Leia decides it's time get up off the couch. Seti Ashgad gets a horrifying makeover. Dyzym's whole deal is revealed and it's NOT COOL. Luke gets a late night Force call and heads into the desert. Threepio gets a wig and gets creative but refuses to get impolite. Han and Lando continue to breathe somewhere in the galaxy. Callista shows up, mostly to roast Luke. And we find out that no matter where you are in the galaxy everything evolves back to CRABS eventually.

Sure, a lot of plot-related things happen in these chapters and all of our main characters seem to have new careers — Luke's a mechanic, Leia's an expert locksmith, and Han is a space EMT. But let's be real. THE MOST important thing to focus on is: what should Threepio and R2 call their family band?!

Goldenrod and the Twerp?
NSFW(ookies)?
Festering Jizzboxes?

Please send us any and all ideas: swdelusionspod at gmail dot com. There is no wrong answer.

Things are picking up, pilgrims. Han and Chewie's poolside vacation at a former concubine's condo is derailed when Leia doesn't show up as planned. Leia is once again forced to deal with two-bit aristocrats while high. Luke embraces his inner desert rat, leading him straight to his favorite kind of teacher: an obviously insane elderly Jedi. Artoo and Threepio are stolen by a two-bit Alderaanian version of Han Solo. Artoo refuses to let the loss of his voice or his wheelies stop him from committing aggravated assault.

We're back in the beautiful dappled light of a Barbara Hambly joint after many chapters in the wilderness! Leia and a couple of New Republic ships (along with her brother) have come to the world of Nom Nom Cheerio, a planet full of crystals, the Force, and possibly even Callista to meet with a politician desperate for the New Republic's help. He and some other colonists settled on Nom Nom Cheerio knowing full well older inhabitants were very, very not interested in joining the Republic or having any contact with the galaxy at all, and they think Leia should fix it. Now everyone on board the ships are dying. Leia finds herself stoned on a couch in Joshua Tree. Luke crashed his car while stalking his ex but is having fun doing desert rat stuff with some new desert friends. And Threepio is throwing a funeral at 2.5x speed.

We take a short break from our regularly scheduled program of recapping professional Star Wars fan fiction to highlight a piece from someone who's only in it for the love of the game. The Last Poem of Jedha  asks questions like "what happens if the crew of Rogue One live?" and "what do you owe to your dead world if you got a master's degree in poetry while flying Imperial shuttles?" and "why am I crying about a poem I've never read?" We'll be back next week with the next installment in the Callista trilogy - Madame Barbara Hambly's Planet of Twilight.

Like Callista, we are finally freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. The Hutts learn the perils of accepting the lowest bid on materials and services. Callista decides that if she can't use the Force, that won't stop her from trying to blow up yet another Imperial super ship. Luke gets some help moving a log. Crix Madine dies for literally nothing. The New Republic may have poisoned a bunch of parade goers. Emily finally loses it. And the Jedi academy seems to be doing...just fine with out a Skywalker around. Also, do not insult them by implying they would misuse the mails. There is no plan. What's the plan? Should we plan?

This will be the last episode of our second season. We recorded just before the holidays, so we'll have short break in the new year as patrons choose our next book. Want to help choose? Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod

Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Dorsk 81 the Cloned? I thought not. It's not a story Barbara Hambly would tell you.

Dorsk 81 was super good at his desk job, but he was the first Dorsk to ever get bored and he decided to be a space cop instead. He graduated police academy in the most unceremonious way possible and then his best friend forced him to go to a N*zi rally "just to see what they're up to." Turns out, they were up to genocides (duh). But since Dorsk 81 wasn't super populer...lar...back home, the mayor ignored his warnings and now most of their planet is dead. Dorsk 81 himself got internally fried trying to cosplay as Sailor Moon in defense of the Jedi Temple — though he did manage to use the Force to hip check 17 Star Destroyers so hard it sent Gilad Pellaeon's mustache a'quivering. The best we can say about these chapters is: .................the book is almost over. Also, KNIGHT HAMMER. 💀

Folks, this book is rough enough that maybe even fat free flavor crystals sprinkled on a sarcastic omniscient space clam can't save it. Everyone is getting done dirty in this section, from the entire Wampa race down to Wedge Antilles. Our heroes hop all over the galaxy, finding out things that other people already know and gaslighting their significant others, friends, and/or protégées. Even more upsetting are the gratuitous mentions of Pellaeon's depression mustache. Our hosts dive deep into Crix Madine's baffling uniform to distract themselves from the impossible task of figuring out how much time has elapsed so far in this book (Five years? Two days? The galaxy may never know).

Fair warning: if you identify as a woman or a Mon Calamari, there's not much to appreciate about these chapters. Leia finally gets to go out with her family — to eat a salad. Admiral Ackbar can't even make it past the Corneria mission in Star Fox 64 — despite being a revered war vet. Qwi Xux is supposedly a brilliant scientist — but more importantly, Wedge thinks she's hot. And even though Callista tried to break up with Luke Skywalker, she continues to follow him around the galaxy — enduring Wampa attacks and an endless barrage of stories about his gap year on Dagobah.

This is really a book about getting the gang back together if you think about it! Luke asks the New Republic for some PTO to head off with Callista to find the Force on an ice resort for rich people (we don't get it either). Kyp Durran is allowed to graduate to full Jedi and just...peace out to go after a vague hunch (talk about the Luke Skywalker school of Jedi-ing). Han and Leia ponder what to do about the whole Hutt situation. And Admirals Daala and Pelleon (and his mustache) prep for a Very Important Meeting.