Deeper Sex - A podcast about deeper connections and incredible sex

We were taught that catching feelings for others was a bad idea.

We have been doing the exact opposite, and our relationship only got stronger – not to mention the incredible sex between us...

Today we talk about Love and how you can experience its deepest and purest form – whether you’re monogamous or not.

We discuss:

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CHAPTERS:

02:42 Rule n. 1: Don't catch feelings - true or false?

04:02 Fucking, making love, and why you want both

07:30 You can have love without a relationship (and a relationship without love)

08:39 You're never in love with the person per se

12:33 Stop trying to convince them to have more sex

13:29 10 prompts for deeper conversations with your partner

18:43 Every test you pass takes one fear off the list

22:12 Why chasing women makes them run away - and what you should do instead

29:25 You can love someone and still go months without speaking

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You might also like - related to this topic:

FREE GUIDE: 10 Prompts For Deeper Conversations With Your Partner - Get your copy

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Chiara Hardie is an intimacy coach who shows you how to stop giving a damn about what anyone thinks. She helps you find the confidence and freedom to express what you've never dared say — be it sex, taboos, or your relationship.

“Feeling safe” is what makes great sex possible: your nervous system needs to feel completely at ease to really let go — but when your intimate encounter gets too safe, too planned, too nice, it’s no longer sexy. No matter if you’re man or woman.

So how can you feel safe enough / provide the necessary “nervous system safety” to get sexy and maybe even a little kinky, without becoming boring? That's what this episode is about.

We discuss:

If there's something you've been wanting to try, or say, and you haven't felt safe enough to go there yet, this is what you want to listen to today.

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CHAPTERS:

01:30 Why men need to feel safe too

02:43 How to ask for something that you want, and be ok with a NO

03:12 How to have deeper conversations with your partner

03:41 What to do when energies don't exactly match

06:46 Why is the sense of safety so important

07:56 Safe enough or too safe?

10:19 Why decisiveness is sexy

13:15 How to regulate the nervous system – bedroom edit

14:17 The more they feel seen, the safer they feel

16:49 Safety starts with yourself

18:14 Secret Fantasies Live Workshop

19:43 Curiosity is what gets you laid

22:48 "Would you like to...?" vs. "Can I...?"

28:49 How to "actively listen"

31:01 How to touch “with quality”

33:52 How to re-establish safety in long-term relationships – and get that New Relationship Energy back

36:49 What if I'm afraid of being rejected?

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You might also like - related to this topic:

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Chiara Hardie is an intimacy coach who shows you how to stop giving a damn what anyone thinks. She helps you find the confidence and freedom to express what you've never dared say — be it sex, taboos, or your relationships.

Meet your mother's worst enemy at her next LIVE online workshop: Reserve your FREE seat

📩 FREE GUIDE: How to talk about sex with your partner — download our 10 prompts

If anyone has ever said that to you "You should not be wanting so much sex" - related to how often you want it, a fantasy, or a desire that turned up uninvited — this one is for you.

We go straight to the point today: shame is the cause of almost every problem in a relationship.

We discuss:

If you’ve ever found yourself fighting with your partner about how much sex you’re (not) having – listen to this and go back to that conversation.

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TIMESTAMPS

02:01 What is shame?

04:44 Shame is learned

07:09 What are you ashamed of?

10:46 Body image shame

12:40 Intimacy: the relationship with yourself, before anybody else

15:50 Stop giving a fuck and it will affect others

16:42 What happens on the other side of shame

18:15 Shame as an identity

19:17 Shame for kinks and fantasies

22:28 Trust your desires

24:58 Shame of craving intimacy with a partner

26:42 Ban the phrase "you should not want this" and you'll have a happier relationship

28:32 How knowing your values improves and deepens your relationship

29:43 Shame is a mechanism of control. Control comes from fear

For more info, visit deeperlovers.com

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Curious about this topic? Don't miss these other episodes:

» E4 | Don't Like The Way You Look? Reframing Body Shame Leads To Deeper Intimacy – Listen on Apple or Spotify

» E23 | What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

» E24 | Why Suppressing Your Sexuality Is Counter Productive And How You Can Live Out Your Fantasies – Listen on Apple or Spotify

» E26 | Open Or Monogamous Relationship? Neither Lasts Without These 3 Pillars — With Eva Di Pierro – Listen on Apple or Spotify

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JOIN CHIARA'S NEXT LIVE WORKSHOP: "How To Share Your Secret Fantasies"

Reserve your seat

⚡️ FREE LIVE WORKSHOP: "How To Share Your Secret Fantasies" — join Chiara live. Reserve your seat ⚡️

Today we are joined by Eva Di Pierro - a somatic practitioner and bodyworker who's spent over 15 years guiding individuals, couples and leaders into deeper connection and presence — we trained under her years ago and have been working with her since.

Will and I built our relationship on being open. Eva built hers on staying monogamous. We sat down to find out what actually makes a relationship work — and it turns out the model has almost nothing to do with it.

In this episode we explore:

For more info, visit deeperlovers.com

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TIME STAMPS

03:52 What is a Sacred Relationship

05:11 Transactional Sex vs. Sacred Love

06:29 Why idolising your partner doesn't serve you (nor them)

12:17 What is Devotion

14:58 What happens when only one partner wants to grow

19:30 Faith and Trust as "Devotion"

21:33 How past fears impact your present relationship (or lack thereof)

24:38 Pillar 1: Intimacy

25:07 Pillar 2: Polarity

25:28 Pillar 3: Devotion

27:13 Sacrifice = Giving up something for Something Sacred

28:28 Being Worshipped to Know We Are Enough

31:53 Shallow vs. Deep Relationship Choices

33:27 Are you choosing from Love or from Fear?

34:28 Your Open Relationship Will Fail Without Clear Agreements

36:39 Deep Intimacy is THE most craved fantasy

38:24 Practical ritual tip for the highest form of intimacy

41:55 Touch more, Talk less

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If you enjoyed this episode, don't miss:

» E16 | How To Restore Masculine/Feminine Polarity To Bring The Passion Back When Your Relationship Gets Meh – Listen on Apple or Listen on Spotify

» E23 | What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Listen on Spotify

» E25 | Partners Variety Fantasy But In A Monogamous Relationship? Here's How You Can Have Both – Listen on Apple or Listen on Spotify

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JOIN CHIARA'S NEXT LIVE WORKSHOP: "How To Share Your Secret Fantasies" - Reserve your seat here

Book your free spot: Chiara’s Live Online Workshop “How To Share Your Secret Fantasies” – limited seats available

Most people fantasise about being with someone other than their partner. That’s normal. The question is what you do with it.

In this episode, we get into one of the most common — and least talked-about — sexual fantasies: desiring variety in sexual partners.

We cover what ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy) looks like in practice – with all its various flavours - and how monogamous couples can safely explore this territory without anyone doing anything with anybody else. This is one of the many things that become possible when you learn to share fantasies with each other.

We also end up in a surprisingly good conversation about "having a type" — where it comes from, why biology explains far less of it than you'd expect, and what you might be missing out on if you keep yourself constrained to a rigid checklist of qualities to tick off.

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TIME STAMPS

00:00 E25 Non-monogamy fantasy - having variety

01:25 Partners variety (ENM) is amongst the most common sexual fantasies

03:59 ENM structures: dating separately

04:32 ENM structures: dating together as a couple >> shared experience

05:08 ENM structures: polyamory

05:19 Fantasies as a tool to explore ENM for monogamous couples

07:15 How To Share Your Secret Fantasies - live workshop

08:32 Why variety is important

09:24 Is "having a type" blocking or expanding your relationship potential?

12:16 Why do we have "a type"?

15:31 Become aware of your own conditioning to access a wider dating pool

18:57 Awareness is key

25:20 Listen to your dreams

For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com

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Curious about better expressing and making your sexual fantasies happen? Don’t miss these episodes:

>> E19 | Threesome fantasy? How to talk to your partner about it (and make it happen) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E22 | How to share secret sexual desires and why we're turned on by taboos – Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E23 What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E24 Why Suppressing Your Fantasies Is Counter Productive – Listen on Apple or Spotify

⚡️Join us live: Free Online Workshop “How To Share Your Secret Fantasies” - Limited spots available⚡️

What if the fantasy you've been hiding is the exact thing your relationship needs?

Most of us treat our desires like secrets — something to protect our partner from.

Today we are joined by Paris, a longtime tantric practitioner and facilitator who went from completely frigid to living out every fantasy she's ever had. She is one of Will and Chiara's main teachers.

In this episode we discuss:

🩶 why suppressing your fantasies makes them more obsessive, not less

🩶 how jealousy can turn into compersion (the opposite feeling to jealousy) — and what it takes to get there

🩶 the orgasm myths that's keeping millions of men and women from the best sex of their lives

🩶 tantric practices to expand genitals sensitivity and presence

🩶 how you transform your relationship when you start sharing out loud your desires

🩶 why men exploring their feminine side might be the sexiest thing you've ever witnessed (and how to get started)

🩶 the 21-day challenge that rewires how your body experiences pleasure

Sharing and going after your desires doesn't damage a relationship. It deepens it. Listen to this incredible episode to know how.

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TIME STAMPS

02:57 It's Time To Normalise Fantasies

03:42 Free Fantasies Live Workshop Invitation

04:41 Do You Know Where The Man's G-spot is?

05:47 Why It's Important To Live Out Your Fantasies

07:50 Serving vs. Taking

09:10 We Are Wired To Be Attracted To Others!

10:29 Jealousy vs. Compersion

11:05 Deal With Your Childhood Issues First!

11:57 Jealousy Is About YOU, Not Them

12:20 Jealousy Is Often FOMO

14:24 Try This   Biohack For Porn Addiction

16:53 How To Stop Your Sexual Obsessions

18:11 Why Suppressing Your Sexuality Is Counter Productive

20:24 Find A Tantric Community Near You...

21:26 ...Or Get Really Good At Communicating

24:28 Let's Normalise Sexual Language

25:26 Embrace The Slut Within You (for men and women)

26:54 How To Experience More Pleasure ( Debunking Orgasm Myths)

29:07 How To Improve Your Sex Life

34:17 The 21 Day Challenge

35:06 The Allowing vs. Forcing Principle

37:51 Exploring Fantasies As A Doorway To Deeper Connection And Trust

44:47 Bi-curiosity And Shame

46:46 Threesomes As Doorways To Brotherhood

48:29 Our Top Tips For Today

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For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com

Paris & The New Tantra school: https://thenewtantra.com/

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More episodes on the same topic:

>> E17 | How to get 10-minute long orgasms (for both men and women) - Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E19 | Threesome fantasy? How to talk to your partner about it (and make it happen) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E22 | How to share secret sexual desires and why we're turned on by taboos – Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E23 What's Really Cockblocking Your Wildest Fantasies (And How To Stop That) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

What’s the thing that scares the shit out of most couples? Being seen for who they really are. And in sex? Sharing their fantasies.

What’s the one thing that sits underneath every fantasy, every risk, and every deeply connected relationship? It’s TRUST.

Most of us simply don't trust what will happen when we share ourselves completely.

So, today’s episode is all about helping you doing exactly that. We cover:

The best relationships are not built on playing safe. They’re built on the kind of trust that lets two people tell the truth, stay close, explore, and grow together.

If you've been sitting on a sexy fantasy for a while but haven't found the way in yet, this episode is the conversation you need to hear – make it a date night to listen to it with your partner!

For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com

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TIME STAMPS

02:00 Free Fantasy Live Workshop Invitation

02:23 You Don't Know What You Don't Know

06:29 Challenging Times In A Relationship Don't Have To Be The End Of It

07:46 Trust Is What Changes Everything

10:01 What Are You Scared Of?

11:40 What Are They Going To Think?

13:08 How Chiara Felt Safe To Talk About Her Threesome Fantasy

14:42 The Secret Fantasies Workshop You Don't Want To Miss

15:19 How Do You Create Safety?

16:50 Is This A Relationship Worth Saving?

17:54 How To Know If You Should Turn Your Fantasy Into Reality

18:59 "I want to convince my partner to..."

22:09 Your Answer: Nervous System + Play

24:59 How To Find Your Voice

26:01 What Sops You From Sharing Fantasies

28:15 The Leap Of Faith To Trust

30:04 Ask Yourself This Question

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More content about Sexual Fantasies:

>> E6 | There’s No Shame In “Dirty” Fantasies: How Speaking Them Out Loud Transforms Taboos into Passion – Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E19 | Threesome fantasy? How to talk to your partner about it (and make it happen) – Listen on Apple or Spotify

>> E22 | How to share secret sexual desires and why we're turned on by taboos – Listen on Apple or Spotify

JOIN CHIARA'S NEXT LIVE WORKSHOP: "How to share your secret fantasies and upgrade your sex life"

Save your spot at https://chiarahardie.com/secret-fantasies-workshop-signup

>> FREE LIVE WORKSHOP: "Finally Share your Secret Fantasies without Shame or Fear" << REGISTER HERE

Most of us were raised to believe that sexual fantasies are shameful - or just plain wrong. But what if those forbidden desires weren’t signs that something’s broken?

In this episode, we get to the bottom of why so many people are turned on by taboos, what that says about our emotional wiring, and we share practical strategies to discuss fantasies with your partner in a way that builds trust, safety and - more importantly - turns them on, rather than scares them off.

We also openly share some of own fantasies and struggles with taboos, as well as real-life stories from our clients, from threesomes and being dominated, to consensual non-consent, emphasising the significance of curiosity and trust in deepening sexual and emotional connections.

If there’s something you’ve secretly desired but never dared to say out loud, today’s episode is your “how to” permission slip to get curious and start that super-hot conversation that you’ve always wanted to have.

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TIME STAMPS

04:55 Your fantasies are actually normal

06:45 Why do we avoid talking about taboos?

13:58 Stay curious

17:03 Should I "request" or "propose" a kinky fantasy?

23:34 How to suggest a fantasy to your partner

24:39 Domination fantasy

27:16 Masculine and Feminine in all of us

30:03 Slutty and proud

31:36 Consensual non-consent fantasy

33:29 Rape play fantasy

36:26 Sex in public fantasy

36:58 Threesome fantasy

37:22 Dirty talking fantasy

38:34 10 prompts for deeper conversations

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Free resources + next steps for your sexual healing journey:

>> Download the free guide:

“10 phrases to start deeper conversations with your partner”

Listen to E16 on masculine/feminine polarity in relationships: on Apple or Spotify

Listen to E19 on threesome fantasies: on Apple or Spotify

For more info, visit www.deeperlovers.com

Most people think the key to better sex and exciting relationships is learning the right moves or finding "The One".

In an interview with one of our teachers, Will and I talk about why the patterns that hold you back in bed are the same ones that limit you in life. Why lack of intimacy isn’t about the other person, the sex positions, or your performance. And why feeling stuck, unseen, or frustrated in your relationship often has deeper roots that go far beyond your partner’s behaviour.

Puja Lepp is an internationally sought after psychotherapist, retreat leader, and teacher. For over 30 years she has been supporting people through deep emotional healing and transformation. She is the founder of the Primal Childhood Deconditioning retreat, a seven-day immersive process designed to help participants access and release unprocessed emotions, break free from old survival patterns, and reconnect with their authentic selves.

In this episode she shares the powerful truth we’ve seen again and again in our own journey and with our clients: you can’t separate your relationship struggles from your personal healing. But when you start doing the work on yourself—when you drop the mask and learn to show up fully—that’s when everything begins to change.

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TIME STAMPS

04:03 How Inner Work And Sexual Healing Are Deeply Connected

08:32 Is This Type Of Work For You? The Impact on Romantic Relationships

12:26 Is "working on yourself" really harder than "pretending" and wearing masks of perfection?

13:27 We All Fear Not Being Loved

16:13 We can't Force Our Partner To Do The Work

19:07 Why Feeling Safe Is Key For a Successful Relationship

19:42 How To Help Your Parter Feel Safe With You

22:38 "Doing The Work" Has a Domino Effect On Your Life as A Whole

23:46 Healing As a Lifestyle

24:12 Start By Changing 1% a Day

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Resources and next steps for your relationship healing journey:

>> FREE DOWNLOAD: “10 phrases to start deeper conversations with your partner”

Join Chiara's next live workshop "Finally share your secret fantasies without shame or fear"

>> Register for Chiara's next LIVE WORKSHOP for free: "Finally Share your Secret Fantasies without Shame or Fear"

To celebrate our podcast 1st anniversary, we address our clients’ most common questions in a live Q&A - from jealousy to sexual dynamics and open relationships.

Partner communication, establishing trust, and addressing underlying issues in a relationship are some of the things we are experts on, and our goal is to provide you with practical tips that will enhance your romantic connections.

If you feel even a little curious but shy, this is the episode for you.

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TIME STAMPS

01:38 Q1. My Partner Does Not Want To Have Sex: Should We Open The Relationship?

02:48 The Risks of Opening a Relationship

06:09 Work On Your Own Relationship First

07:49 Q2. How Do I Know If My Partner Is Into Kinks?

11:09 Q3. I am So Jealous! How Do I deal With Jealousy?

18:48 Embracing Jealousy Can Keep You Safe

19:51 Your Body Has All The Answers

21:53 Q4. Am I Bi-Curious?

25:46 Q5. How Can A Man Stay Confident During Sex When Another Man Is In The Room?

29:23 It's All About Boundaries

29:59 Sexual Conditioning: What Is (Not) Doing For You?

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YOUR GOODIES:

>> FREE DOWNLOAD: “10 phrases to start deeper conversations with your partner”

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Deeper Lovers on the web: www.deeperlovers.com