Dear Pod,

Let's take a moment to be respectful. Now, bow your heads and curtsey because the ROYALS have just entered the building. If we play our cards right, by the end of this episode we shall be known as Dame Erin, Lady Patrick & Lord Jules coming to you live from the Maha'a Tiki Lounge in the beautiful Pineapple Castle. Grab your corgis and put on your crowns as we step on the balcony and greet the new episode.

It's Thursday and you know what that means? Salisbury Steak Day. Oh yeah. That and a GRAB BAG. Can you make a decent cup of coffee? Is your husband a Smarty Pants and you feel like a Dumb Dora? Well, it's time to click PLAY and listen to us jibber-jabber and solve the problems of the world. It should only take an hour.

School has started and Andrew is at it again. He has his nose so far up our teacher's butt. He is the ultimate TEACHER'S PET. Yes. as much as we wanted to highlite the goody-two-shoes that became personal assistants to our grammar school teachers, watch how fast this topic can take a hard, left turn. Now, before we begin, will you be a doll and go outside and clap those erasers clean so we can start the show?

Hey, what did you bring for LUNCH? Can I trade you this delicious cucumber and sprouts for your PB&J? Or, should we just walk over to your house for our lunch hour and have your Mom make us something? Hope you brought your appetites for this week's brown bag of mystery meat.

Are you still in bed??? You're going to be late for SCHOOL. Yup, it's that time again. Time to put on your new Thom Mcan's, get on the bus all blurry-eyed and start figuring out what is going to be a good trade at lunch for that Pimento sandwich your father packed for you. There's the first bell. Let's start the show!

You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mother! You're my STEPMOTHER. They have gotten a bad wrap in movies for decades. How will they fare on a weekly comedy advice podcast? Only one way to find out. Ask friend to listen to the episode then explain it to you. Problem solved.

Have you guys ever met my STEPDAD? He's alright. Smells a little bit like pickles but he makes my Mom happy. I saw a dirty movie the other day where a stepdad made is wife happy, his stepdaughter elated and his stepson confused. Movies are powerful. They make you think.

OK. Once and for all. Can someone please answer this question I have when boarding an AIRPLANE? If the person in front of me weighs 400 pounds, why I am paying extra for my luggage when it's only three pounds over weight? I'll never understand.

SAFETY PROCEDURE: If this episode of DEAR POD hits turbulence, you will find a floating device under your seat and mini bottles of booze will fall from above. NOW BOARDING!

Do me a favor. I've been on hold with EZPass for the last forty-five minutes. Can you GRAB that BAG for me? I think I've got some old crowns for my teeth in there and a TV set that I stole from my grandparents. Intrigued yet. Well, grab a cocktail and get comfortable.

This week we offer a necessity in each and everyone's life on this planet. TOILETS & TOILET PAPER. That's right. Not since the Summit talks of our great leaders has there been a topic more vital, important & flushable. Now stand or sit. It's your choice. Just remember to wipe back to front while listening. It's more sanitary that way.