Our intrepid hosts finish this best-selling book! Before we dive into the action, we undertake a wide ranging investigation into Corran Horn's height, and whether or not he qualifies not only as Best Boy, but also Short King. Then it's back to Black(moon), baby, for a rollercoaster of emotion as Wedge does what Wedge does best and Corran hides in a cave contemplating his rapidly approaching death. Luckily, Mirax and Tycho swoop in for a last minute rescue/shoot out/bake off/prank on Wedge. And we learn the secret of Emtrey's scrounge capabilities thanks to a well researched Han Mail. Small spoiler for the next X-Wing book, which we'll likely return to in the future. It's been a fun ride!

How come they always read like fan fic except in the ways you want them to?! These chapters are full of horniness and a big ol' flirt triangle...but have absolutely no making out whatsoever for incredibly convoluted reasons we just can't parse. Wedge (aka "Veggie") leads most of the gang back to Blackmoon (except for Erisi who is pining for Corran and Ooryl who is pining for an arm). Mirax uncovers Emtrey's wildly complicated insider trading scheme involving Alderaanian pork bellies and super hot super baddie Ysanne Isard forces Kirtan Loor into the worst workplace punishment imaginable: a group project.

We could call this Ch. 26-30 of Rogue Squadron but it's maybe more accurate to say we're diving in to How To Blow Up A Pipeline by Horton Salm? Rogue Squadron et al. get their shit rocked at Blackmoon thanks to Bothan overconfidence. Corran dreams of making out with Erisi in a Windows '95 desktop image. Just as he's on his way to getting well and truly drunk with a new commando friend, Emtrey and Whistler team up in a rare double scrounge that could change the fate of the New Republic. Kirtan Loor gets dusty. Wedge does his best as a matchmaker. Plus, we annouce our next book (picked in an authentically New Republic fashion that's democratic if you squint really, really hard)!

Corran Horn pulls off a bonkers maneuver that saves the whole Squadron — and also gets him accused of Lite Treason (TM) / confined to his quarters. The rest of the crew feels sorry for him, but not so sorry that they refrain from either making out with each other in said quarters...or trying to make out with him due to battle victory horniness. Mirax is the only person who knows that the way to a true Corellian Man's heart is through cake. (Also: is Corellia called "COREllia" because it's in the Core? Because if so.......don't tell me, it'll just make me mad.)

Buckle up as our hosts follow Rogue Squadron into combat once more! First, there's some very fancy flying, followed by much unfancy drinking out of what one can only assume are space Solo cups (is Han Solo secret heir to a cup fortune? Is this where the $ for his teen swoop racing career came from?). The drinking leads to some extremely complex emotional math over who is the squad's Best Boy and who is Chump of the Week. But all Best Boy math is on the back burner as Kirtan Loor pinpoints the location of the Rogues' base with his own math based investigation. Corran and Ooryl race to prevent a late night massacre. And Admiral Ackbar once again begs his officers to take a nap.

Our intrepid hosts survive their first space battle alongside Corran Horn (with heavy assist from patrons who explained how gravity actually works). Wedge engages in a battle of bureaucracy and gets his ass handed to him. We learn more about Ysanne "Iceheart" Isard's background and her mysterious ability to be both middle aged and attractive AT THE SAME TIME. And speaking of attractive women, Corran struggles with the paradox that a certain smuggler can be a criminal and also a tall drink of water. Also also (through the law of plot devices, subsection "Corellia," paragraph "everyone in this galaxy knows each other"), they can be his CO's childhood bff. Emtrey finally lets loose. And New Republic procurement stands firm in the face of at least one X-wing pilot who uses government maintenance to repair their privately owned spacecraft.

Okay so you know how we've talked before about the lack of sex in Star Wars...well, that doesn't mean that there's a total lack of intimacy, as evidenced by Wedge Antilles' VERY HOT, VERY PUBLIC relationship with his X-Wing. A lot of stuff happens in these chapters (solid legal counsel, team bonding, Han Solo hot goss, a terrifying journey through the Coruscant atmosphere...). But nothing etches itself in the brain like Wedge stroking the cockpit of his spaceship and making sure that everyone can see him do it.

WEDGE WATCH!

By super popular demand, it's time to embark on our epic one-book* foray into the X-Wing Series with Rogue Squadron by Michael A. Stackpole. Right away, we've got a simulated space battle (because of course), some highly questionable military decision-making (slash: war crimes), and a bad guy who fancies himself a taller, hotter Grand Moff Tarkin (impossible). Much like that "Gimble" Darklighter kid, or whatever his name is, the book already has heart. (Unlike Gimble, this book is old enough to rent a car.)

PLUS: check us out on the TrekWars pod where we join their crew in debating which is better: "We Don't Do Weddings" from Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina or "Bar Association" from Deep Space 9.

*for now!

Coming at you with a quick palate cleanser between Shadows of the Empire and Rogue Squadron — and a kind of literal one, too, since one of these stories involves the madcap adventures of Jabba's classically-trained chef as he tries to clear his name in the wake of a slew of murders-by-beignet. We've also got a story from a Canadian-American husband and wife writing team that maybe delves a little too greedily and too deep into the question of whether droids can feel pain. And yes, of course, we got that Mara Jade — who maybe should've spent more time scheming and less time rehearsing for her dance audition.

In the final chapters of this saga, a book that started off at a jewelry-making retreat before taking a hard left into sexual assault finally resolves in full-out slapstick comedy. Our heroes trek through a sewer and douse themselves in literal shit. Chewie, bless his heart, goes sprawling in the middle of an ambush following a Looney Tunes-style slip n' slide. And best of all: everyone's favorite droid odd couple pilot the f**king Millennium Falcon. Is this a massive cover-up for the fact that the gang essentially pulls off a Coruscant-based 9/11? (Yes.) Meanwhile, Darth Vader has the kind of phenomenal day that comes around once a century: where your one-liners land every time and your boss finally recognizes all that overtime you've been putting in.

Now....who could use a strong dose of Mara Jade?