Difficult Damsels

Ruthless and calculating, Zumurrud Khatan was another unique woman of the Crusader era that rose to power in the city of Damascus as the men around her perished. Amidst a chaotic environment where assassination attempts were just another Tuesday and bad blood led to intrigue and infighting, Zumurrud brought stability to Medieval Damascus with her own cutthroat method of dealing with her sadistic, unhinged eldest son.

Special note: you’ll have to forgive the awkward microphone feedback in this episode! We were using a backup and it definitely shows.

Younger sister to the formidable and dominating Queen Melisende of Jerusalem, Alice is often overlooked in the pages of history.

Alice was everything the Medieval chroniclers vilified in a woman: ambitious, hotheaded and rebellious in spirit. Obviously we love her for it! Married to the prince of Antioch at sixteen and widowed by twenty, Alice was determined to capitalize on the unique opportunity that presented itself to her: she would rule Antioch independently in her young daughter’s name. To do so would have her challenge the very fabric of patriarchy that Medieval Feudalism was built upon.

During Alice’s quest for independence, she’ll openly rebel against her father, flirt recklessly with the enemy, and accept a marriage proposal that seems too good to be true (spoiler alert: it is!).

You may be thinking we’ve already heard this story before, but not like this. Eleanor of Aquitaine was one of the most notorious women in history, and her story was so insane that we decided we had to tell it twice. Join us for Eleanor of Aquitaine: the early years. Duchess by the age of thirteen, Queen by fifteen and Crusader by twenty-five, Eleanor was a woman that defied all convention and determined to have her name etched in the history books right from the start.

In this episode we revisit her story and follow Eleanor as she blazed a trail of scandal and infamy from Paris to the Holy Lands. We bring you Eleanor of Aquitaine The (possibly bare-breasted; definitely armored) Crusader Queen of France and her scandalous (or not) relationship with Uncle Raymond and her useless husband Louis *ahem* King Louis VII of France.

Following the untimely death of her husband, Melisende found herself in a unique position of power independent of any man’s influence. But of course it didn’t last for long. When Melisende’s son, Baldwin III, came of age, he decided he was not content to Co-Rule Jerusalem with his formidable and overbearing mother. Turns out the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree and her son attempted to set her aside just as his father had, this time by force. Melisende was not a woman easily sidelined though, and even after settling into the more traditional role of Queen Mother she still remained an influential figure of the Medieval era right up to her death.

In the conclusion to Melisende’s story, we discuss the fall of Edessa and the start of the Second Crusade, silly laurel crowns, and unsolicited mansplaining from obnoxious priests. Yay misogyny! Stick around to the end you can find out if Kat is a King, a Soldier or a Poet.

Melisende would go on to become one of the most powerful and formidable Queens of the Medieval era. The eldest of four daughters with no brothers in sight, Melisende’s father did the unthinkable: he named her as heir and then actually trained her to rule. Melisende’s rise to power has some familiar tropes: a husband that schemed to exclude her from power (he failed miserably), a potential lover that schemed to usurp the throne in her name (he failed miserably) and way too many men named Baldwin.

In a world that would do anything in its power to keep women from attaining any power of their own, Melisende refused to be set aside. And even her husband learned to keep a weapon on him at all times in her presence in a tale that reminds us . . . happy wife = happy life.

Aries chaos faces off against Virgo scrupulousness in this “relaxed” episode. WE HAVE THE NOTES!

Rachel and Kat discuss their favorite goddesses and the nuance of light and darkness and why we love these nocturnal/darker goddesses.

Stay tuned for an original goddess story from Rachel and what to expect if Kat ever ascends into godhood.

They say that behind every great man is an even greater woman, and Alexander the Great’s mother was no exception. Like all fun historical characters from Ancient Greece, Olympias claimed descent from the Gods and was determined to forge a legacy for her son worthy of his heritage. But her story is a worthy tale completely on its own.

From bewitching the King of Macedonia in a mysterious cult initiation ceremony, to bedding snakes and poisoning rivals to her son’s position in the line of succession, Olympias is the ultimate femme fatale. She was as cunning as she was ruthless, and as clever as she was bold. This story has all the elements of a classic difficult damsels tale: incest, betrayal and murder.

And also way too many people with the same name to make things all the more confusing.

"There were once women in Denmark who dressed themselves to look like men and spent almost every minute cultivating soldiers' skills; they did not want the sinews of their valour to lose tautness and be infected by self-indulgence . . . As if they were forgetful of their true selves they put toughness before allure, aimed at conflicts instead of kisses, tasted blood, not lips, sought the clash of arms rather than the arm's embrace, fitted to weapons hands which should have been weaving, desired not the couch but the kill, and those they could have appeased with looks they attacked with lances."

In this reverse damsel episode, Kat and Rachel discuss the Viking Age, Valkyries, and famous Shieldmaidens, Lagertha and Freydis Eiríksdóttir.

Strange things were said to happen around Darya Saltykova’s estate. Tales of torture and abuse slowly trickled out of the Russian noblewoman’s lands where screams were said to be heard long into the night and young girls were said to disappear. In a tale reminiscent of the Hungarian Blood Countess, Elizabeth Bathory some 200 years earlier, comes a tale of a woman with ties to the highest echelon of Russian nobility, even as high as the Imperial Court.

Darya Saltykova’s is a tale of a scorned woman turned raging maniac, who targeted young female serfs with her rage and aggression. But it wasn’t this torture and brutality that lead to the Blood Countess being tried for her crimes. It was the fact that she crossed the Russian nobility’s line of though shalt not kill, only punish by maiming. When all was said and done, as many as 130 deaths were attributed to Darya’s rage.

Also in this spoooky season episode, AllieCat makes another appearance and Kat and Rachel run through a sort of rapid fire round of spoooky questions!

When Elizabeth first came to the English throne, no one believed a woman could rule on her own without a husband to guide her. Queen Elizabeth proved time and again that she would always be the exception to the preposterous rule, much to the chagrin of those who wished to see her fail. The final years of her long reign saw an end to the Mary, Queen of Scots debacle, the defeat of the Spanish Armada (thank you Protestant Winds!), and more conspiracies from scheming nobles.

In the conclusion to our four-part series, we learn what it is to be a queen. Elizabeth became master of her own legacy with the help of trusted advisors. She had, in her own words, “the feeble body of a woman but the heart of a King”. But we know she had the clever and sharp intellect of a woman, and the tenacity of a Difficult Damsel and Queen.