Dealing With My Grief

When I'm not working my day job, I usually have a camera in my hand taking pics of allkind, either jazz musicians or anything I find interesting on the street.

Facebook reminded me that I took a picture of a homeless man 3 years ago. While the photography industry seems to look down on taking pictures of the homeless I look at them in the same light as children on the sindes of milk cartons.

See, when I was 10, no one asked me then or even since then "Why haven't I gotten over my fathers death?" I think as we give children a pass as we give them a little more sympathy because they are the innocent victims of losing a loved one. As I reflect on this, I realize that I was living in the moment after my dad's death.

I wasn't thinking about missing him when I was married of having children... I was only 10. I spent my time thinking about TOMORROW. That's all I could focus on... school, homework, TV, chores and playing (not necessarily in that order.) In that respect I think I'm fortunate.

Homeless \people are not as fortunate. They are shamed and blmed for the position they find themseves in and they should do more to try to better themselves. Almost in the same way adults should find ways to deal with the fact that death is a part of life and they should do more to "get over it,"

In a way, the homeless may not be any more responsible for where they are in life than those children on the side of the milk carton.

I thionk we need to pay equal attention to them all.

Announcement: I have a new podcast coming out with the hosts of the Grief Dreams podcast call Grief Cafe where we will discuss grief related topics.

You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

I went through what I went through because God told me to go through it. - Allen Iverson

Two weeks ago, I questioned why people do the some of the things that they do... like go to church. I theorized that this was done because someone (our parents, probably) took you church at an early age and you got baptized (or went through whatever right of initiation your church has).

At some point you received the doctrine of your religion and that you were told that if you followed these teachings or this way of life, you would receive whatever the highest reward in that religion is... for Christians, this is heaven.

I never questioned this, until I was 10. What did I or my father do to deserve the fate that he received?

Nothing!!

Why did this happen? Surely a just God would not intentionally let his people live a life of struggle and strife.

As I pondered the quote by Allen Iverson referenced above, I must process the teachings of the church and see how it applies to me,. More importantly, if the central figure of Christianity had to pay the ultimate sacrifice, what makes me so special that I not go through any pain and suffering.

Announcement: I have a new podcast coming out with the hosts of the Grief Dreams podcast call Grief Cafe where we will discuss grief related topics.

You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
• Click here to subscribe on Android
• Click here to subscribe via RSS
• Click here to subscribe on Spotify

Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

Today I have a follow up conversation... a sort of health and welfare check with my good friend Shelby Forsythia.

Shelby Forsythia is the author of Permission to Grieve and podcast host of Coming Back: Conversations on Life After Loss. After the unexpected death of her mother in 2013, she became a "student of grief" and set out on a lifetime mission to explore the oft-misunderstood human experience of loss. Through her book, weekly podcasts, and one-on-one grief guidance, she helps grieving people find direction, get support, and cultivate radical self-compassion after devastating loss.

Shelby is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Reiki Level II Practitioner, and Intuitive Grief Guide. Her work has been featured on Huffington Post, Bustle, and Optimal Living Daily. She currently lives in Chicago.

• Paperback - https://amzn.to/37b8Q4O
• Ebook - https://amzn.to/2rvXdXg

Listen to my previous conversation with Shelby: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/podcast/episode-98

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

With the deaths of several people in early August 2019 in the events that took place in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio, I reexamine my view on gun gun control and what different wys in which I think we as a society can make a difference when it comes to mass shootings.

Are guns really the problem? Let me know your thoughts

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

With children returning to school, how can we prepare schools to deal with children who've experienced loss over the summer?

I've received some listener feedback from a lady whose husband has died over the summer and their child is returning to school in a few weeks. she'd like to know how best to prepare her child. In my opinion it's best to prepare the environment first.

Here are just a few things that I would do:

1. Contact the school an let them know the situation. You have experienced a loss in the family and your child may exhibit behaviors that are not usually associated with them. Discuss ways engage the child when this happens.
2. Get students\school community involved. This could be a teachable moment for all involved. Students can learn that active grieving comes and goes I don't show "signs of grief" only in the immediate aftermath of the event. This is a perfect time to let the class know exactly how to support their grieving classmate.
3. Let your child know that it's normal to grieve and whoto talk to at school if they need to talk to someone during the school day (teacher, counselor, etc.)

If you have things that have helped you cope, pklease let me know.

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

Today I welcome Alyssa Budinock to the podcast.

Alyssa is a Kripalu yoga instructor, podcast host, and end-of-life doula in training. She lives in Rochester, New York with her fiance and their beloved dog Blue.

Between 2017-2018 she experienced 5 significant losses in her family that ignited her deep curiosity in how people grieve, how they die, and how they live. She's a sucker for beautiful things like little streams, wildflowers, and garbage plates (it's a Rochester thing...).

Today she feels the most alive when she's dancing like crazy, experimenting in the kitchen, walking through cemeteries or having intimate conversations with strangers, loved ones, or herself. Alyssa is dedicated to living from a place of love rather than fear, and discovering more and more of who she is each and every day.

Connect with Alyssa here: https://www.gravedancers.net

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

One of the things I don't say enough is that I don't have any formal training in grief. I am not a therapist, psychologist, or grief counselor. All I have is my many experiences of dealing with loss in my life, beginning with the death of my father.

As I have so often stated, grief gives you an opportunity to learn more about yourself than you ever wanted to know. One must simply put aside their own biased opinion of what life "should" be like and confront the life they currently have. Examine one's self and ask the tough questions about how to move forward in grief.

I have for walked the walk and talked talk... someone recently told me I have grief "street cred". I can only assume that this means I am not someone who simply talks about grief in the third person. I've actually lived through the experiences I talk about on a weekly basis.

I seriously try to look at situations and scenarios that i experience and try to determine the best course of action to take. Do I always pick the best one? No... But I have to consistently evaluate the best we to move through the emotional mine field that grief leaves.

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

This past week I lost a little faith in humanity. Let me explain.

Early in July 2019 a person I served in the army with lost his son suddenly. Unfortunately, after spending so much money trying to keep his son alive, he need money for whatever final arrangements the decided upon for his son. So the reached out to family and friend on Facebook and started a fundraiser.

Well, someone decided that they would set up a fake page and solicit funds from those people who had already donated. A few people donated to this fake page before determining from family members that it wasn't legitimate.

Now the family has to deal with the appropriate companies to resolve the situation as well as try to make arrangements for their son. Donors have to make sure they gave to the right page... it's a mess!

There is a special place for those who prey on people in need. I hope they get caught and are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

This week, I have a conversation with Melissa Lynne.

Melissa's mother died in March 2014 and everything changed in that instant...her priorities, her career, her purpose and passion, her outlook on life and death. She crumbled into a heap under the blankets and shut out the world, where she stayed for almost a year. The thing that brought her back and kept her going was returning to the page, returning to the written word, returning to something that felt like life. The words came through her body and soul and heart and gut and quite literally saved her life. She wrote her way back to a life she needed and wanted to live. She resurfaced with a fearlessness to look grief head on and to feel all of it...the pain, the insanity, the beauty and love, the snotty tears on the shower floor or the shoulder of the kind stranger at the grocery store. She gave herself permission to grieve and trusted herself to feel anything that came. Today, Melissa's grief lives in her body, in that place where love and creativity intersect. Where she blesses and honors it. Where it's fed and watered. Where it's shown darkness and sunshine. Where it is cherished. Where it leads her one day into the next. Melissa is co-founder/curator/editor of Grief Rites Foundation, where she encourages the use of art as agency to survive through grief. Connection and storytelling are how she walks beside others who are feeling the loneliness and isolation of grief. She is a death doula and a grief specialist. She is currently writing a grief memoir. Melissa lives in Portland, Oregon with her 3 children, 2 cats and 1 dog. She thrives in words and water and trees and moss and mist. Instagram: @breatheinbreatheoutlive Instagram: @griefritesfoundation Website: griefritesfoundation.org Facebook: facebook.com/GriefRites

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

The internet makes finding answers to answers to any question you could possibly have very easy to find... just type your question, hit enter and in milliseconds you have more answers than you might ever imagined.

When it comes to grief. looking for answers to questions such as how long will it hurt this much or what can I do to make the pain go away will give you various results that all worked for the people who wrote them. They may not work for you because even though there are similarities in how your loved ones died, everyone's grief story is a little different; maybe the dynamics around the support syste,s you have is completely different. The answers you get for Google and YouTube aren't really answers, but merely suggestions.

A few weeks ago, I spoke with Dr. Sarah Neustadter who is a psychologists who works with clients that are working through their grief and she stated that even in her studies, she didn't really learn much about grief, but did learn things to help people deal with trauma.

You can listen to that conversation here.

You may have to tweak some of the answers that you get see to fit your particular scenario. Some may find that you need to get completely out of your comfort zone and try something you thought you'd never be able to do.

Just remember - you aren't getting answers... you are simply getting suggestions. You have to put in the work and find what works for you.

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200