Farrah Abraham and her 6 Year old vs Nicki Minaj, chick bites off Wal Mart employee's finger, bicycle thief banned from riding bikes for life, dude assualted twice after refusing to accept attacker's apology, Asian chick makes soap from her own fat after losing weight and sends the soap to his family, Cubicle Chronicles

Chick bites her husbands face over Hillary Duff dispute, thief force fed 48 bananas to recover golden chain he stole and swallowed, PhD student afraid gays are using Grindr to secretly take over the world, Judge throws out lawsuit from an inmate who pooped his pants, and a Marry Fuck Kill Monday - Golden Globes edition

Zuckerberg's creating a robot to raise his kid, 43 year old with the bionic dick losing his virginity to a dominatrix, Jaden Smith is modeling chick clothes because hes an asshole, Florida man crushes a kid while playing video games, Powerball winner drops 21 mil on bailing out her boyfriend 3 times, and a Marry Fuck Kill of the worst days of the year

Dude eaten by an alligator hiding from police in a pond, chick gets 34% more matches on Tinder with DD tits, first US penis transplant is about to go down, NJ gas station owner charges 2x as much for his gas and DGAF, Georgia woman puts up an ad on Craigslist for "unwanted babies"

Dude has sex with a tow bar in front of a grandmother and her granddaughter, astronaut running a marathon in space, Bud Weisser arrested for breaking into Budweiser factory, inviting kids to your birthday is now discrimination, chick stabbed at Art Basel, and Lebron now has his own font

Fifth graders try to blow up their school, mom faces jail time for letting her kid play outside, Spanish incest couple blames everyone else for ruining their relationship, Disney Dating sites, and is calling someone Gollum really considered an insult?​

The ​Cavs ban "hoverboards," Japanese porn star opens up the GROSSEST restaurant ever, deer hunting season is stripper season in Michigan, and Russian Maxim forgives famous gay people for being gay

Doctors yanked a baby's head off in India, student kicked out of school for consensual threesome, school bus driver has sex on the bus, the smartest people in the world are sarcastic, and new rules prevent Paralympians from sitting on their nutsack

Pimp facing life in prison in Florida confesses to NYC murder to come home to New York, Asshole showdown of the week: Woman who got catfished for $200,000 vs Dude who gave $718,000 to psychics, the moon may actually be a planet, Pastafarians are the worst people in the world, Angelina and Brad Pitt's movie BOMBS

cold pizza, Rumblr is a hoax, woman runs over her husband with a car over chores, Indonesia using crocodiles as prison guards, police compare sexual assault to drinking tea, kids who grow up religious are assholes