Luke Skywalker finally gets a chance to shine as a both a Jedi and a general contractor. Artoo unleashes his murderous side. Mara manages to avoid getting shot a second time. Han proves conclusively that he simply doesn't know metadata exists. Moranda gets drunk in a box. Flim has some fun playing galactic Risk on the big board. And Admiral Pellaeon puts on his favorite boots to make a dramatic entrance.

Did your intrepid hosts yell at eachother for over an hour and half and still only make it through three chapters? Well, yes but...you guys, things are getting good. Kliff and Navette finally start putting their plan in motion on Bothawui, only to spot those New Rep military types up close and personal in their pet shop with some old lady. Unfortunately for the Imperials, one of them is a guy off the goddamn space Wheaties box. While they debate whether or not to kill confirmed hero Wedge Antilles and whoever that short Corellian following him around is, Garm "Dad" Bel Iblis calls to summon them back to like, do actual army stuff. Mara wakes up to find Luke is waiting with a rotisserie chicken and five days of slightly insane thoughts about her life -- including the unnerving idea that maybe the Threateners have been trying to get in touch with her, specifically, this entire time. And we meet a fun new, non-Jedi religion in the Outer Rim, patiently waiting for their messiah to rise again (should be any day now).

"What is a hallway but a series of open-ended storage compartments?" --Karoly, probably.

Gilad Pellaeon breaks into one ivoory desk to steal floppy disks and now he's all, "let's go break my friend out of prison!" Meanwhile, despite his boss' critical feedback, Flim is out here doing an incredible job being fake-Thrawn. He's convincing pirates to give him their super deadly shipyards for free. He's got a Mistryl assassin convinced she should probably get her assassin sisterhood to join the Empire. And (for now) he's convinced Han and Lando that they have a copy of the Camaas Document. Get this man a high ball and keep him alive for a while longer, he earned it.

Speaking of leadership, manic pixie dream boss Talon Karrde thinks he's about to reach the end of his mid-life crisis (though he also thinks the end is death-by-former-employer). Joke's on him: his menty b hasn't even started! For once, C-3PO is the only one out here having a great time. In fairness, that might be because he doesn't know what's going on.

Leia hastily sweeps some fast food wrappers off the dash as she and Pelleaon sit down to negotiate lasting galactic peace in the Falcon. Back on Bastion, the Imperial Triumvirate of Messy B*tches rides again as Han and Lando race against the best spy craft the space 1970s can buy, while Pelleaon casually violates Disra's 4th Amendment rights. Luthen Rael, eat your heart out.

We open on a very skeptical Lando who, having been guilt tripped by Han Solo YET AGAIN for casually betraying him and his lady friend ~15 years ago, is struggling to put his faith in a clone. Actually, it's more intense than that: Lando is incredibly anti-clone. Like, to the point where I can't repeat what he says here, in case clones are reading this.

Turns out, the clone just loves farming and will put up with whatever schemes Han Solo has in mind in order to get back to his crops. #cropwatch

Meanwhile, our Cave Pals™️ break through some drywall into an otherwise impenetrable fortress filled with Thrawn's...cousins? Mara and Luke find themselves in a classic Ao3 hurt/comfort, if-only-the-beetles-had-left-us-at-least-one-sleeping-bag situation. Except it's not even that spicy — it's just creepy — and we are, unfortunately, not into it.

Finally: slightly buzzed on a morning margarita or three, Moranda leads our hapless army buddies (Corran and Wedge) through the proper steps for successful espionage: 1. tap the phones, 2. pilfer the schematics, 3. case the exotic pet store.

This future vision is starting to get spicy! Leia is (diplomatically) ambushed by Corran Horn's former butler Elegos Ak'la -- who was always too good for him, right?? Right. Oh, and he brought along this 30 year old kid named Ghent, too. Shada and Karrde have a rough day out as it becomes clear Jorge Car'das definitely knows they're coming -- and as Karrde leaves Shada out in the cold during Operation Strategic Use of Local Jackets. By way of apology, he tells her about the time Jorge Car'das was carjacked by a group of Dark Jedi and came back a much more terrifying man. And Mara and Luke, forced to do an almost endless corporate-retreat-style, totally unromantic trust fall for completely legitimate plot reasons, start to unpack some Dark Jedi shit of their own.

The Council of Imperial Bitches make it through their first battle with the help of Wookipedia. Lando is interrupted on his quest to invent an underwater version of Nevada by a phone call from an old friend. Karoly D'ulin shoves herself into ever-smaller closets. Corran and Wedge fail at their mission seconds after stetting foot on Bothawui. And Mara sits down for a good-old fashioned therapy ambush after 12 hours of hiking through a cave with Luke Skywalker.

Luke and Mara reunite and begin an emotionally fraught camping trip to sneak into a heavily fortified military base while being forced to hold hands. Han attempts to seduce his wife (presumably in a sarong) only to be foiled by the Solo Embarrassment Factor (and a bunch of unmarked starfighters). Our Imperial saboteurs roll up on Bothawui with frankly offensive space-Italian accents, a dream of opening a pet store, and a perfectly calculated, insultingly small bribe. The Clone Club convenes with a proposition for Han and Leia.  And Pellaeon discovers his ex might have returned from the dead only to move on with a new Moff. But he's happy for the Empire, he really is.

We press on in the Hand of Thrawn duology. The cover: full of amazing hair for all our principals: Luke, Mara, and...Han? The dedication: from the author to his friends, but aren't we the real friends he made along the way??? The plot: we catch up with a variety of Imperial officers gazing pensively into space (and one scheming quite effectively to pry worlds away from the New Republic). Luke should have sprung for cave valet, as his X-wing is immediately jacked the moment he parks. The Force is surprisingly cool with grand larceny. Wedge and Corran are tapped by Bel Iblis for some planet side maneuvers that satisfy the letter of army law if not the spirit. Shada D'ukal befriends C-3P0 and then immediately unfriends some bikers. And we find out Talon Karrde did not take Corellian Lit in space college.

We reach the epic conclusion of this (possibly?) New York Times bestselling novel. Lando learns the downsides of the caped lifestyle. Shada's job interview goes slightly sideways. Talon Karrde offers to work for free (!?). Wedge and the Rogues simply cannot catch a break (or a cake). Our hosts wonder if finding the Camaas document can even fix what's broken in the New Republic. And friend of the pod Gilad Pellaeon starts a Thrawn cover band while he waits for Bel Iblis.

We shall return with book two, Vision of the Future!