Dealing With My Grief

I have been AWOL 3 of the last 5 weeks. Putting the finishing touches on getting mom's house cleaned out was a bigger challenge than I thought it would be... and more emotional as well.

I'm exhausted... I'm drained.

I can take solace in the fact that Christmas is around the corner and I can visit homes where some of mom's things now reside. I am grateful for this.

I didn't think that the house would mean so much to me. I'd only "lived" there for 2 years before I went off to discover and challenge life as a young adult.

I'm still processing a few things, but hopefully the roughest part is behind me.

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Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

I realize I have been away from a few weeks... I'll talk about that in next week's episode.

I spent the week before Thanksgiving 2019 finishing up cleaning out my mom's home for it's new tenants. It was an emotional experience to say the least.

You can complete your holiday shopping on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/2OOJOCy

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Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

A few weeks ago, the Washington Nationals celebrated their first World Series Championship by having a parade. While the entire city was happy and festive and celebrating with the team, I was not.

In order to get to the World Series, the Nationals had to beat my home town team, the St. Louis Cardinals... and they beat them in convincing fashion, winning the best of seven series four games to none. They then went on to beat the Houston Astros for the championship.

Suddenly, I thought of one person... Bryce Harper.

Bryce Harper was the face of the Nationals franchise for a number of years. He was a kid phenom who could hit the cover off the ball and was supposed to help the Nationals win the series... except he didn't.

Bryce harper's contract ended last season and instead of re-signing with the Nationals he instead signed with the rival Philadelphia Phillies. When asked how he felt about the Nationals as they progressed throught the playoffs he said he was happy for them.. he came up in the league with the organization and was happy for the guys that welcomed him to the league. But in leaving the team, I think he burned a lot of bridges, at least with the fans of the team.

He can't come home.

As I think about Thanksgiving, I can't go home either. While Bryce can't go home metaphorically, I can't go home physically because the home the my mother lived in will be c\occupied by a new family... not the one I spent 30 something years gathering with relatives in. I have to find someplace to lay my head whenever I go back to St. Louis. Thanksgiving meals have moved on to a different family member's home.

I am, however, like Bryce - happy for my family that remains because they can still come together and celebrate as family and create new traditions... in another family members home.

Check out last weeks episode with the Rays of Hope Children's Grief Centre in Midland TX here: http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com/podcast/episode-185

Visit the Rays of Hope website: https://raysofhopemidland.org/

Please support the organization by gifting them something from their Amazon Wish List: https://smile.amazon.com/hz/charitylist/ls/2Z5M21JXIECHT/ref=smi_ext_lnk_lcl_cl

Learn more about Children's Grief Awareness Month: https://childrengrieve.org/awareness/children-s-grief-awareness

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twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

As the calendar tuns to November, I am reminded that this is National Children's Grief Awareness Month. As such I wanted to call attention to an organization that is helping children deal with grief. This is extremely important to me as I lost my father when I was 10.

Rays of Hope Children's Grief Centre is one of the only of its kind in the nation. It is a safe, neutral place for adolescents to do the work of grief. Children who have experienced loss due to death, separation, divorce, incarceration, deployment, or foster care are encouraged to participate. Through facilitated peer support groups, children share experiences, use creative arts as tools of expression, and acquire coping skills to work through the tough issues that accompany grief. Services are offered at no charge. Registration for programs and camps is required.

The Rays of Hope staff and its trained volunteers facilitate the peer support groups, camps, and other programming. All of our offerings are facilitated by compassionate adults who guide, listen and support the children as they express their feelings, fears, and confusion as they begin the healing process.

This week I welcome:

Jessi Morgan, LMSW—Director at Rays of Hope Children's Grief Centre in Midland, TX

and

Jennifer Bilbrey---Mother of 3 from Midland, TX. She is a mother to a 13, an 11 year old and her oldest daughter, Kali, who passed away at 15.

It is great to have a wonderful conversation with those who are helping other deal with the trauma of grief and those who are willing to be vulnerable and share their stories with others.

Visit the Rays of Hope website: https://raysofhopemidland.org/

Please support the organization by gifting them something from their Amazon Wish List: https://smile.amazon.com/hz/charitylist/ls/2Z5M21JXIECHT/ref=smi_ext_lnk_lcl_cl

Learn more about Children's Grief Awareness Month: https://childrengrieve.org/awareness/children-s-grief-awareness

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

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Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

As I prepare for an annual photography gig I have in the next few weeks I am reminded of just how similar putting the pieces back together after losing someone is just like putting together a photo shoot.

The event I'm photographing is an annual event I've done for 4 or 5 years now and even though it's different each year, there are certain elements that stay the same. The program is the same, put the speakers as well as the attendees are different.

In grief there is sadness whenever someone dies, but the hurt is different because the relationship with each person who passes is different.

Even if I try to mirror the same environment for photo sessions that I'd like to be the same, there are still subtle differences based on weather, location and other factors.

Regardless of the situation, however, I'm constantly making adjustments to get the best pictures possible.

In life as you try to get back to some sense of putting the pieces back together, how do you adjust to situations that have you spiraling out of control?

Support the podcast by shopping on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/?tag=dealingwit066-20&linkCode=ez

Also the first episode of Grief Cafe, my collaboration with the Grief Dreams podcasts hosts Dr. Joshua Blacek and Shawn Ram is available.

You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

I have been asked how I try to move forward as quickly after a loss.

I have learned ho to compartmentalize things in my life. to put things into categories and not let them interact with other. But in theis episode of the podcast I come face to face with the fact that doesn't always work.

Announcement: I have a new podcast coming out with the hosts of the Grief Dreams podcast call Grief Cafe where we will discuss grief related topics.

You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])

Sometimes when we lose a friend we are driven to write a song about them.

Rachel Leycroft began piano lessons at seven years old and found her voice through songwriting at thirteen. Her lyrics became her diary for expression and healing, rarely shared with anyone outside of her notebook pages & piano keys.

Sixteen years later, upon the sudden death of a dear friend, she felt the undeniable need to bring a song to life in the recording studio for the first time. "Warrior" was written the day after her friend's passing and she recorded the track as a gift to his daughter. The song honors his life and touches on universal feelings of grief. The experience sparked her desire to advocate for other areas of mental health through songwriting and gave her the most fitting reason to finally share her songs with the world.

Despite the serious messages her lyrics often convey, she focuses her production style on creating an enchanting and bright experience for the listener. Her heart resides in the airwaves between organic acoustics, pop and EDM.

The driving force behind Rachel's music is her desire to evoke compassion toward ourselves and one another by sharing vulnerable experiences with the hope of encouraging connection and authenticity. she started a project called #lovethroughlyrics where she shares her lyrics along with the knowledge that has helped her through the darkest times. She hopes to accentuate the commonality of the human experiences we all share, both painful and beautiful, regardless of who we are, where we're from, or which lens we see the world through. Her greatest wish is that the stories told within her songs provide hope and a source of connection for those who listen.

Rachel is an advocate for mental health & dedicates time to supporting those who are struggling.

Listen to "Warrior" (Original or Acoustic) on any music platform: https://fanlink.to/rachelleycroft_warrior Instagram (@rachelleycroft): https://www.instagram.com/rachelleycroft/

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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I have mentioned that I am also a photographer who mostly takes pictures of jazz musicians. One of the questions I am often asked is whether or not I play and instrument mysels. I simply say no.

This is not entirely true...

When I as in 5th grade, about 7 months before my dad died, he bought me a guitar and would take lessons after school. I continued to take lessons after he died until I entered hight school. Girls and cars were my new obsession.

A few years ago I came across my old guitar at my mon's hous and it brought back memories, and I decided I wanted to play again. This old guitar was in bas shape so I decided to buy a new one and get back into teaching myself how to play... but it was hard... there were so many memoires that I've found it hard to get back into it.

I've decided that this is something that I must do, because I enjoyed it too much. I just need to set aside time go get it done.

Question: What is someting you used to do that you want to get back into doing?

Announcement: I have a new podcast coming out with the hosts of the Grief Dreams podcast call Grief Cafe where we will discuss grief related topics.

You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

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Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

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"I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that remains."

–Anne Frank

This week marks the one year anniversary of my mothers death and as I have tried to figure out what I'm going to do on October 2 I am reminded of a question that comes up often in grief forums I belong to:

How do you mark the time since your loved one's passing?

For me, I don't... I can't - not if making the time means counting the days or the months since the day of their passing. That to me means that I have to actively think about and look forward to the next day or month and that never gives me time to move forward in my process. It makes me feel like I'k stuck in quicksand and the harder I fight to move forward, the more I get sucked in. I try to live life and just let the moments of grief happen, and deal with them as they come.

I will concede l, however, that I do remember the yearly anniversary of their death. That to me is like an internal clock that is a reminder leading up to the events of their death. A reminder that I've been able to deal with and hopefully grow just a little from the experience of having lost them.

I let grief come naturally with and try to process my emotions and just let the moment pass and do wht I think is appropriate. That could be a good cry or talking to others. Buty I can't intentionally go through the daily/monthly reminder of its been this many days or that many months.

My interview with mom: Episode 95 My reaction to mom's passing: Episode 129

Do you mark time after someone passes? If so, how?

Announcement: I have a new podcast coming out with the hosts of the Grief Dreams podcast call Grief Cafe where we will discuss grief related topics.

You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
• Click here to subscribe on Android
• Click here to subscribe via RSS
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Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

What happens when a widow establishes a relationship with the hospice social worker responsible for making her husband as comfortable as during his final days? They create a game designed to allow people to have tough conversations around death and dying, course!

LORI LoCICERO Lori LoCicero is a freelance writer and the co-creator of The Death Deck. A creative storyteller and eternal optimist, Lori combines her personal stories of loss with her innate sense of humor to write about life and talk about death. She has written and directed independent films, documentaries, and a variety of live gala events. Her upcoming memoir offers readers an intimate look at loss and her discovery of posttraumatic growth and was the catalyst for the creation of The Death Deck: a lively and humorous card game that inspires meaningful conversations on what matters most in our lives and in our deaths.

LISA PAHL, LCSW Lisa Pahl is a Hospice Social Worker, ER Crisis Interventionist, and co-creator ofThe Death Deck. Lisa's goal is to help people cope with illness, dying, and grief. With a passionate belief that peace at the end begins with meaningful conversations over time, she engages people in talking about and preparing for this difficult stage of life. Embracing a challenging but equally rewarding career as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in both the trenches of ER and within her true passion working in hospice, Lisa has witnessed hundreds of deaths which have taught her innumerable lessons about truly appreciating life.

SOCIAL MEDIA INFO Instagram & Twitter: @thedeathdeck Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thedeathdeck/ Website: www.thedeathdeck.com Email: [email protected]

Buy a deck on Amazon:https://amzn.to/2RzsmmG

Announcement: I have a new podcast coming out with the hosts of the Grief Dreams podcast call Grief Cafe where we will discuss grief related topics.

You can find it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/grief-cafe/id1479286093

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

• Click here to subscribe via Apple Podcasts
• Click here to subscribe on Android
• Click here to subscribe via RSS
• Click here to subscribe on Spotify

Contact me using any of following: email - [email protected]

twitter - http://www.twitter.com/dealwithgrief

web - http://www.dealingwithmygrief.com

voice/message - (240) 778-5200

Facebook - https://facebook.com/groups/dealingwithmygrief

Instagram - https://instagram.com/dealingwithmygrief

Music provided by Oren Levine ([email protected])