Daddio Patio

Cleanliness, what the hell is that? Can we truly clean ourselves or our environment? Are we just smearing the filth around for our own selfish illusion of cleanliness? Also, what the hell happened to all of those people you went to kindergarten with? Collin has a plan for you to find out.    All this and more on this episode of DP. 

Before the hurricane season Daddio Patio did a water episode.

Before the vegas shooting they discussed gun violence.   Before the avalanche of sexual assault allegations they did an speisode about shame.   What other things will Daddio Patio forecast? What's the deal with the world and social media? Why are we all obsessed with our little internet avatar caricatures?   This episode we talk about shame, from To Catch a Predator, to Cheaters, to call-out culture, DP gives their limited, cloudy, Busch Beer fueled perspective. 

What’s the deal with waiting for episodes of this podcast? I mean do they really expect you to wait 2 weeks for a shitty episode?    This week, we finally have a dream guest of ours on: Emily D! We all met up to talk about meetings. We each prepared a powerpoint to explain ourselves to one another.    Sometimes meetings are just bullshit, other times, people get down to the real, authentic truth. Speakin’ of the truth, gun violence is pretty fucked up, and so is the city we live in! The apocalypse is imminent, AI grows exponentially, and carbon emissions are destroying our habitat. The daddios take a moment to reflect on these truths before quickly moving on to farts and 90’s nostalgia.    But hey speakin’ of the apocalypse, remember that movie Independence Day? Remember when Jeff Goldblum uploaded AOL version 2.1 on a floppy disk to the Aliens' Dell? The aliens tried to catch him and Will Smith, it was close but no cigar. Our heroes escaped moments before the crazy uncle from Christmas Vacation flew a Kamakaze mission straight into the butthole of the mothership. (that’s how we remembered it, at least). Rumor has it that Jeff Goldblum plays every character in the next one, kinda like The Nutty Professor.    Dr. Sant & Carey join us remotely, as they pet a horse under the beautiful Utah stars. Dr. Sant makes a surprise announcement, and Peaches signs a contract with God. Dang, life's cool.    Check our this beautiful, sincere, heartbreaking, uplifiting, strange episode. This is real freakin’ life, can you believe it?

Dangit, there’s so much nuance in the day to day existence that it’s hard to tell what’s really a win, and what’s a loss. The truth is, life is fuckin’ weird and confusing— is that why our little minds require the simplicity of a clear, decisive win? I mean sure your boss promoted you, but was it really worth all you had to do? Does your boss even like you? If you’re a winner, stand up and quit your job before the end of this episode. 

This week, the Daddios are joined by special guest Mr. Fingers, who also brought along his own guest: Nick Schleicher. Both of em are fuckin’ losers. I mean, yeah, Mr. Fingers won the Pinewood Derby several times, but it’s only because his dad helped him cheat. Collin came in dead last, but at least his dad was honest. In this twisted world, honest fathers finish dad last.    We didn’t have enough mics for everyone, but hey, ya win some ya lose some. This episode comes a day early so we don’t want any complaints. Go to hell, ya bronze medal babies.   Anyway, did Conor really lose to Mayweather? I mean he gained so much money and notoriety. Did Stone Cold really lose at Wrestlemania 13 when he passed out in the sharpshooter with blood all over his face? Is 2 Chainz right? If you woke up this morning did you really win?    It doesn’t matter, because everything is always sometimes.    Thanks for listening, we love ya.   Sometimes. 

This week, the Daddios discuss the elixer or life: water. 

Strangely, we decided to record this episode just before the marathon of hurricanes, so while there’s no talk of Hurricane Harvey, there’s plenty of talk about Hurricane Harbor. Water is so freakin important, we depend on it, and it's fun! But when there’s just too much of it, it can be dangerous, and tragic. That shit's no joke! Our cosmic patio energy is with those suffering from the bullshit weather 💖 (listeners, please consider donating to the relief effort of your choice)

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Public pool? More like pubic pool! Remember how freakin' gross the stagnant water in the wave pool at Hurricane Harbor was? Our special guest, Nick Schleicher tells the story of when his dad pooped in the wave pool just to watch it evacuate. (Is that a form of terrorism?)

Also, is it really fair that Goro only has two nipples, but four arms? I mean I feel like you should have at least as many nips as you have arms. Did James fuckin' Cameron really go to the bottom of the sea? What kind of fatalities do you think a referee, or a janitor would have in Mortal Kombat? Speakin' of janitors, what's the difference between a janitor and a custodian?

All this & more on this week's Daddio Patio.

Dive in!

Animals are dangerous-- fuckin' dangerous. With so many different creatures that could lead you to your demise, which is the scariest? I mean those giant squids I seen on Monster Quest could abuse you in ways you can't even imagine, but a chimp could rip your face off, twist it around it's hand, and spin it like a helicpoter. 

It's obvious, dangit, that humans are the scariest, most evil creatures on the planet. Look what the hell we've done to one another. Can we ever forgive each other? Find out, this week on Daddio Patio, as the boys discuss Dangerous Animals. 

Wait, who the hell are you people again? What are we doing? Oh, that's right, we have a podcast, we completely forgot! 

This week, the Daddios were joined by Kevin D to talk about forgetting. None of them could remember a damn thing to say, because they're under 30 and senile. Speakin' of, when's the last time you saw a janitor with a toupee? 

It's good to be back, join the boys this week as they return to the table to discuss what they have forgotten.