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Darkseid's Couch episodes
- S14:E9 - Shazam! No. 11 (1973)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée shout their magic word, "Podcast!" and suddenly find themselves reading Shazam! no. 11! As 1973 was drawing to a close, there was just enough time for a few more inexplicable adventures featuring Captain Marvel, the teenage boy who can transform into a burly man at will yet never thinks to try and get any. First, Cap must eat literal tons of cherry gelatin, despite the fact that it's going to throw his sugar intake way off and make him logy at the gym tomorrow. Then, a wannabe superhero proves that it takes more than a costume to do Captain Marvel's job: It also takes a willingness to use vigilante justice to flout the law. Finally, the evil Dr. Sivana attempts to shorten Christmas to ten minutes, while leaving Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Ramadan unaltered. So... is that culturally insensitive or not?
0 min - S14:E8 - Jonah Hex No. 34 (1979)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée celebrate the holidays with 1979's Jonah Hex no. 34! Hot on the trail of some yuletide bandits, the grizzled bounty hunter finds himself in a town populated by nothing but miscreants and lowlives! Assuming he's just wandered into Des Moines, Jonah is shocked to find out that he's actually discovered a genuine outlaw town, and it's run by his own dirtbag of a father! Papa Hex doesn't take too kindly to his boy bringing all this big city justice around and throws him in jail, which is exactly the kind of cold-blooded leadership that made him the mayor of a criminal settlement in the first place, so at least it's very on-brand. Jonah Hex may be the rootinest, tootinest, horrific-facial-disfigurementest lawman in all the land, but is he tough enough to deal with his unresolved daddy issues this Christmas? And did he remember to charge overtime for working on a federal holiday?0 min
- S14:E7 - Street Sharks No. 3 (1996)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée dive into the sewers with 1996's Street Sharks no. 3! That's right, it's time to get totally tubular with the righteous kings of gnarly 90s underground anthropomorphic superdudes! No, not the ninja turtles, these guys are way cooler! They wear pants! They eat drywall! And their dumbass mutant villains are a lobster and a swordfish, not a rhino and a warthog! Seriously, a warthog? What's extreme about that? Do you even gene splice, bro? So take a property-damaging trip with the Street Sharks as they recklessly destroy Fission City in order to... save Fission City. Somehow. Which Shark is YOUR favorite? Trick question, they're all exactly the same.0 min
- S14:E6 - William Shatner's TekWorld No. 1 (1992)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée glimpse the future by reading a 28-year-old comic! In William Shatner's TekWorld no. 1, all of Los Angeles is held in the devastating grip of a new microchip-based drug called Tek. It's basically an Oculus Rift that you don't have to buy DLC for, which means drug lords are officially more consumer-friendly than the video game industry. Since corporate America isn't getting a cut of the action, they decide to pull some strings and arrange an early release for the only man who can get the epidemic under control: A disgraced, roughish ex-cop who's absolutely NOT a thinly-disguised William Shatner analogue! If he was, wouldn't he have a spare tire and a toupee casually sliding off the back of his head without him realizing it? Duh!0 min
- S14:E5 - Shogun Warriors No. 15 (1980)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée climb into their mecha suits to read 1980's Shogun Warriors no. 15! The Yakuza have infiltrated the headquarters of inexplicable giant robot task force the Shogun Warriors, who were right in the middle of squandering billions of dollars on one of their weird trust fall exercises! Completely disregarding the maintenance requirements of a 100-foot tall bipedal machine, the Yakuza figure that stealing one will finally make them popular, provided they can figure out how to make it walk without crashing into a mountain and immediately shattering. If you're going to go to all that trouble at least make sure to steal an extra power cable, you don't want to be running one of those things on batteries.55 min
- S14:E4 - Married... With Children: Quantum Quartet No. 1 (1993)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée share a big cartoon turkey leg while reading Married... With Children: Quantum Quartet no. 1! In the 90s, NOW Comics was printing cash publishing low-effort adaptations of popular IPs for undiscerning kids who would scoop up literally anything. Feeling pretty cocky about their success, NOW decided to jump completely off the rails by mashing together television's lowbrow losers the Bundys with an unlicensed satire of Marvel's first family, the Fantastic Four! It's a cornucopia of corny jokes and wildly inconsistent characterizations, and it probably sold more copies than War & Peace. Plus, a Darkseid's Couch investigative report: Just how underage was Christina Applegate during the show, and should someone be in prison right now?58 min
- S14:E3 - Hero Alliance No. 16 (1991)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée slip into something more comfortable to read Hero Alliance no. 16! The Dark Age of Comic Books was in full swing in 1991, and Hero Alliance aimed to be the perfect time capsule of grim 'n' gritty funnybook excess. Innovation Publishing made sure to include all of the era's biggest hits in one amazing package: Casual brutality, juvenile insults, billowy capes, and more bared teeth than a Doberman trying to eat corn on the cob. But no encapsulation of the times would be complete without multiple gratuitous sex scenes, designed to both titillate and disgustipate. A generation of repressed proto-incel comic book nerds salutes you, Hero Alliance! That's, uh... that's not something to be proud of, by the way.1 hr 3 min
- S14:E2 - Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen No. 134 (1970)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée cast their judgement on Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen no. 134! Jack Kirby had just begun his massive Fourth World saga, kicking it off the way all great stories start: With a ginger kid leading a gang of space bikers into a secret dimension! After using his newfound authority to get Superman to stop being such a buzzkill about "safety" and "reckless endangerment," Olsen's free to take a group of children on a hyperspeed, fourth-dimensional joyride for reasons nobody bothers explaining! Dude, when you're this high, the most conspicuous thing you can do is start asking for things to make sense.1 hr 2 min
- S14:E1 - Captain America No. 450 (1996)
This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée cast their ballot for comic book nonsense when they read 1996's Captain America no. 450! President Clinton is feeling salty about all the treason that his BFF Steve Rogers has been committing lately and deports him to England to think about what he's done. No longer an officially-sanctioned superhero, Cap is free to do all the weird stuff he always wanted to try, like saluting a different flag and calling French fries "chips." Unfortunately, he's more concerned with tracking down the terrorists he thinks framed him, even though he kinda actually did do all that bad stuff in the first place. Dude, just enjoy your retirement. You're like 80.
47 min - S13:E10 - Detective Comics Nos. 514-517 (1982)This time on the Couch: Mike, James, and Shée slither their way through Detective Comics issues 514-517! Vigilante crime fighter Batgirl has a problem: Her pants keep getting destroyed when she transforms into an unholy half-snake abomination. Well, technically that's two problems. It's a race against time as Batgirl tries to find a way to reverse the horrible curse that's slowly eating away at her humanity, but also giving her a pretty sweet Halloween costume. Plus, Batman turns into a vampire! Again! At a certain point you have to start wondering why he hasn't bothered cooking up a cure for that yet. It's just getting suspicious, is all.1 hr 14 min
About Darkseid's Couch
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Mike, James, and Shée read old comic books and make themselves hate all forms of artistic expression in the process.