in a painless, non-memorable way. Some people decide to have a JO session in the closet while choking themselves. Will they get off or pay the ultimate price? Check the front page of the newspaper in Thailand to find out, it might spoil the ending of Kill Bill for you though. The thing is, it’s hard to overshadow death by auto-erotic asphyxiation, or whatever it’s called. Didn’t that happen in the movie “World’s Greatest Dad”? Idk, we can’t remember, the only thing that sticks out from that movie is Robin Williams’ bare balls in the pool. 

Anyway, we gathered in the basement, masked, amidst the collapsing society around us to discuss the usual: 90’s movies, the pitfalls of social media usage, death, Mortal Kombat, our “Dear Leader”, and of course— poo poo pee pee jokes. Dr. Sant makes a physical appearance, can you believe it?

After laughing about death, the Daddios ponder— are we evil? We asked the question just before the centipedes took over the basement and Lance’s death screams shattered the foundation of Andy’s house.