But soft! What light through yonder airbrush breaks -- it is the east, and the book is A.C. Crispin's Rebel Dawn. We're creeping closer to to the moment Han and Chewie walk through the cantina doors in Mos Eisley, but for now we have several scheming Hutts, Chewie romancing his lady friend with some fresh porcupine, and everyone converging on beautiful Cloud City, Bespin -- Han and Lando to play some cards, Bria and Winter (!!) to propose some kind of Rebel study group, and get a nice cup of vine-coffee. Plus, patrons get inventive on galactic Reddit.

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Chewie contemplates the true meaning of a Wookie life debt after an incredibly annoying car ride with his human, Han finds out the perils of competency as he is sent to bribe yet another Imperial commander...and that he loves being on stage, even when not in a sparkly bodysuit. Bria finds out the Imperial Moff she's hitched her wagon to has lost his mind. Hutts continue to Hutt as battles and poisoning schemes approach their inevitable conclusions.

Everything seems to be coming up Han. Boba Fett hasn't shot him with a butt-dart in months. After being dumped by his close-magic girlfriend, he finds a new lady in a Corellian bar (and this new lady doesn't make him wear spangly bodysuits). His buddy Lando bought a shipyard with life-crystal money and leases Han and Chewie their very own ship!! (So what if it's a total lemon and not the Falcon?) All of the Nar Shadda Smuggle Buddies (TM) get together in a space barn on the daily to fix up their ships and trade hot goss. Life is prettay prettay prettayyyyy good...

...until it isn't. For some reason, old Empy P decides to 'crack down on crime', which means going after the Hutts, which means the National Guard is about to get deployed to Nar Shadda. The Hutts think that the best way to smooth this over is to call the only human they know (guess who) to try to make some bargains with the Imperials...

Where to BEGIN. Han and Chewie are living in a shitty apartment and driving a giant space bus while on the run from many a bounty hunter when they end up taking a quick jaunt to Kessel to escape from a very handsy lady Wookie. A.C. Crispin does her level best to explain why you might measure the Kessel Run in parsecs...and more importantly, how Han is, of course, a natural at flying through asteroid fields. Back on Nal Hutta, he finally gets a meeting with Jabba and Jiliac, which leads to a new job and the opportunity to romance a famous (and very serious) magician. Not even magic can save him from Boba Fett, who hits him in the butt with a dart filled with the old "Ella Enchanted" juice. But you know who can? A very handsome, stylishly dressed man who needs some flying lessons in the old hunk of junk freighter he just won in a card game.

Smash cut to our next book...and one Han Solo, recently kicked out of the Imperial Navy after five years of faithful (?) service. He's getting very drunk in a bar and getting very nostalgic about his cool Corellian pants while he tries to get rid of an annoying Wookie who won't stop following him around. It's a good thing Chewbacca did adopt this rescue human at the shelter though, because Han spends the rest of these chapters writing checks his body can't cash. And maybe, just maybe seeing his ex across a crowd of potential pilgrims...

Han and Bria head to Corellia, where they have an incredibly awkward long weekend with her family ending in Han getting recognized as the swoop champion of all Corellia by Bria's ex. To be fair, he seems hella stoked she's sleeping with such a good swoop pilot. Then it's off for an even more disastrous mini break on Coruscant that ends with Han (failing at) robbing a bank, Bria realizing she needs to deal with her addiction before she can be in a relationship, and Han getting his retinas burned off. Luckily, the Imperial Naval Academy doesn't care if you heart is now a hard empty shell because your girlfriend left you...but they do care if you know about like, jizz and art and stuff. Shrike also doesn't care about the breakup or any of that culture stuff, although he would like the bounty on Han's head. Can't a man enjoy his new retinas and eat his nerf medallions in peace??

Plus, the chat has spoken: we'll continue on to book two, The Hutt Gambit.

The action's really pickin' up, pardners. Han and Muurgh both race to rescue their respective partners from horrible, cult-based slavery with some tastefully designed explosions. Also, they stuff a bunch of antiques into a backpack, do some fancy flying, attend a space-cat wedding, and have some tastefully off-screen sexy times. Plus, we ask: what do we read next?

Emily gets her laptop back. Han Solo does some hand smoochies and gets a reluctant mud bath. Bria gets high and realizes her religion is a sham. Muuurgh plots a murder and goes for a run.

This episode is coming to you late as Emily's solar panels got connected to the grid. We are proud to say that makes Delusions of Grandeur a bi-coastal and (theoretically) carbon-free production thanks to two roofs full of spook crystals!But back to the book: our intrepid hosts describe a whole lotta drugs as Han learns more about the world he's found himself on -- and how the whole 'religion' thing is a front for the drugs thing. Han also meets his 'bodyguard', Muurgh, a high priest with his own museum, and a possibly hot Corellian archeologist wearing a dumb hat while she makes spice. Plus, Han goes on his first drug run, is attacked by pirates, and is forced to touch down on some dumb college planet called Alderaan.