Dear Pod,

Somedays you have to look back and visit and ol' favorite. I'm not sure if these people can be considered favorites. They're my OBNOXIOUS NEIGHBORS. Wait...What? You say you can't hear me. I'm practically shouting at you but it's so hard to hear with my next-door neighbor blasting his music while his three dogs are outside barking at nothing. I SAID THEY'RE BARKING AT............oh, just forget it.

Time to celebrate, cause this happens once a year. Yes, it's time to change the batteries in the smoke detectors and it's time to celebrate a BIRTHDAY. That's right. Every year that relative of your demands more attention on their special day and we are forced to bow at the alter of their fabulouslessness. So, light the candles, start the song and pray you got that thing for them in the right size.

It's that time of the year where we come together to GIVE THANKS to family, friends, family who owes you money, friends who owe you money, and the dog-walker. Find your seat at the table, fill your wine glass, bow your head and say grace. Now pass me a big helping of DEAR POD. Deeee-licious!

What say we clear the palate at the beginning of this holiday season and serve you up a nice GRAB BAG episode? No? Well then, you will be the only one on your block who doesn't know the real story behind a wife's husband and his real sexual preference. I bet you can't tell how that story will end. Plus, we have booze.

I'm sorry, Doctor. Can you please repeat your diagnosis? The second you said the word "penis" my wife burst out into a fit of LAUGHTER. Yes. Today we are going to point and laugh at all things funny or what we think deserves a good chuckle. For instance: A Priest, a Buddhist, and a Rabbi walk into a bar. It's not funny yet but mayhem is just around the corner!

I'm sorry I'm so emotional today. Whenever I hear that there is a new episode of DEAR POD, I just start CRYING. Get out your Kleenex because this week we are going to make you weep so hard that you will be forced by the congregation to listen to the episode in that special room where we haul kids who scream during church.

Wow. There is no middle of the road answer for this one. You either love them or hate them. It doesn't matter. Because whether you like it or not, we are going to talk about CLOWNS. That's right. They exist in your classroom, at your place of work, even underneath your bed. So, put on your oversized shoes and grab a rubber chicken because you are going to laugh or cry your way through this episode.

It's that time of the year when we get out the cleaning supplies and extra trash bags and see how many SKELETONS we can remove from our closets. Was your Dad married once before and never told you? Or maybe you're about to join AARP but have your young lover convinced that you recently graduated college? No judgements here. But we will look. at you from across the room with that look that says, "You know that I know and you owe me one."

Let me fluff up that pillow for you cause you're going to be laying in that COFFIN for a long time. Which one are you going to get? The one with the glass top or the racing stripe? After you listen to this episode, just like Patrick, the wood-chipper option is looking better and better.

Break out your telescopes! This week we are looking up. Nope, not at those sneakers dangling from the telephone wire but a bit higher. To the stars, Baby! It's all about ASTROLOGY. What's your sign, good lookin'? I'm a Herpes. And, I would love to see my moon in Uranus. So, can I buy you a Specialty Cocktail?