Difficult Damsels

It is said that Catherine de’ Medici had dreams that came true and there was one in particular that haunted her throughout her family’s reign over the French Kingdom. In the final episode of our four-part series, Rachel and Kat discuss the fall of the Valois dynasty, thus fulfilling the prophetic dream Catherine fought so hard to prevent.

But before the fall, we have more family drama, more awkward carriage rides following failed attempted coups and more people ignoring warnings about attempted assassinations. *Spoiler alert: everyone dies in the end (sort of)* But the legacy of Catherine de’ Medici survives and history remembers her as being one of the most complex and complicated female leaders to have ever existed. Some of her legacy is good; a lot of it is bad; but none of it is boring.

Every villain has an origin story and this is where the Wicked and Evil Italian Queen is made:

Catherine de Medici’s evolution from powerless pawn and scorned wife to master manipulator and Regent of France beside her son, King Charles, has been rife with religious unrest. The French Wars of Religion between the Catholics and the Huguenots has ramped up and, even with a union of Protestant and Catholic royalty on the horizon, Catherine’s own precarious strategizing will inevitably be her downfall and spark the flames that will forever tarnish Catherine’s good name.

Warning: this episode gets dark and terrible and, while we don’t go into specific detail, we recommend you have a happy song/movie/podcast queued up and ready to go for after you’ve listened to Part III of Catherine de Medici. Rachel and I suggest the movie, Anastasia.

The saga of Catherine de Medici continues with the death of Francis I and the ascension of Henry II and Catherine to King and Queen of France. Sidelined once again while her husband’s focus remained on his mistress, Diane de Poitier and the overly ambitious Guise family her father-in-law warned him about, Catherine could do little but sit quietly and bide her time. After a series of unfortunate events and more of Henry ignoring the sage advice of those around him, Catherine was left widowed and fighting to defend the legacy of her children.

Join us as we track Catherine de Medici’s evolution from powerless pawn and scorned wife to master manipulator. We also discuss the epic prophetic death of Henry II (yes, it really happened!), tease the origins of Mary, Queen of Scots, and lay the ground work for the French Wars of Religion to come.

Orphaned at just 21 days old, Catherine de Medici’s early life was every bit the storybook damsel tale. As the pawn of a wealthy Italian merchant family, she set off from Italy to marry her young husband, the future King Henry II of France. This strictly political match was intended to tie the Papacy in Rome and the wealth of the Medici family to the noble blood of France. But, thanks to a series of unfortunate events, Catherine suddenly found herself penniless and friendless in a foreign court. The origin story of France’s most cunning Renaissance Queen has it all: tragic childhoods, obnoxious French names, outrageous pageantry, uncomfortable mistress drama and a duck measuring contest of epic proportions.

In this relaxed episode we drink champagne, eat Dill Pickle Kettle Chips and chat about our love for Dune and a new dawn of fantasy and sci-fi in film and television. Come get nerdy with us in the new year. We may just throw in some Therapy Treehouse sessions in for you free of charge as well!

In the 3rd century BCE, aggressive expansionism is the game. Rome defeats Carthage in the First Punic War, the Gauls are pushing further into new territories while actively avoiding the Greeks and the Ardiaei of Illyria are at the height of their power under the rule of their king, Agron.

When King Agron dies, his wife Teuta picks up the mantel of her late husband’s expansionism. While her naval forces push to unify the Illyrian tribes along the Adriatic’s eastern coast, Illyrian pirates – well-known and feared for their plundering of merchant ships – are encouraged by their queen regent to antagonize Mediterranean trade routes.

Illyrian pirating soon garners the unwanted attention of the growing Roman Republic. After much merchant whining, Rome sends an envoy to warn against any continuation of Teuta’s disruptive naval campaigns and Illyrian piracy within Roman trade routes. Teuta, in a display of cautious diplomacy, replies “she would see to it that Rome suffered no public wrong from Illyria, but that, as for private wrongs, it was contrary to the custom of the Illyrian kings to hinder their subjects from winning booty from the sea”, thus beginning the First Illyrian War with Rome.

Continuing with our theme of pirate queens, we take you back to the early 16th century in Northern Africa where we take a closer look at the life and reign of Sayyida al Hurra, the last woman in Islamic history to hold the title al-Hurra or Queen.

After fleeing the Reconquista in Spain, Sayyida’s family would settle in Northern Africa as refugees. As they worked to unite their fellow refugees to create a unified Morocco, an informal navy of privateers assembled to serve up revenge against the Spanish and Portuguese forces that drove them out of their homeland. And Sayyida al-Hurra is the driving force behind this battle for control over Morocco and the Strait of Gebraltar.

Ching Shih, who lived and pillaged in the China Sea during the Qing Dynasty, has been called the most successful pirate in history (No, seriously! Google it!).

A former prostitute from a floating brothel in the city of Canton, Ching Shih wed Cheng I, a fearsome pirate by family trade, and together they worked to unify the pirate bands against the Chinese and Portuguese Navy. At the height of her pirating days, Ching Shih commanded over 1,800 pirate ships, and an estimated 80,000 men – more than the famed Blackbeard within the same century.

Embarrassing defeats for the Chinese Naval Armada, awkward possible ménage à trois with husband and kidnapped/adopted son, and one badass shrewd woman at the helm . . . this episode has it all!

In a very special spooooky 2-for-1 Samhain episode, Rachel and Kat – along with a special guest – introduce two of history’s deadliest poisoners.

Operating in the 17th century, Guilia Tofana and La Voisin had the men of Italy and France glancing over their shoulders and terrified of their soup (and the perfume!). Whether it was offering disenfranchised women an escape from their abusive marriages or providing noblewomen alternative means to secure an inheritance, both women created an elaborate underground network that involved the mass production and distribution of poisons.

Also in this episode: we’ll teach you how to sniff out poison-laced cosmetics (Just kidding! They are odorless!), mourn convincingly when your husband dies of a “mysterious illness” and maybe even bewitch a King of France.

**Disclaimer: This episode gets a little dark during the La Voisin episode and makes mention of infant mortality.**

If ever there was a woman you did NOT want to mess with during the Medieval Ages, it was Olga of Kiev.

Venerated as a saint within the Russian Orthodox Church and recalled as a vengeful and deadly Viking Princess by ancient Russian and Slavic chroniclers, the story of Olga has perplexed historians for over 1000 years. Was she a sinner or a saint? A clever strategist amidst the chessboard of Kievan Rus politics or a blood thirsty heathen without scruples, hellbent on avenging her brutally murdered husband?

Hint: she was both. Olga of Kiev was not the sort of woman to be underestimated. And for the love of whatever gods you hold dear, do NOT ask for her hand in marriage. Or you’re going to have a bad time.

**No sparrows or pigeons were harmed in the recording of this podcast.**