Dealing With My Grief

People have been reaching out to me asking what I'm doing this year for Mother's Day.

I will say a prayer for my mom, have a conversation with her... even if it's one sided and I'll do something that we'd normally do together. At least that is the plan.

"Plan" is the operative term. Just because I think that's what I want to do doesn't mean it'll happen that way. If I feel I need to switch it up, then I will. I encourage you to do the same. Make a plan and if it doesn't feel right, then change it and do something you're comfortable with. It could be meeting family or friends, or stayin home alone.

Finally... and I probably should have led with this...

Happy Mother's Day to all the ladies. every day is Mother's Day!

I love you, mom!!

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

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Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

After seeing so many posts about time healing all wounds this bast week and with the NFL draft taking place, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to talk about that dirty little for letter "T" word again... time.

Teams look to the NFL draft to make there teams better. Instead of waiting for their allotted pick to come and hoping that the player they may want to select will still be available the take action - they trade up to get to get him. This may cost them other pick in this draft or future drafts. It may ever\n cost them someone that is currently on t.he team.

Time heals all wounds is only half of the equation that's only true a third of the time - yes, that is Darwyn math. But is simplty means that time AND action begin the healing process. even then it may not work out as expected or planned.

I think people believe that time works the same with grief as it does with a cut or wound - the body has its own way of healing itself in this instance. Blood clots, a scab forms, and cells regenerate. we do very little except keep the wound clean.

Take action and give it time to work - it may not happen immediately and it may not turn out exactly the way you planned... but you should provide some benefit.

My episode on grief being like a scab can be found here: The Scab (and Scars) Left by Grief

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

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web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

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Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

Today is the 41st anniversary of my father's murder. I hcan vividly remember everything that happened on this day back on April 24, 1978. Walking into the store and finding my father lying face down in a pool of his own blood.

The difference this year is that I have to face this one alone... mom is not hear for me to talk to. The force that used to calm me and help me somehow make sense of all of it in no longer with me; she is with my father.

For the first time in 41 years, they are finally together on what will be their 55 wedding anniversary on April 25, 2019

Mentally I feel like my emotions are like a steel ball in a pinball machine...they are all over the place. At least I can take solace in knowing that they are finally together again.

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

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Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

This past weekend I participated in the 7th Annual DC Webfest, which showcases independent digital content creators in the areas of short films, web series, games, VR, podcasts and other areas. Surprisingly, the podcast won the festival's highest award for podcasting - the Gold Award.

I'd like to thank DC Webfest, 20/20 Productions and the judges who voted for the podcast. It was an honor to be included for selection with so many other great podcasts.

With that said, I made a stunning observation... people are listening to the message and with enough encouragement are sharing their own stories. during the presentation ceremony I found out that the festival's founder recently lost her mother to leukemia.

Many people were very interested in my story and really appreciated the conversation I'm continuing to spread around normalizing the conversation around grief.

The lesson - keep talking about it... don't be silent. You never know who might be listening or how you might be an inspiration for them to tell their story... if only to get something of their chest.

You don't have to be an author, blogger, or podcaster to make a difference. You just need a story - SHARE IT!

Don't be silent. Here are the stories of others who have shared their stories on the podcast:

Shelby Forsythia Sheaya Biddle Michelle Marek

Share your story whenever, wherever you can.

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

I've been asked if I get depressed after doing an episode of the podcast and Ive been told by many people that they can't listen to my show because they get the vibe that it will be depressing and it'll make them sad.

I ask these people if they watch television shows like NCIS, Law & Order, This is Us, or even 48 Hours. If the aswer is "yes" then my follow up question is why do you watch a show where you know someone is going to die and watch to see how the criminal gets caught, but you don't care about how someone in real life is picking up the pieces after losing someone special in their life.

We do we rush to fake TV shows but not want to help real people that we know that are going through real life tragedy?

Inquiring minds want to know!

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

Today I have a chat with Tom Biddulph.

Tom's blog, Good Grievings chronicles the several loss stories he's experienced throughout his life. As one who wrestled with if and how to share my own story, I was curious to discuss why he chose to blog about grief, or even speak about it in the first place.

As always, I'm always interested in discussing grief with other men.

You can find Tom's blog here: Good Grievings

Or connect with Tom on Twitter: @GoodGrievings

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

Reach in you pocket, wallet, or purse and pull out a bill, for me that is a 20 dollar bill. Now look at it and frocus on the different element of the bill. Where was it made? Have you been there and if so how did you like it?

How are you going to spend that money? Put gas in the car, buy groceries, or pay bills. maybe you'll save it - who knows?

When my parents died, they were different things to different people - mother, father, daughter, son, brother, sister... you get the picture. So when my mom died I had to think about others, how was she going to be memorialized. What things did her sister and my cousins want or not want to do. It could be all about what I wanted to do.

Getting back to that bill that you are holding... you could spend it allon yourself or you could take part of that an do something for someone else - buy yourself lunch and spend the rest on a greeting card to brightens someone else's day.

Even though it is hard to think with your head while grieving, it is possible to think with your head and your heart... difficult, but possible. We can still be considerate of others and let them publicly remember our loved one even though we might have done it in a different fashion. Sometimes there is no right or wrong... it just is.

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

Sometimes the things I plan don't come out as expected. This podcasr, for example, is edited before being released. You don't hear all of the umms, aahs, ands, or buts that I say during the episode's recording. The reason for this is that I've edited them out.

Grief is the same way... Sometimes, I put on a smile or tell people that I'm doing OK, but really I'm not. I'm simply masking my feelings because I don't want people to know that I'm hurting. I'm still trying to cope with the loss of my mother and I don't want others to know that I still haven't got that quite figured out.

How will I handle this?

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

This week I share an amazing conversation I had with a woman who is teaching her children that it is OK to speak about your grief and that it's Ok to be vulnerable around your children when it comes to grief.

Rhiannon Jones is a writer, life coach and author of the book "The Web of Grief."

She has written blog posts and articles for charities such as The British Heart Foundation as well as the mental health charity, Mind. After losing her brother suddenly and unexpectedly, she made the decision to not take life's blessing for granted, to help people to live to their fullest potential and to support those who know the pain of grief. When not actively helping people through her work, she enjoys spending time with her three boys and husband, learning Spanish and usually has her head stuck in a book. She is currently working on a new book to help people live their fullest, happiest and most authentic life by empowering them to grasp their potential and know their worth so that more lives aren't wasted away until the day we all say farewell.

Her book can be found here: https://amzn.to/2Tvv7Z2

Rhiannon's Facebook page: https://facebook.com/rhijonescoach

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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• Click here to subscribe via RSS
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

I had the opportunity ro watch one of my favorite movies, The Untouchables and to reflect on one of the key quotes of the movie for me...

"What are you prepared to do?"

This movie centers around Prohibition in America, a time when the manufacturing and consumption of alcohol was illegal.

Al capone establishes an illegal alcohol empire by manufacruing and selling liquor on the black market. Elliot Ness is a federal agent who enlists the help of Jim Malone, a Chicago police officer to help him catch and arrest Capone. Malone wants to know exactly what Ness is willing to do to convict Capone.

This phrase... "What are you prepared to do?" reminds me that in moving forward I might have to do things that I never thought that I should or could do in starting our continuing my grief recovery process - something I simply call "being comfortable being uncomfortable." It's being open to the possibility that you can live through your pain and just simply live again and that it might be difficult and painful doing so.

If you missed last weeks conversahtion with Anne Brener you can listen to it here: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/podcast/episode-149

Finally, I was on WPFW 89.3, a Washington DC metro area radio station, discussing the loss of my parents and tools I've used to cope. You can listen to it here: https://lnns.co/_SvB7cRzYGZ

For more grief related resources, please visit: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/grief-resources/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
• Click here to subscribe on Android
• Click here to subscribe via RSS
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice message - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/voicemail

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])