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A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 1) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 2) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 3) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 4) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 5) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  

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Responding to Your Husband 

Day 3 of 5

Guest:                        Nancy Leigh DeMoss

From the series:       A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood

Bob: A lot of women bristle at the idea of submission, which is talked about in the Bible.  In some cases, that's because the concept has been abused or misapplied.  Nancy Leigh DeMoss says one reason women bristle is because they haven't wrestled with the concept of surrendering to God and His purposes.

Nancy: Proverbs tells us that the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, and the Lord turns the heart of that king as the rivers of water.  The greatest evidence of how big I believe God is, is my willingness to trust God to work through authority that He's placed in my life and to give Him time to change the heart of that authority.

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, June 18th.  Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey.  A lot of women and men struggle with the idea of submission and what that ought to look like in our lives.  Stay tuned.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition of our broadcast.  I was remembering, Dennis, the advertising campaign, that came out in the – oh, the early '70s for the Virginia Slims brand of cigarettes – "You've Come a Long Way, Baby," you remember that jingle? 

Dennis: I do.

Bob: And they used to sing in that jingle – "You've come a long way, you've got your own cigarette now, baby, you've come a long, long way,"  and I remember laughing at that , thinking, "Boy, that's a real sign of progress, huh?  When somebody finally has their own brand of cigarette, they've really come a long way.

And yet over the last 30 or 40 years, we have looked at what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman, it's all been in the context of coming a long way and digging ourselves out of our repressive past into our liberated future.

Dennis: And, of course, in order to do that, a woman has got to roar.  

Bob: That's right, that's right.

Dennis: And so between cigarettes and roaring, we have redefined what it means to be a woman, and we're laughing about this here, but you know what?  It really is sad.  That definition and that roaring has occurred to great harm and detriment within the Christian community as we attempt to raise our daughters and, for that matter, our sons, with a true biblical imprint of God's image in them as male and as female.  And with us to help us perhaps counter that culture with a biblical portrait of what it means to be a woman, today on the broadcast, is Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  

Nancy is a speaker to women's groups.  In fact, she has done that for the past 20 years, and this is a life message for you, isn't it, Nancy?

Nancy: I just consider it an exciting challenge today to help women see that there is so much more that God has for us than perhaps what we've been enjoying.

Bob: Well, and you get to do that every day on your daily radio program, "Revive Our Hearts," which is heard on many of the same stations that carry FamilyLife Today.  And you've done it through your writing, through the bestselling book, "Lies Women Believe," the Study Guide, "Seeking Him," the trilogy of books on surrender and holiness and brokenness that you've written and, this fall, you're going to be having an opportunity to challenge women on this very subject at a conference, a national conference you're doing in Chicago that is called True Woman '08."  My wife is planning to be there and really looking forward to it.

Let me ask you – as we're talking about this subject of the differences between men and women, you really believe that there is a lot of confusion among Christians, both men and women, on this subject because of the messages we're getting from the culture, right?

Nancy: Well, look around and see the dynamics of our culture are rooted in the twin vices of selfishness and rebellion.  Our culture is rooted in self-seeking, self-assertiveness, self-exaltation, selfishness – self-centeredness and rebellion.  We dislike authority.  We don't want to live under authority and, as women, this has been especially destructive as the feminist movement has built its case on self-seeking, self-assertiveness, and rebellion against authority.

God's Word, on the other hand, teaches us the way of surrender, submission to Christ as Lord, and then to those of human authorities that God places in our lives.  Surrender versus rebellion and the way of love – being a giver rather than a taker, not self-seeking but self-denying.

Dennis: Let's look at some important parts of this portrait of what it means to truly biblically feminine, of what God wants you to be as a woman.  Where do we begin as we look at this portrait?

Nancy: We talked yesterday about the woman as a responder and the man as an initiator.  This becomes obvious to us as we go back again to the Genesis record and see what God designed for the man and for the woman, and then how the man and the woman distorted and perverted that design.  God made the man and said to the man, "Here is your responsibility.  Have dominion, subdue the earth, rule over it, be the king of the earth."  Then God gave to the man a helper, a woman, likewise created in the image of God but different than the man, made to complete him not to compete with him, and said to her, "You are to help him fulfill this responsibility."

Then when we come to the serpent entering the scene, we find the first illustration of role reversal.  It's interesting that the serpent comes to the woman.  God had given the instruction to the man, but Satan comes to the woman independent of the man and challenges her to take the initiative; to find her declaration of independence.  To say, "I will make my own decision, I will be my ...

A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 1) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 2) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 3) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 4) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 5) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  

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A Woman After God's Own Heart 

Day 4 of 5

Guest:                        Nancy Leigh DeMoss

From the series:       A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood

Bob: If someone told you, as a woman, that your life should be about servanthood, about serving others, would it cause your back to stiffen a little bit?  Here's Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy: For us, as women, to be willing to give our lives – that's the whole message of the cross – it's a pouring out of my life, it's a laying down of my life, it's being willing to spend and be spent on behalf of others.  There is no higher role in the kingdom of God than to be a servant, and we need to lift it back up to its exalted state.

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, June 19th.  Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  When it comes to assuming our responsibilities as men and women, it often means we have to live in a way that doesn't come naturally.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.  We're looking this week at what the Bible has to say about femininity and how we can understand biblical womanhood by looking at what the Scriptures say about what it means to be truly feminine.

Dennis: And, at this point, I feel like a pastor friend of mine who gave a message on this one time, who held up a sign at the beginning of the sermon that said, "I love women."  He walked out and held it up and said, "I am about to teach what the Bible says here, but understand this – I love women."  He said, "I'm married to one, and I have daughters, and I have friends."  And he just wanted the ladies in the audience to know that this wasn't from a heart of wanting to put down anyone but, indeed, exalt. 

And to help us do that here in the studio for a fourth day is Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  Nancy, welcome back.

Nancy: Thank you, Dennis.

Dennis: And, Nancy, we've been talking about the picture of what a true woman is and what she does, and we've talked about being a responder, a helper, a cheerleader, and one of the things you talk about in this portrait you've painted is that a woman is a servant.  How so?  How is she uniquely a servant?

Nancy: You know, Dennis, it's interesting to me that in the New Testament when the Scripture speaks of service being rendered to Jesus while He was here on this earth, that every time that service is rendered by either an angel or by a woman, and there is no question that Scripture teaches that all of us, as believers, are to have servants' hearts, and that we are never more like Jesus than when we're serving.

But I believe there is a distinctive role for those of us as women, as helpers to the men, to be in a serving role.  It's interesting that in 1 Timothy, chapter 5, where Paul is talking about what qualifies a widow to be cared for by the church, to have her needs met by the church, she has to have lived a certain kind of life before she was a widow.  And in verse 10 of that passage, 1 Timothy, chapter 5, Paul lists the things that must have been true of her while she was a married woman if she is going to qualify as a widow to be cared for by the church.  She has to have brought up children, she is to have lodged strangers, provided hospitality, she is to have washed the feet of the saints, served the people of God in practical ways, she is to have relieved the afflicted.  

I think we see in this passage a pattern for all of us, as women, whether married or single, that there are roles and ways that we can practically serve those in the body of Christ and those outside the body of Christ, in ways that, by many women, have been considered demeaning or insignificant but when rendered in the name of Christ, they become extremely significant.

Dennis: I like what you're saying here.  You're saying that we need to be looking at this list that Paul speaks about here and be training our daughters to have hearts that are enlarged for God to be creating good works on behalf of others.

Nancy: You know, one of my favorite women in the Scripture is a little-known woman known Dorcas who, as you remember, lived in the town of Joppa, and she died, and when she died, all the widows of the town began to weep, because she had spent her life not leading some massive organization, not being a crusader or a campaigner, but she had lived her life making clothes and providing for the physical material needs of the widows in the town.  And it's interesting that Peter the Apostle took time out of his busy schedule to come to Joppa to perform a miracle and raise her from the dead and, really, all we're told about her is that her contribution was to minister to the needs of these widows.  That was why she was loved, that's why she was appreciated, that was the influence, the impact, the power of her life, was in that serving way.

Dennis: And you're saying that she was uniquely being a woman at that point?

Nancy: She was and, again, not to say – and there is so much emphasis today on men being servants to their wives and to their children – again, this is the heart of Jesus who stooped to wash the feet of his disciples.  But, you know, it's politically correct in the evangelical world today for us to talk about men serving their wives and children.  But when we begin the talk about wives who are distinctly made by God to be helpers to their husbands, wives coming into the role of servant – well, that kind of rubs the cat the wrong way, and it shouldn't.

Dennis: You mentioned that in one audience you got a standing ovation when speaking to a Christian group, and in another part of the country when you mentioned the same truth, there was a deafening silence.

Nancy: I've had women say to me, and we've heard...

A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 1) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 2) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 3) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 4) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss
A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood (Part 5) - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  

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Becoming a Woman of Character 

Day 5 of 5

Guest:                        Nancy Leigh DeMoss

From the series:       A Biblical Portrait of Womanhood

Bob: One of the ways for a woman to tell if she's been influenced by the ideology of feminism is to examine her own thinking and see if there is a root of selfishness present there.  Here is Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Nancy: If I say my body is my own, I will run my own life, it doesn't matter what men see or what they think, I am living for myself.  But if I am willing to embrace God's plan for my life, then I say, "When I dress or behave or talk or act in any way, if it is a way that tears down and harms men rather than helping them and building them up, then I have failed in my divine purpose."

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, June 20th.  Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  What should a 21st century woman think about subjects like chastity and purity and modesty?  We'll talk about it today.  Stay tuned.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.  This week we've been looking at womanhood from a biblical perspective, and it's interesting, the Bible says that all of us are to be people of godly character and yet there are some things, there are some character qualities or characteristics that the Bible would point to as being distinctively feminine, and that's what we want our focus to be about in this time together today.

Dennis: It's interesting, you hear all kinds of messages to men about being men of character, but I can't recall a message to women on being women of character.

Nancy: And yet it's interesting that the Scripture has so very much to say about the character of women.

Dennis: Yes.  

Bob: Which is why we wanted to get into the subject today and let me, if I can, Dennis, introduce for the listeners who don't recognize our guest's voice, Nancy Leigh DeMoss is joining us this week.  Nancy is the host of a daily radio program called "Revive Our Hearts," that is heard on many of the same stations that carry our program, FamilyLife Today.  She is an author and is going to be hosting a national conference for women in Chicago coming up in October.  It's called True Woman '08.

A number of speaks who are going to be there, including Janet Parshall and Joni Eareckson Tada, your wife, Barbara, is going to be there, our friend, Karen Loritts is going to join Nancy, and John Piper is also going to be speaking at this conference.  And I know Mary Ann is looking forward to being at the conference.

If our listeners are interested in more information about how they can attend the national True Woman '08 conference in Chicago, they can go to our website, FamilyLife.com, click where it says "Today's Broadcast," and there is a link there that will take them to the registration area for True Woman '08, and they can plan to be a part of that conference.

And I know one of the things you're going to talk about at the conference is how women can better understand what we've been talking about this week – biblical femininity.  And there are a lot of components to that portrait.  Help us out – if a woman wants to be all God wants her to be, as a woman, what is the starting place for her?

Nancy: Again, we have to go back to the Scripture and not let the world press us into its mold but go back and draw our understanding and our authority from the Scripture.  I think of a passage such as 1 Peter, chapter 3, known to many of us, as women, but if we go back and examine that passage, it has so much to say about our character, as women.  It's talking about, in this specific context, a woman who has an unsaved husband.  How does she influence his life?  How does she help to draw him toward Christ?  

And I say to women often, as they come to one of my seminars, "Now, you may be going back into a home where your husband doesn't necessarily see all these truths," and I say to them, "Don't start putting tracts in his cereal bowl or putting your seminar notes under his pillow."  The Scripture talks about a much more powerful means of influence; it talks about our subjection, and we talked about that earlier this week, about the coming under authority, but then it talks about our pure, chaste behavior.  And the other passages that shed light on this in the New Testament talk about a woman of modesty in the way that she conducts herself, in the way that she dresses, a woman whose heart is pure, a woman who is morally pure.

You know, we used to have to address the subject of moral purity just with men, but now we find today that in our sensual culture that many, many women struggle with these issues of fantasizing of the books and novels that they are reading, the magazines that they are reading, the TV programs that they're watching that are fueling immoral thoughts and behavior in their lives, and the Scripture says the woman of God, a true woman, is the woman who has pure behavior.  She is chaste in her behavior.

Dennis: Yes, and it's interesting that purity of heart is expressed in the way she not only behaves but in the way that she dresses.

Nancy: The Scripture tells us that a wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman is going to tear it down, and in the Book of Proverbs, one of the ways that a foolish woman tears down the men around her is with the way that she dresses and the way that she carries herself.  Proverbs 7 talks about a woman who sets out to entice or to ensnare a man who is simple, who is naïve, who is lacking wisdom.  And one of the ways she does that is by provocative dress.

Bob: Do you think there is any difference between God's call to a woman being chaste and pure and His call to a man to be moral...

An Untold Love Story (Part 1) - Ken and Joni Tada
An Untold Love Story (Part 2) - Ken and Joni Tada

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  

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Following God Together

Guests:                      Ken and Joni Tada              

From the series:       An Untold Love Story (Day 1 of 2)

Bob:  The quality of your marriage is affected by your priorities. Here’s Joni Eareckson Tada.

Joni:  Sit down, one time, with your spouse and just talk about—sketch it out—“What is the big picture?” Then, commit to make that your goal. For Ken and me—I trust for most Christian couples—it is heaven. It is the finish line. It is the end of the good fight. It is hearing those wonderful words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” That’s what we want to hear! That’s what we’re living for.

Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, May 2nd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We’ll hear from Joni and Ken Tada today about how living with heaven in mind—the finish line in mind—can have an impact on your marriage today. Stay tuned.  

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is in Second Corinthians, Chapter 5. It talks about how Christians are new creatures in Christ; and then, goes on to say that we’re ambassadors. We live as citizens in one kingdom—

Dennis:  That’s right.

Bob: —but we’re living in a different kingdom, representing the homeland—representing our King. I was thinking about that today because I was thinking we’re all ambassadors; but sometimes, when some ambassadors get up to speak, I cringe a little bit at how that ambassador is going to represent the kingdom. I’ve never had that cringe happen when I hear our guests get up to speak and represent the Kingdom.

Dennis:  No, there’s something that resonates within the spirit that they should take the stage, and the podium, and the pulpit, and tell it like it is because they have lived in the presence of Jesus Christ in ways that we’re going to talk about today. We’re going to talk about a great love story. Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada join us on FamilyLife Today again. Welcome back, you guys. It’s good to have you. 

Ken:  Thank you, Dennis; and thank you, Bob.

Joni:  Well, what an introduction, Bob. My goodness! How, I want to be a good ambassador for Jesus.

Bob:  Wow.

Dennis: You always have been! You always have been.

Joni:  Oh, let me never just defame the good name of Jesus.

Dennis:  Well, Joni, you’ve written over 50 books. Ken, you are a world-class fly fisherman. You told me that yourself. [Laughter]

Joni:  Yes, he is. He really is! [Laughter]

Ken:  I am not a world-class fly fisherman.

Bob:  But here, I’m just juxtaposing. You’ve written 50 books—you can catch fish. Way to go—a great team. [Laughter]

Ken:  Yes, I guess there is some connection right there.

Dennis:  It’s a great team. Ken leads these outfitter adventures. In fact, it’s called “The Wild Adventure” in Montana.

Ken:  Yes.

Dennis:  I’m going to get on one of those one of these days because I can wet a fly, too.

Ken:  That’s a lead-in to that book because this book is for men—the book that we just wrote.

Dennis:  This really is a book; and Joni, you said it earlier. In fact, why don’t you comment on this book? It’s called Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story. 

Joni:  That’s right.

Dennis:  Say what you told me, just before we came on the air.

Joni:  Well, I think the subtitle, An Untold Love Story—it is really Ken’s story. It’s an untold story about him. We have never peeled back the layers of our marriage quite like we have in this most-recent book; but after we crested 30 years of marriage, we looked at one another and thought: “You know—we’re not experts. We’ve never been to seminary. We’re not family counselors. But after three decades of quadriplegia—then, chronic pain and quadriplegia—then, breast cancer, and chronic pain, and quadriplegia—in some ways, that’s given us—I don’t know—some new fresh platform—a kind of an authority to speak to other couples about what commitment really is.” But it’s Ken’s commitment that comes shining through the pages of this book.

Dennis:  I really want to disagree with you about the seminary thing. 

Joni:  Oh, come on.

Dennis:  I think you have both been to the ultimate seminary—

Bob:  Yes.

Dennis:  —every day, experiencing God and seeing Him at work in your lives, your marriage, and sharing that together. I have to say, as I told you earlier, your book really is quite a love story. It’s a paradox. It’s not at all the warm fuzzy that Hollywood would tell.

Joni:  No. When Ken and I married—well, I should say before we married, we had lots of friends—not all of them believers, not all of them followers of Jesus—who suggested, that since I was a quadriplegic, that Ken and I should go away—try it out for a weekend; see if this was going to work—“Ken, can you handle it?” But Ken and I just decided we weren’t going to do that. We weren’t going to violate our convictions. So, we went into this marriage, saying: “I do, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” really not knowing how challenging those 24/7, non-stop, daily, dreary routines of my disability could be. 

We call those years in our marriage the tired middle years. The first ten years—fifteen years—of our marriage were extremely difficult.

Ken:  It made for an interesting honeymoon [chuckle] you know, and—

Dennis:  And you really spell that out in the book, but I want to take you back to where you start the book. You begin with this romantic date—that you’re on—where you declare to Ken that cancer had been a gift. I want you to tell that story.

An Untold Love Story (Part 1) - Ken and Joni Tada
An Untold Love Story (Part 2) - Ken and Joni Tada

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  

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Sufficient Grace

Guests:                      Ken and Joni Tada              

From the series:       An Untold Love Story (Day 2 of 2)

Bob:  Joni Eareckson Tada remembers a time in her marriage to her husband Ken when both of them were starting to drift farther and farther apart.

Joni:  I was fearful that I was making Ken depressed. My disability was depressing my husband. So, I would be very careful to take care of as many routines as I could possibly do before he came home from school so that I would not have to walk on eggshells and ask him to do anything for me because I knew that asking too much of Ken would plummet him into depression. For a long time, it was this strange tap dance that we both played.

Bob:  This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, May 3rd. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We’ll hear today what Joni and Ken Tada did when they realized they were drifting apart in marriage. Stay with us.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. I’ve been thinking about—I have a son who just proposed to his girlfriend. They’re going to get married soon. I was thinking, “If I could sit them down with anybody, for a little premarital counseling—the couple that could give them the benefits of great experience and theological understanding—

Dennis:  You really had thought of me.

Bob:  Ah-h-h. You were on the list. [Laughter]

Dennis:  I’m kidding you. I know who’s in the studio, Bob.

Bob:  You were underneath our guests today.

Dennis:  Way underneath the guests.

Bob:  I just thought, “Would it be okay if we got some premarital counseling for John and Katie from our guests?” Just let them—they’ve written this book. Tell them about the book that they’ve written.

Dennis:  Well, this book is called Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story. So they need to hear a love story—one that’s gone 30 years, plus.

Bob:  And that has gone through some rocky times.

Dennis:  Some?

Bob:  Yes.

Joni:  A few.

Dennis:  A few, no doubt about it.

Bob:  I just thought, “I wonder what counsel they would give to a couple, just getting started, on the frontend of the journey?”

Dennis:  Well, let’s ask them. Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada join us again on FamilyLife Today. Ken, Joni, welcome back.

Joni:  Absolutely. It’s good to be back.

Ken:  Thanks.

Dennis:  I know Ken would like to teach your son how to fly—

Joni:  Fly fish.

Dennis: —fly fish. I don’t know if Ken ties the flies.

Ken:  Yes, but—

Bob:  Would that help his marriage if he learned how to fly fish?

Ken:  It could, but don’t do it the first year. [Laughter]

Joni:  But you know what I had Ken’s best man tell me on our wedding day? He drew me aside and whispered in my ear, “Let your husband keep his dreams.” I didn’t know what he meant, at the time; but of course, this whole fly fishing thing—about which we joke—it’s really important, I think, for guys to have that space—to have those times of connection with other men. 

Ken:  And Joni’s been my biggest supporter, during that—the whole time—not that I abuse it—but she knows that I need to have time with guys.

Joni:  Oh, yes! You know how you abuse it; don’t you?

Ken:  How?

Joni:  We’re driving down the freeway and he’ll say: “Hey, there’s a Jaguar that just drove by. Joni, can I have a Jaguar?” “No! Of course, not!” Then, of course, that sets me up for—“Oh, then, you’ll give me the fishing reel.” [Laughter] Okay. I know what you’re up to!

Ken:  It took 30 years—but you start high and you aim lower [Laughter]—and asking for a brand-new Jaguar convertible—obviously, I’m not going that direction—but a new fly rod—that would be kind of cool!

Dennis:  Yes, there you go. Let’s go back to Bob’s question here. Let’s put it on the line, here. Let’s go back to your honeymoon to talk about some of the most important lessons you started out your marriage learning.

Ken:  Well, the one lesson we learned is—I think Joni and I have said before—but we had friends who told us to go out and experiment. We decided, “No.”—

Dennis:  Move in with each other.

Joni:  Pretty much.

Ken:  Well, for the weekend.

Joni:  Just to try it out for the weekend—for a couple of weekends.

Dennis:  And the reason is—

Ken:  Because you know, with a disability, it was a little bit different than perhaps with an able-bodied person.

Joni:  Expediency.

Ken:  And just to see whether or not it would fit.

Joni: If this was going to work.

Bob:  See, I hear that story. I just imagine, in my head, you guys going off for a weekend and then you going, “Oh, I guess it’s not going to work.”  “What? Hello!”

Ken:  Where’s the commitment?

Bob:  Yes. How do you break that news to somebody, “I’m out of here because this part doesn’t work.” Well guess what? You may have seasons where that part of your relationship doesn’t work—

Ken:  Exactly.

Joni:  Exactly.

Bob:...

Don't Waste Your Life (Part 1) - John Piper
Don't Waste Your Life (Part 2) - John Piper
Don't Waste Your Life (Part 3) - John Piper

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript

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Don't Waste Your Life

Day 1 of 3

Guest:                           John Piper

From the Series:         Following the Call of Christ 

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Bob:                So why are you here?  For that matter, why is anything here?  Well, here is an answer from Dr. John Piper.

John:              We need to help people see why the universe was created, and it wasn't created for people to become famous and for people to become powerful, it was created to display the worth and excellencies and beauty and wonders of God.  And we are here to receive that excellency and reflect it out in our lives so that other people see it.  It's all about God – from Him, through Him, and to Him are all things to Him be glory forever and ever.

Bob:                This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, July 26th.  Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Understanding why we're here is the first step in not wasting our lives.  Stay tuned.

                        And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.  I have a distinct memory of an event that took place when I was in high school.  I was in an English class, and we were in a unit study on the subject of existentialism – "Existentialism and Man" – we were reading Camus and Sartre and the guy who wrote the story about being a cockroach – Kafka, Franz Kafka.

Dennis:          This was in high school?

 Bob:               This was in high school, and Mrs. Venary [sp] was our English teacher, and Mrs. Venary said one day, she asked us, "What's most important in your life?"  And I remember, we were going around the room and answering that question, and we got to me, and I don't remember what I said.  If I had to guess today, I would probably have said, "One of the really important things in my life is music."  I was in a band, I played guitar, I really liked music.  

                        But by the time we got to one of my classmates who was about halfway through the group, she said, "Really, the most important thing in my life is my relationship with God."  And I remember thinking, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the right answer.  I need to remember that next time." And then it dawned on me that if I didn't have that as the right answer when the question came around, it probably wasn't really the most important thing in my life, you know?

Dennis:          Yeah, and I was thinking how I would have answered it – I'm sorry that God would not have been my answer, either – athletics would have been.  And I think whether you're in high school and how you would have answered it then or where you are today, the question is still a good question, and we have someone today with us on FamilyLife Today who I think is going to help you – well, maybe either realign your spiritual tires or maybe answer the question in the right way for the first time.  

                        John Piper joins us on FamilyLife Today.  John, welcome to FamilyLife Today.

John:              Thank you, I'm glad to be here.

Dennis:          John is the pastor of preaching at Bethlehem Baptist Church where he has served since 1980.  He and his wife, Noelle, have four sons and a daughter, live in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and he's a prolific writer.  And, you know, Bob, it's not often that books come to our attention here at FamilyLife Today through our wives, but this one did.  Back last Christmas Barbara came to me, and she said, "You know, there is one book I want to give our kids for Christmas."  I said, "Oh, really?  Who is it by?"  She said, "John Piper."  And I immediately thought of some of the books that I've had the privilege of reading, browsing my way through, "Desiring God," among others, and she said, "It's a new book called "Don't Waste Your Life."  And I thought, "Now, that's a good title."  Because we have a generation of people, I believe, who are really not getting around to the question you asked, Bob – what is most important in your life.

                        John, you tell a story about a couple who had retired on the coast of Florida.

John:              Yeah, I got the story from "Reader's Digest."

Bob:                That's okay, Ronald Reagan got a lot of his stories from "Reader's Digest," too.  There's nothing wrong with that.

John:              And it was written by them, so it's not told about them, and I won't give any names, but they were marveling that at, I think, age 51 and 52 or something like that, they were able to retire early, go to Florida, and the peak of their excitement about this stage in their life was that they could play softball and collect shells.  And I just read that and thought, "You've got to be kidding?"

Dennis:          Now, we're talking about the ultimate experience in their lives?

John:              Evidently.  I mean, I'm thinking in the last chapter of my life, I am mainly preparing to meet the judge of the universe and give an account with my little vaporous life on this earth.  He is not going to ask, "Can I see your shell collection?"  

Bob:                Who won the softball game?  It's not going to matter, is it?

John:              It's not.  And so it became a kind of paradigm story for me of the American way because tragically the AARP and most people giving counsel on what to do with your latter years are telling you to go play them away on a golf course somewhere or something, and I'm thinking, "That is not the way I want to spend my life at all let alone my last few years in the months just preceding seeing the king of the universe."

Bob:        &nb...

Don't Waste Your Life (Part 1) - John Piper
Don't Waste Your Life (Part 2) - John Piper
Don't Waste Your Life (Part 3) - John Piper

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript

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Don't Waste Your Life

Day 2 of 3

Guest:                          John Piper

From the Series:         Glorifying God From Your Wealth 

________________________________________________________________

Bob:                If you really understand and embrace the realities of the Christian faith, it will change your life.  Here is Dr. John Piper.

John:              It seems to me that in this global village of ours, those who have any sense of reality at all know if Christianity is real, it's worth dying for.  If it's not real, then let's not even talk about it.  So, absolutely, I think we need to be straight up with young people and say, "Look, are you going to give your life and lay it down for Jesus or are you just going to play games?"  And nobody is out there saying, "What I really want to do with my life is play games."

Bob:                This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, July 27th.  Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Is your Christian faith worth dying for?  Is it worth living for?  Stay with us.

                        And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.  A couple of songs I remember from the 1960s.  You know, I always kind of – we talk about a program, and I always think of a song – you remember the song, "Alfie?"  Do you know that song?

Dennis:          Well, I couldn't sing it, but I remember it.

Bob:                "What's it all about, Alfie, is it just for the moment we live?  What's it all about?  Wouldn't you sort it out, Alfie?  Are we meant to take more than we give or are we meant to be kind and if only fools are kind, Alfie" – it keeps going on and on.  That was kind of an existential, philosophical – Burt Bacharach and Hal David wrote that.  They were – and then there was this other one – remember Peggy Lee?  She had this song about life, and she'd experienced the house burnt down one time, and she looked at the ashes, and she looked up, and she said, "Is that all there is?"  If that's all there is, my friend, then let's keep dancing.  Let's break out the booze and a have a ball, if that's all. 

                        You know, they were talking about some pretty heavy themes back there in the '60s.  They needed John Piper who could have told them what's it all about and that this is not all there is.

Dennis:          Well, you know, you're going to like John Piper, Bob, because in his book he quotes a Bob Dylan song called "Blowin' in the Wind."  "How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?  Yes, and how many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry?  Yes, and how many deaths will it take 'til he knows" …

Bob:                [mimicking Bob Dylan] "that too many people have died?  The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind."

                        I thought I'd throw in a little Bob Dylan.

Dennis:          And those who know him can make their own judgments about that.

John:              It was pretty good.

Dennis:          Was it good, John?  

Bob:                [as Bob Dylan] Thank you.

Dennis:          But as John points out, you know, think about that – the answer is blowing in the wind?  I mean, what a great place to look for a solution to life, huh?

Bob:                In the wind.

John:              Well, there are two ways to take that.  I took it both despairingly and hopefully because he said "the answer."  I mean, today, nobody believes there is such a thing in this post-modern age, there is no "the answer" blowing anywhere – wind or Bible.  And the fact that he would say "the answer is blowin' in the wind," held up to me, as a young person in those days, I'm hungry for the answer.  I'm hungry for the answer.  And so there was at least an echo of confidence, of objectivity there, and in those existentialist days, and our days are not any different, even moreso, anybody that believes in there is "the answer" is in a minority.  He's in a minority, and I want to get around him and say, "I believe that, too."  That's my only hope.  If there is no "the answer" then life really is empty.

Bob:                You don't think he'd been reading John, chapter 3, where Jesus says, "the wind blows wherever it will, and the answer is here, and the spirit moves" …

John:              I would like to think that.

Dennis:          He would love to believe that.  Well, the author of this book, don't waste your life, is John Piper.  He is the pastor of Bethlehem Baptist in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and, John, increasingly you are writing for a generation of college students and young professionals, I believe, who drink deeply from your writings because I think they're fed up with the culture of tolerance and political correctness and the lack of absolutes, and you're talking about absolutes here that rock their world in your book, "Don't Waste Your Life."  

                        In fact, in your book, you actually call these young men and women and all of us to be ready to give our lives for our faith.  I mean, that's a radical absolute that we would be willing to give our lives for our faith in Jesus Christ.

John:              You know, it's hard not to issue that call where you read, as I read an article about the Christians in Sudan.  Choose life or choose Christ; that is, you're going to be threatened and perhaps killed for just talking about mobs of people who circulate in Southern Sudan, take people and say, "Are you a Christian or are you not?"  If it's...

Don't Waste Your Life (Part 1) - John Piper
Don't Waste Your Life (Part 2) - John Piper
Don't Waste Your Life (Part 3) - John Piper

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript

References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.

Don't Waste Your Life

Day 3 of 3

Guest:                            John Piper

From the Series:         Boasting in the Cross 

________________________________________________________________

Bob:                On days other than Good Friday is the cross central to your thinking?  Is it central to your life?  Here's Dr. John Piper with thoughts about the cross.

John:              The word "cross" might mean something you're crucified on, or it might mean a piece of jewelry, or it might mean the last name of somebody you know, but in redemptive historical terms Jesus Christ the Son of God came into the world, He lived a perfect life, He laid Himself out voluntarily to be slaughtered on a cross.  He breathed his last breath in obedience to the Father so that He was a perfectly righteous substitute.  Then He raised Himself from the dead, He was taken up, sits at the right hand of God, intercedes for us.  When I say "the cross," I mean that great redemptive work from incarnation to the installation at God's right hand.  Yeah, that's really crucial to see.

Bob:                This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, July 28th.  Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.  Today we'll look at the implications of the cross, why it still matters for your life 2,000 years later.

                        And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.  You know, Dennis, I don't know that I will ever forget something that I heard our guest today say.  I remember where I was.  I was driving along on a highway on my way to Mount Ida, Arkansas.  I was tooling along listening to John Piper on tape, and he was saying that the world is not going to look at Christians in times of prosperity and say "I want to be a Christian," because you know what?  When Christians are blessed, they say "Praise the Lord," and when pagans are blessed, all we say is, "Boy, wasn't that lucky?"  He said, "No, the world is going to sit up and take notice when we go through adversity, and we still have a confidence in God; when we go through trials, and when we live the kind of radical life, then the world will say, 'Where does that come from?'"  And I thought, "He's right.  I am too comfortable, I am too content."  In fact, I should say here at the very beginning there needs to be a surgeon general warning on today's program.

Dennis:          Mm-hm, I'll tell you that.

Bob:                This program will create conviction in your soul and could bring you to a point of personal repentance yourself.

Dennis:          It could bring you to the conclusion that you are dangerously close, too close, to the world.

Bob:                Yeah, and it might bring you to the point where you need to get more dangerously involved in the Gospel.  And so let me introduce the pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church and the person who has brought me under conviction many times, John Piper, who is back with us for a third day.  Welcome back to FamilyLife Today.

John:              Thanks, I'm real glad to be here.

Bob:                And this book, "Don't Waste Your Life," you felt so strongly about this book you went to the publisher and said, "I want to give 50,000 copies of this book away."

John:              Yeah, we created a website just to give it away called "Don't Waste Your Life."  You can go there now, but we don't give them away anymore, because people took them, and we got a special deal because we just wanted to jumpstart the impact of the book and give as many away as we could, so we raised the money and people took them.

Bob:                Gave away 50,000?  Do you have any idea – any of the stories of folks who wrote to get a copy of this book?

John:              Not yet.

Dennis:          John, at the end of the broadcast yesterday, we challenged the listener to consider writing a title deed and transferring ownership over to Jesus Christ to become a disciple, a learner, a follower, a pursuer of God and His agenda for their lives.  And this is really at the core of what "Don't Waste Your Life" is all about.  In fact, you quote 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, as really one of the seminal passages in the New Testament calling people to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Christ.

John:              Yeah, the link that I heard, what you ended the program that way, was between signing your life off so that it belongs now to another and the glory of God, which is the ultimate value of the universe and the value that we live to display, and the link is made there in that verse in 1 Corinthians 6 because Paul says you are not your own, you were bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your bodies, which are God's.  So he made the link between being owned by God and glorifying God.  And so I think you're absolutely right – every person should be challenged to sign the title of their lives over to another who will not then say, "Ah, now I have a slave."  He will say, "No longer do I call you slaves.  I call you friends.  And now, come on, let's live together to magnify my glory in the world, thus says the Lord."

                        So that was the link I heard, and I thought it was crucial because the cross is right at the center of this book, and that's what I thought it might be helpful to think about a little bit – in what way is the cross center, because this book grew out of the one-day event in Memphis, Tennessee, in the year 2000, I think it was, where I delivered a message called "Boasting Only in the Cross," and told the illustration of the shells and so on that we talked about a couple of days ago.  That message was taken from Galatians 6:14, which says, "God forbid that I should glory except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ by which the world was crucified to me and I to the world," and I raised the question, "Really?  How can you only boast in the cross, only glory, only enjoy the cross?  ...

Messy Grace (Part 1) - Kaleb Kaltenbach
Messy Grace (Part 2) - Kaleb Kaltenbach
Messy Grace (Part 3) - Kaleb Kaltenbach

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  

References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.

Loving My Gay Parents

Guest:                         Caleb Kaltenbach                            

From the series:       Messy Grace (Day 1 of 3)

Bob: Caleb Kaltenbach’s parents divorced when he was young. His mom came out as a lesbian; his dad came out as a gay man. That gave Caleb a unique perspective on life. 

Caleb: I remember marching in a Gay Pride parade one time and seeing all these—I’ll use quotations, “Christians”—holding up signs, saying, “God hates you!” I remember that so vividly, almost as if it happened yesterday. I remember looking at my mom, looking at her in the eye, and saying, “Mom, why are they acting like this?” I was about nine or ten—somewhere around there. She looked at me and she said, “Well, Caleb, they’re Christians; and Christians hate gay people.” 

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, July 2nd. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. Caleb Kaltenbach grew up in what I think we’d all agree was a somewhat messy family situation. He had to learn, eventually, how to apply what he calls “messy grace.” Stay with us. 

1:00

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, every family is messy at some level; right? But there are—

Dennis: No doubt. I was just withholding the answer there because—

Bob: It’s self-evident; isn’t it?

Dennis: Wow! I mean, you get six children, two imperfect parents; I mean, what are you going to get? You’re going to get some—some messiness. This is where I think the Bible has all kinds of relevance, because it’s about messy people. It’s about imperfect people / imperfect stories and how God, in His sovereign majesty, works out a story that honors Him. 

Bob: Yes; I love what Matt Chandler says— 

2:00

—he says, “It’s okay not to be okay; it’s just not okay to stay there.” [Laughter] That’s what the story of redemption’s all about!

Dennis: Well, we have a guest with us today who has quite a story. Now, I just want you to know—as a listener, I don’t know what you’re doing; but set it aside—because what you’re going to hear is going to be riveting—I am confident of that. He has written a book called Messy Grace, and it is subtitled: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction. Now, that is a mouthful!

Bob: Yes.

Dennis: We have with us Caleb Kaltenbach. Welcome to the broadcast.

Caleb: It’s great to be here. Thank you for having me.

Dennis: Caleb, this lead line over the title of your book, How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others—wow! Take us back to the home you grew up in. I mean, I’ve heard a lot of stories; but I’m not sure I’ve heard one about a pastor who came from that kind of background.

3:00

Caleb: I was raised in Columbia, Missouri, and Kansas City—actually, I started out in Columbia. Both my parents were professors at the University of Missouri-Columbia and at local schools there—taught subjects like philosophy, law, rhetoric, and English literature. When I was two, they got a divorce; and both of them entered into same-sex relationships. 

My mom went into a 22-year-long monogamous relationship with her partner, Vera—she was a psychologist. Now, my dad on the other hand—he had several different relationships. He never had one relationship that lasted. I actually—I didn’t even know about my dad until I got to be college-age—maybe just graduated from college—but I kind of always had my suspicions; I don’t know. But I was raised by three gay parents. 

Bob: This is at a time that is unlike today, when these relationships tended to be more closeted. Were your parents “out” about their sexual preference?

Caleb: My dad was in the closet. My mom and her partner, as I said—they did go to Kansas City. 

4:00

They were very loud and proud, and very out. They were on the board of directors for the Kansas City chapter of GLAD. They were activists. They took me with them to Gay Pride parades, and bars, and clubs when I was preschool age/elementary age. I remember going with them to activist events. I remember marching in a Gay Pride parade one time and seeing all these—I’ll use quotations, “Christians”—holding up signs, saying, “God hates you!” If that wasn’t offensive enough, they were spraying people with water and urine at one of the particular parades.

Dennis: Oh! 

Bob: Oh!

Caleb: I remember that so vividly, almost as if it happened yesterday. I remember just, right now to this day, I remember looking at my mom, looking at her in the eye, and saying, “Mom, why are they acting like this?” I was about nine or ten—somewhere around there. She looked at me and she said, “Well, Caleb, they’re Christians; and Christians hate gay people.”  

That stuck with me. My whole childhood, I was raised to believe that. 

5:00

I saw that when AIDS was developing in America and spreading, and we were learning more about it. Many of my mom’s friends contracted it. I remember one man, named Louis, who was a young man—his family was Christian. They already didn’t accept him, because he was in a same-sex relationship. When he got AIDS, they really didn’t want to have anything to do with him. We went and visited him in a hospital one time.

Dennis: Yes; you describe a scene in your book that is pretty—

Caleb: Right.

Dennis: —pretty amazing. 

Caleb: Yes; and the most disturbing thing was—obviously, it’s disturbing to see somebody die from AIDS, if you’ve ever seen that—but seeing his family being so nonchalant, while they were reading their Bibles, lined up against the wall, like they were waiting for a firing squad to co...

Messy Grace (Part 1) - Kaleb Kaltenbach
Messy Grace (Part 2) - Kaleb Kaltenbach
Messy Grace (Part 3) - Kaleb Kaltenbach

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript  

References to conferences, resources, or other special promotions may be obsolete.

Embracing the Truth

Guest:                         Caleb Kaltenbach                            

From the series:       Messy Grace (Day 2 of 3) 

Bob: How ought we live, as followers of Jesus, in a culture that is moving away from a biblical foundation for life? Caleb Kaltenbach says Jesus demonstrated what life looks like, full of grace and truth.

Caleb: I think another way to say it is that there is a big difference between acceptance and approval. I think that we have to understand that, not just with the LGBT community, but we are moving into a culture where people go with whatever they want to do. There are going to be new things that come out that just really scare Christians, and we don’t know how to handle it. We think: “Okay; do I keep my relationship with this person? Do I not?” 

It’s not just the LGBT issue; there are so many issues that are going to come down the pipeline. We have to understand that we are missionaries, and there is a difference between acceptance and approval; and there’s a tension between grace and truth.

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, July 3rd. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. 

1:00

If you’ve found that life is getting harder to navigate, as a follower of Christ, we’ll see if we can help with some directions today. Stay with us.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. You know, years ago, there was a lot of controversy around a children’s book that had found its way into libraries. I think it was called Heather Has Two Mommies. It was a children’s book designed to provide a picture of normalization for a child who might be growing up in a household where there were two mommies or two daddies, trying to present that as maybe a new normal.

We have somebody with us today for whom that was the normal, growing up in a home with two mommies part of the time and with a bachelor dad the other part of the time.

Dennis: Yes; and Caleb, I just want to say, “Thanks for being on our broadcast and sharing your story.” 

2:00

Caleb Kaltenbach joins us again on FamilyLife Today. Caleb, welcome back.

Caleb: It’s great to be back.

Dennis: He’s written a book called Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction. The reason I just appreciate you being on the show, talking about this, is I think there are a lot of people, like me, who may not have a lot of gay friends; or if we do, we don’t know it. We need coaching / we need understanding. We need someone to take us near and begin the journey for us. I feel like your book did that for me. I really liked being able to peer into your family, where you were raised by two moms and your dad, who later came out as a homosexual as well. You were raised in the midst of no faith / no Christian worldview.

I think we’re clueless!

3:00

Really, the Christian community’s not really wise about who our audience is, and where they are, and where they aren’t.

Caleb: No; absolutely. I think that we have come to a point in our nation where we have to realize that we are the away team. We are not the home team anymore. We realize that more than ever at our church. We firmly believe in the inerrancy of Scripture / we believe in God’s sovereignty—we believe in all these things—but we’re all very intentional in being missionaries in our context / missionaries in Southern California and understanding, as we talked about earlier, that not everybody is at the same point in the spiritual journey. 

We just surveyed our church three weeks ago and found out that 42 percent of our attendants, on any given Sunday, is unchurched—meaning that we’re the first church they’ve been to or they haven’t been since they were a kid—because we’re so intentional about going after the lost sheep that Jesus talks about in Luke 15:1-7. But we do that without compromising the gospel and the message; because we have to learn where we are, and we have to understand— 

4:00

—I think, specifically with this issue, or any other issue that we’re dealing with—that there’s a huge tension between grace and truth. 

I think another way to say it is that there is a big difference between acceptance and approval. I think that we have to understand that, not just with the LGBT community, but we are moving into a culture where people go with whatever they want to do. There are going to be new things that come out that just really scare Christians, and we don’t know how to handle it. We think: “Okay; do I keep my relationship with this person? Do I not?” 

It’s not just the LGBT issue; there are so many issues that are going to come down the pipeline. We have to understand that we are missionaries, and there is a difference between acceptance and approval; and there is a tension between grace and truth.

Bob: You’ve already shared with us that your impression of Christians, growing up, was that they were bigoted/hateful. When you were with your mom, Christians would mock, and would shout, and would be hateful toward your mom. 

5:00

Less so with your dad, because he wasn’t out of the closet at this point; but your dominant thought was, “Christians are just not worth much.” You wound up at a Bible study in high school, and you went into that Bible study with the intent of wanting to undermine everything that was being taught there. Over time, something shifted in your heart and your thinking.

Caleb: Yes; because I saw that Jesus was not representative of how people on the street corners were acting. I think today we would say Jesus is not representative of how some Christians act on Facebook®, social media, or Twitter®, Snapchat, Periscope, or whatever—that Jesus is not reflective of that.

When I think about the people who are on the street corners, I think to myself, “What about what Paul said in Romans 2:4, when he says, ‘Don’t you know that it is the kindness of God that leads to repentance?’ What about what Paul said in 

Romans 12:18: ‘Live at peace with everyone’?” That doesn’t mean that we agree with...