Gabby gets engaged to a teenager. Lynette catches her FIL in an affair. Bree wants to sleep around. Susan has another public fight.

Susan gets splashed with a dead woman's ashes. Lynette is giving Boomer energy. Bree sends another man to the hospital. Gabby is deceived by Carlos.

Lynette finds out Tom is a sleaze. Susan loves Mike. Bree is anal retentive, not affectionate. Gabby gets a job.

Omg Lynette somehow surpasses Susan in annoying me this week. Julie let's Susan know she is a terrible mother (finally someone said it). Bree discovers Rex's dirty secret. Gabby moves some furniture. Like that is literally all she did this episode.

Bree gives Rex a golden shower. Susan gets beat up. Lynette goes poaching. Gabby confesses to her affair.

Someone dies! Susan acts like an absolute idiot. Lynette has a mental break down, Gabby is not negotiating her uterus, Bree is raising a sociopath.

Martha is BACK! Are Susan and Mike ever going on a fucking date?! Bree covers up a hit and run, Lynette steals medication from a child. Gabby and John are caught in the act,

Bree lets a leaky burrito ruin her marriage. Susan stalks Paul. Gabby tricks her mother in law. Lynette get hooked on drugs.

Mike has been a bad boy. Carlos' mom comes to cock block Gabby. Susan doesn't understand boundaries. Lynette takes advantage of her friend. Bree makes dinner for a psychopath.

Susan has her daughter commit a crime, Bree visits a strip club, Gabby almost gets caught with her teenage gardener AGAIN, Lynette gets drunk instead of medicating her kids.