Digging Through Dominoes

Digging Through Dominoes

By Teri AndersonSociety & CultureHealth & FitnessMental HealthEducationSelf-ImprovementPersonal Journals
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Digging Through Dominoes episodes

  • How I Traumatized My Kids By Trying Not To Do What Happened To Me.

    I Traumatized My Kids By Trying Not To Do What Was Done To Me.

    Trauma, especially CPTSD, is a journey of many discoveries. I thought they would mostly be about what happened to me.

    It turns out I discovered how I traumatized my kids by trying to do the right thing. 

    Digging Through Dominoes website (audio): https://diggingthroughdominoes.podbean.com/

    Apple Podcast: ttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digging-through-dominoes/id1619200152?i=1000557547966

    Spotify:

    https://open.spotify.com/show/69onD9bgg30EYvixz8DJFz?si=086dc9095e664d3b

    iHeart

    https://www.iheart.com/podcast/338-digging-through-dominoes-95565843/

    Google Podcasts:

    https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2RpZ2dpbmd0aHJvdWdoZG9taW5vZXMvZmVlZC54bWw

    Amazon Music/Audible:

    https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/ff3b62d1-4acb-4a3d-8bd8-89f5aba3ace6

    Player FM:

    https://player.fm/series/digging-through-dominoes

    You can use this RSS feed in other Podcast platforms: https://feed.podbean.com/diggingthroughdominoes/feed.xml

    YouTube main Channel URL for Podcast playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE4W_QJYGZH7d2wyB-0gDe5fAjI2cSi4J

    Digging Through Dominoes Youtube Video Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A3V8sW0X5c1QZGqQfBqXw

    Digging Through Dominoes Social Media:

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DiggingThroughDominoes

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diggingthroughdominoes/
    Twitter: @DiggingDominoes

     teri anderson 

    stop the stigma 
    mental health awareness 
    dysregulation 
    bessel van der kolk

    55 min
  • What’s Your Trauma Response? Episode13

    What is your trauma response? Fight? Flight? Freeze? Fawn?

    What are trauma responses and how do we figure out what ours is? How are they made? What can we do about them?

    Adverse childhood experiences, abuse, neglect, and traumas train our brain from pre verbal ages to the time our personality is set.

    Our entire lives are being affected by hidden traumas, remembered traumas, and a myriad of other not so good for us experiences.

    It's not to late to have a better future!

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

    54 min
  • The Four F Responses

    This is the introductory episode for thee full episode that will publish June 29, at 5AM.

    Sometimes life gets in the way of things and it has been doing that for the last couple of weeks.

    This mini episode explains a bit of that and some of the foundation for healthy 4 F responses.

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

    Digging Through Dominoes website (audio): https://diggingthroughdominoes.podbean.com/

    Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digging-through-dominoes/id1619200152?i=1000557547966

    Spotify:

    https://open.spotify.com/show/69onD9bgg30EYvixz8DJFz?si=086dc9095e664d3b


    iHeart
    https://www.iheart.com/podcast/338-digging-through-dominoes-95565843/

    Google Podcasts:

    https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2RpZ2dpbmd0aHJvdWdoZG9taW5vZXMvZmVlZC54bWw

    Amazon Music/Audible:

    https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/ff3b62d1-4acb-4a3d-8bd8-89f5aba3ace6

    Player FM:

    https://player.fm/series/digging-through-dominoes

    You can use this RSS feed in other Podcast platforms: https://feed.podbean.com/diggingthroughdominoes/feed.xml

    YouTube main Channel URL for Podcast playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE4W_QJYGZH7d2wyB-0gDe5fAjI2cSi4J

    Digging Through Dominoes Youtube Video Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A3V8sW0X5c1QZGqQfBqXw

    Digging Through Dominoes Social Media:

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DiggingThroughDominoes

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diggingthroughdominoes/
    Twitter: @DiggingDominoes 

    email Teri at [email protected]

     https://www.facebook.com/groups/tattooedbikerchicks.bikersforbikers 

    YouTube:

    https://youtube.com/c/TeriAnderson

    Facebook

    https://www.facebook.com/thetattooedbikerchick

    https://www.facebook.com/BohemianReflection

    https://www.thetattooedbikerchick.com/


    InstaGram: 

    https://www.instagram.com/thetattooedbikerchick/

    https://www.instagram.com/bohemian_reflection/ 

    Snapchat: @inkedbikerchick

    Redbubble: BohoReflection.redbubble.com

    Peloton: #TeriAnderson

     

    Teri Anderson

     trauma awareness 
    reparenting 
    post traumatic growth
     the fawn response 
    fawning trauma response 
    trauma response fawning 
    fawn trauma response
     complex ptsd

    7 min
  • Emotional Flashbacks With C-PTSD EPISODE 11

    I had no idea what an emotional flashback was, much less how to manage them.

    I now realize the most difficult times of my adult life have been filled with emotional flashbacks and just how they were controlling my life.

    Listen along as I explain what emotional flashbacks are and how I am now learning to manage them.

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

     

    47 min
  • Episode 10 - The Signs Your Body Is Telling You It’s Time To Take Care Of Yourself

    A vital part of staying on top of recovering from trauma is knowing what the signs are that it's time to take care of you.

    Self care is something we sometimes think can be put off. As soon as you recognize your triggers and you feel you're about to spiral, taking care of yourself is your top priority, 

    We were neglected and abandoned as children so it's natural to think we don't matter. However, it's imperative we get to know ourselves and listen to the signs of your inner child crying for help. 

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

    Teri Anderson

    trauma care 
    childhood trauma 
    recognizing signs 
    heal yourself
    childhood trauma
    adverse childhood experiences
    reparenting 
    mental health 
    awareness risk factors 
    ptsd 
    abandonment issues
    mental health awareness
    Digging Through Dominoes

     


    0:00
    hello everyone and welcome back to
    0:02
    digging through dominoes where we
    0:05
    examine the dominoes in our past
    0:09
    so we can change the game of our future
    0:16
    welcome to digging through dominoes a
    0:19
    podcast that looks at mental physical
    0:22
    and emotional trauma through real and
    0:24
    inspiring conversations
    0:27
    this is your safe haven that welcomes
    0:29
    you in but also isn't afraid to talk
    0:32
    about what hurts the most
    0:34
    and now here's your host teri anderson
    0:42
    today's episode's gonna be shorter than
    0:45
    the others because
    0:46
    i'm not doing so great
    0:48
    i've got some things
    0:50
    shingles internal shingles what the heck
    0:53
    who ever thought about something like
    0:54
    that
    0:55
    not feeling so good plus
    0:59
    therapy last week i have therapy every
    1:02
    friday
    1:03
    every friday for years
    1:07
    and i love my therapist
    1:09
    i think a lot of people shy away from
    1:11
    therapy because they cannot find a
    1:14
    therapist that they can connect to and
    1:16
    that happened to me it took me years to
    1:20
    find the right therapist
    1:21
    and the right psychiatrist and i
    1:25
    you know i've got a team you know the
    1:28
    three of us we really work at this hard
    1:30
    we work at keeping me healthy
    1:33
    and
    1:34
    above above the surface of the water
    1:36
    when there are a lot of times that i
    1:38
    wanted to be nothing but below the
    1:40
    surface of the water
    1:42
    well this week in therapy we talked
    1:44
    about some things that brought some
    1:45
    things up emotionally for me
    1:48
    that really
    1:51
    are affecting me
    1:53
    and you know i want to be really blatant
    1:54
    really transparent really clear with
    1:56
    everyone
    1:58
    i am still very affected by the things
    2:01
    that happened to me when i was a kid and
    2:03
    i'm going to tell you about some of that
    2:05
    but it
    2:06
    with the forewarning that this is going
    2:08
    to be a shorter episode this week
    2:11
    for that very reason i'm trying to still
    2:14
    work through these things and on the
    2:16
    surface they may not seem that
    2:25
    crucial
    2:26
    but to me what it did it brought back
    2:30
    those feelings i had in full
    2:34
    force
    2:36
    we were talking about the death
    2:40
    of the one person in my life
    2:43
    i knew loved me
    2:45
    beyond
    2:46
    measure
    2:49
    that was my grandmother
    2:51
    i mean i want you to picture this okay
    2:54
    here i am this this little kid i was
    2:57
    probably
    2:58
    four or five years old
    3:01
    my grandmother
    3:03
    had a farm
    3:04
    that she rented out
    3:06
    she was very cosmopolitan very chic and
    3:09
    you know way cool
    3:12
    she was born on the farm she hated it
    3:14
    she was always embarrassed that she was
    3:17
    had been born on a farm and she didn't
    3:18
    have shoes and she didn't have a horse
    3:20
    to ride to school that she had to ride
    3:23
    to school on a mule
    3:25
    so she really pushed and pushed and she
    3:28
    got herself out of that town but she
    3:31
    kept that farm
    3:33
    and we were at the farm one time i don't
    3:36
    know doing farm business or whatever she
    3:38
    took me with her
    3:40
    a lot
    3:41
    and there was i don't remember what it
    3:43
    was called it was sort of like a
    3:45
    reservoir
    3:46
    it was like
    3:48
    you know the beverly hillbillies they
    3:49
    call the swimming pool the concrete pond
    3:51
    well this to the best of my recollection
    3:54
    it was a
    3:56
    a concrete
    3:58
    pond but it was above ground i don't
    4:00
    know i don't know how big it was it had
    4:02
    some fish in it and there was one
    4:04
    particular fish i wanted
    4:08
    and i'm watching this woman dress to the
    4:10
    nines
    4:12
    take her shoes off roll her pants up
    4:15
    climb into that reservoir whatever it
    4:18
    was to catch the only fish i wanted i
    4:22
    didn't want any other fish i wanted that
    4:24
    one blue fish
    4:26
    and i'm watching her with a jar
    4:29
    walk around
    4:31
    trying to catch that damn fish
    4:34
    if that doesn't say i love you
    4:39
    and i
    4:40
    want you to know i love you
    4:43
    i don't know what does
    4:46
    but she did it
    4:48
    my parents never would have done that
    4:50
    never never never
    4:54
    but we were talking about her and the
    4:56
    things that she had done that really
    4:58
    made me feel wanted accepted
    5:03
    and
    5:05
    cherished
    5:08
    and then what her death did to me
    5:13
    being the age i was i was almost 16
    5:16
    years old i had had
    5:18
    i was blessed i had a much longer time
    5:20
    with my grandmother than my my cousins
    5:23
    did
    5:25
    and i was also the first grandchild
    5:28
    for i was a girl
    5:30
    first grandchild and therefore i held
    5:34
    the crown
    5:36
    in the
    5:39
    grandchild arena according to my
    5:42
    grandmother
    5:44
    and
    5:45
    i have to say that my aunts
    5:48
    i think they gave me a little bit of
    5:50
    grace in that i think
    5:53
    with me i would have a little bit of
    5:54
    trouble with my p with my mother
    5:58
    indulging one grandchild over another
    6:01
    but i think they may have had a little
    6:02
    grace with me
    6:04
    because they did see
    6:06
    what i went through with my parents
    6:10
    being you know almost 16 there are some
    6:12
    things that they told me there were a
    6:14
    lot of things that they didn't tell me
    6:18
    we did some wonderful wonderful things
    6:21
    before she died and when she died
    6:24
    it was the strangest thing
    6:26
    i was
    6:28
    i was in bed i was asleep and my mother
    6:31
    came into my room and woke me up
    6:36
    and
    6:38
    she said terry deena just died
    6:41
    i said i know
    6:44
    and my mother just collapsed crying on
    6:46
    me
    6:48
    which was for me very uncomfortable and
    6:50
    very unusual because my mother my
    6:52
    parents did not touch me they did not
    6:56
    hug me and i can remember looking back
    6:58
    at
    7:00
    christmas photos
    7:03
    with my mother and her sisters and their
    7:04
    families and we always get a picture
    7:06
    every
    7:07
    every christmas
    7:09
    and
    7:10
    in my aunt's families they're laying on
    7:12
    each other they're hugging each other
    7:14
    they're
    7:14
    you know being all lovey-dovey
    7:18
    but in the fan the pictures with my
    7:20
    family
    7:21
    we were about six inches apart
    7:23
    everyone's arms were crossed and no one
    7:25
    was touching
    7:27
    that i think was the first time i
    7:29
    realized there was a real legitimate
    7:32
    problem with my family
    7:34
    and i don't know how i got off on that
    7:35
    track talking i guess because i didn't
    7:37
    want to really
    7:38
    have to talk about the death of my
    7:40
    grandmother
    7:42
    but my mother came in and she said terry
    7:44
    had her dina had died
    7:47
    and i knew
    7:48
    because i had just had a dream
    7:51
    if you could call it a dream or was it
    7:53
    not a dream did i actually travel there
    7:55
    did she beckon me to her
    7:58
    in her final moments
    8:00
    i remember being in the bedroom that she
    8:03
    was in
    8:04
    and we were talking i had been out and
    8:07
    bought a dress that day for a school
    8:09
    dance
    8:10
    and there was a sandstorm which was very
    8:12
    unusual in dfw
    8:14
    but back on the farm it wasn't unusual
    8:17
    at all they were all the time
    8:20
    and i remember telling her we talked for
    8:22
    a bit she told me how much she loved me
    8:25
    i was telling her you know she asked me
    8:27
    about my day i told her about the
    8:30
    sandstorm it was just like the
    8:31
    sandstorms back in big spring and it
    8:34
    hurt it would sting your legs when you
    8:36
    would walk in it would sting your face
    8:38
    it was horrible
    8:40
    and i don't know how how long i i
    8:43
    felt i was there seems like i was there
    8:45
    long enough to have a pretty good
    8:47
    conversation with her and then
    8:50
    at one point she told me she loved me
    8:52
    again and she said you need to go now
    8:56
    because sandy will be here in a minute
    8:59
    sandy was my aunt and my grandmother was
    9:02
    at that time staying with my aunt
    9:07
    while she was sick
    9:09
    and the next thing i knew my mother was
    9:12
    tapping me on the shoulder telling me
    9:14
    that she had died and my answer to her
    9:16
    was i i know
    9:20
    i was telling this to my therapist and
    9:24
    we
    9:25
    or he asked me a question he said terry
    9:27
    how long did it take you
    9:29
    to really come to terms with the death
    9:31
    of your grandmother you speak about her
    9:33
    a lot
    9:36
    you you let me know she was really your
    9:38
    only
    9:39
    trusted caregiver besides your your
    9:42
    other aunts
    9:44
    how long did it take you to process her
    9:46
    death
    9:48
    and i sat back because that was a
    9:50
    question
    9:52
    i've thought of before
    9:54
    i know for about five or six years i
    9:57
    didn't think about it it was actually
    9:58
    seven years after she died and went to
    10:00
    the cemetery and i just fell apart
    10:03
    in the cemetery
    10:04
    on her grave and i spent the entire day
    10:07
    there
    10:09
    but i would
    10:12
    i told him something that i hadn't
    10:13
    really thought of before and that was
    10:17
    that i pretended that she wasn't dead
    10:20
    here i am almost 16 years old and i'm
    10:22
    saying
    10:24
    to myself you know logically i knew my
    10:26
    grandmother was dead i was at the
    10:28
    funeral i saw the whole thing i was
    10:29
    there i knew it but in my heart of
    10:32
    hearts
    10:35
    i
    10:36
    would tell myself she was going to
    10:38
    another country to get treatment
    10:41
    she was going to get well and she was
    10:43
    going to come back for me she wasn't
    10:45
    going to leave me
    10:47
    in this situation that i was in she was
    10:49
    going to surprise us all she was going
    10:51
    to come back her hair was going to be
    10:53
    back it was raven black
    10:56
    she was gorgeous
    10:59
    and she was going to be healthy and
    11:01
    whole and everything would be just like
    11:03
    it was when she was there
    11:06
    or at the times when i was with her
    11:09
    and i he said really you
    11:12
    you had this fantasy it was like yeah it
    11:14
    was really you know i thought about it a
    11:16
    lot i thought about it it seems like
    11:18
    almost every day
    11:20
    you know is she gonna come back today is
    11:22
    she gonna be
    11:23
    here today i wonder what country she's
    11:25
    in today i wonder what treatment she's
    11:27
    trying today
    11:28
    so i was really
    11:30
    trying to convince myself i guess that
    11:32
    my grandmother had not died
    11:36
    and
    11:37
    then he asked me if i had
    11:40
    ever had
    11:43
    any other
    11:45
    um similar situation
    11:48
    and i thought for a second i looked at
    11:51
    him
    11:52
    virtually
    11:54
    and said yeah
    11:56
    when i was a little girl
    11:59
    i had a pretend family
    12:02
    and i knew they were a pretend family it
    12:04
    wasn't like i was telling myself my
    12:07
    grandmother was coming
    12:08
    home but i kind of created my own family
    12:12
    where i was safe i had even a nanny
    12:16
    and her main job
    12:19
    was to make sure that no one
    12:22
    hurt me my mom and dad in that fantasy
    12:25
    world had hired her
    12:28
    basically for my protection and you know
    12:31
    when i look back at it now i almost
    12:33
    wonder if
    12:35
    it was my grandmother that i had in that
    12:37
    role
    12:39
    but i did i had this pretend
    12:43
    fantasy family
    12:45
    it was perfect i would do things with my
    12:47
    mom we would go places we would have
    12:50
    fun she would cook which she didn't cook
    12:54
    and she was teaching me these things
    12:58
    and my dad was always really my real dad
    13:01
    but he was home
    13:03
    he was always home he wasn't flying he
    13:06
    wasn't with other clients he was home
    13:09
    like the rest of the dads were
    13:11
    but i had a different mom and i had this
    13:14
    nanny and so we sort of talked through
    13:16
    that and that brought up this huge rush
    13:19
    of emotion
    13:20
    in just how abandoned i felt as a child
    13:26
    you know my parents made sure i had
    13:28
    everything i needed
    13:30
    and i know when i was little
    13:33
    and my dad was going to school and he
    13:35
    was doing these things my mother stayed
    13:37
    home with us
    13:38
    i know that my grandmother did pay for a
    13:41
    lot of things she paid for my dance
    13:43
    lesson she paid for my christmas present
    13:45
    she bought me clothes
    13:47
    she paid for a lot of things and
    13:50
    as my dad's career took off
    13:54
    they they did make sure that we had the
    13:56
    necessities that we needed but nothing
    13:59
    else
    14:02
    at least my mom my dad was gone mom came
    14:05
    home she'd go to bed she would close the
    14:07
    door she would lock us out
    14:09
    but in my pretend family that didn't
    14:12
    happen and you know
    14:14
    at the time that my mother went back to
    14:15
    work i was probably 12 years old maybe
    14:19
    13 years old
    14:21
    heck i could have been older than that
    14:23
    but i still had this pretend family
    14:25
    where i was protected and i would
    14:28
    retreat into that family
    14:32
    i wouldn't be hurt
    14:34
    i wouldn't be trying to get my mother's
    14:35
    attention that i was really there
    14:38
    we wouldn't get into fist fights
    14:41
    i mean my mother and i and i had some
    14:43
    very physical altercations when i was
    14:47
    young
    14:48
    and
    14:50
    i really don't know why i know
    14:53
    a lot of them i
    14:57
    had said something
    14:59
    about wanting to be with my aunt or
    15:02
    wanting to be with my grandmother or
    15:04
    when i was going to see them and i think
    15:06
    that set her off i think it provoked her
    15:10
    and
    15:12
    now looking back on it you know at 60 or
    15:15
    60 years old and seeing the trauma that
    15:17
    my mother had gone through
    15:20
    not having her mother there and then her
    15:23
    daughter is crying out for her sister
    15:26
    and her mother and not her
    15:28
    i think that
    15:30
    really
    15:32
    put more of a divide in there
    15:35
    and i take blame for that and i really
    15:37
    shouldn't
    15:38
    because i was young and those were the
    15:40
    only people that had protected me and if
    15:43
    i cried out for them
    15:46
    and was beaten like i was
    15:49
    or i wouldn't be spoken to
    15:52
    or i would have to stay in my room for
    15:54
    however many weeks it was
    15:57
    you know the only safe place to be was
    15:59
    in a fantasy world
    16:02
    and i think that i kept that fantasy
    16:04
    world up for quite some time
    16:07
    you know i know
    16:08
    until my
    16:10
    into my adulthood
    16:12
    on the outside i could be somebody
    16:14
    completely different
    16:16
    i was
    16:16
    i appeared confident and self-assured
    16:20
    but i wasn't i was scared i was scared i
    16:23
    was gonna lose something i was afraid
    16:26
    that i was gonna die in a car accident
    16:32
    i was afraid i had all of these fears
    16:37
    within me
    16:38
    but i was putting on this brave face
    16:41
    this different face
    16:44
    so no one could see how horrible i was
    16:47
    that my mother didn't love me the way
    16:50
    she loved my brothers
    16:52
    and
    16:54
    that i wasn't
    16:55
    so horrible that my dad chose a
    16:57
    profession
    16:59
    that would take him away from me all the
    17:01
    time
    17:03
    and i know that's not what happened i
    17:05
    know that's not why my dad decided to
    17:07
    become a pilot
    17:09
    he loved flying
    17:13
    but flying was really the other woman in
    17:16
    his life or was the woman in his life
    17:20
    flying took him away from my mother took
    17:22
    him away from us and my dad and i had
    17:25
    always been very close
    17:30
    as close as we could be i guess
    17:33
    it's really weird i just said that
    17:35
    and then i realized but wait a minute
    17:37
    terry your dad never hugged you your dad
    17:39
    never told you he loved you
    17:42
    but he showed me in ways he bought me
    17:44
    toys he made toys for us
    17:48
    he did things that he would interact
    17:51
    with us my mother would never
    17:53
    never do that
    17:56
    so
    17:56
    that's the way i knew my dad loved me
    18:00
    and what's really weird is i don't ever
    18:02
    really remember being hit by by my dad i
    18:04
    do by my mother and i know my brothers
    18:07
    were hit by my father because i
    18:09
    witnessed it and it scared me to death
    18:12
    to think that that could come toward me
    18:15
    and i always tried to be really good
    18:17
    when my dad was home because i didn't
    18:20
    want what i saw my brothers
    18:22
    get
    18:25
    but at the same time my gosh being so
    18:28
    lost
    18:29
    and
    18:31
    not realizing a lot of this until i was
    18:34
    about 58 years old is when i felt safe
    18:36
    enough to start letting this come out
    18:40
    that says a lot
    18:41
    that says how much damage and how much
    18:44
    fear was there
    18:47
    and to think of everything that i've
    18:49
    lost
    18:51
    because i imploded
    18:55
    in 2008 when my dad died or he died in
    18:58
    2007 my mother in 2006 2008 i fell apart
    19:03
    and i think i've told you that's because
    19:04
    i thought it was safe to do so then
    19:08
    and
    19:10
    i really
    19:13
    went to rock bottom
    19:16
    i had to rebuild every part of myself
    19:20
    and i don't think it was until the last
    19:22
    two years
    19:24
    you know 2020 2019 2020 that i really
    19:28
    made a lot of
    19:32
    connections
    19:34
    and realized
    19:36
    i wasn't the bad kid
    19:38
    my aunts were telling me i was a
    19:40
    delightful child my grandmother loved me
    19:44
    my dad started talking to me a whole lot
    19:46
    more after he died
    19:49
    about how important it was to let your
    19:51
    kids know they you loved them
    19:54
    and he you know he still he was still
    19:56
    very uncomfortable with with anything
    19:58
    like that he was
    19:59
    basically left in a playpen
    20:02
    um
    20:03
    all day long while his mother worked and
    20:05
    the neighbor would come up and feed and
    20:07
    change him
    20:09
    so my dad
    20:11
    had
    20:14
    my parents had traumas of their own to
    20:15
    deal with
    20:20
    and last friday talking to my i think
    20:23
    texas just came out of my mouth when i
    20:24
    said friday
    20:26
    talking to my therapist it
    20:29
    it's made for a really long really hard
    20:31
    weekend i've slept most of it i went to
    20:34
    a couple of
    20:38
    i went to see friends perform
    20:40
    they're jazz musicians
    20:42
    i went to you know some
    20:44
    a couple of things this weekend and it
    20:47
    helped but it it it really um
    20:52
    it distracted me
    20:53
    and it reminds me how i would distract
    20:55
    myself before i knew what was going on
    20:59
    before i knew i had cptsd before i knew
    21:02
    that there was really
    21:04
    an emotional problem that i needed to
    21:06
    work on
    21:08
    and i would escape
    21:10
    and i feel that's what's happening right
    21:12
    now
    21:14
    and i
    21:15
    i really did a lot of research this week
    21:17
    and i was okay i was okay during the
    21:20
    doing the research i was okay putting
    21:22
    everything together
    21:24
    but
    21:28
    friday
    21:29
    with therapy
    21:33
    it put everything in a new light a new
    21:35
    picture for me
    21:37
    it brought the past alive it brought it
    21:40
    back full force
    21:43
    and i'm i mean
    21:45
    i'm struggling right now
    21:48
    vander
    21:50
    um
    21:51
    where is that let me find it here
    21:54
    bessel vander kulk
    21:57
    many of you if you've if you read a lot
    21:59
    on
    22:00
    ptsd trauma neglect
    22:04
    abuse such things such as that you'll
    22:06
    you'll know that name vessel vanderkult
    22:09
    he said
    22:10
    people talk about trauma as an event
    22:12
    that happened a long time ago
    22:16
    but what trauma is
    22:18
    is the imprints that event has left on
    22:22
    your mind and in your sensations
    22:26
    the discomfort
    22:28
    you feel and the agitation you feel and
    22:31
    the rage and the helplessness you feel
    22:35
    right now
    22:37
    that's where i am right now i'm not in
    22:40
    the in in the
    22:42
    in the present i'm fine
    22:45
    not really
    22:47
    i'm not talking about you know present
    22:49
    day
    22:49
    day problems
    22:51
    it really resurrected
    22:55
    flashbacks for me
    22:58
    of when i was a child and some of the
    23:00
    things that had went on had gone on
    23:03
    and so i'm having a difficult time so
    23:05
    i'm going to ask you to forgive me but i
    23:07
    am going to cut this short because
    23:10
    i need to focus on me right now
    23:13
    for the next couple of days at least and
    23:16
    hopefully have a
    23:18
    full-length podcast episode up
    23:21
    next tuesday
    23:23
    but i need to be aware
    23:25
    as you do of what your triggers are
    23:28
    what you need to do to bring them down
    23:32
    and sometimes when we push through we
    23:33
    push through so far
    23:36
    that we fall
    23:38
    face first because there's something
    23:40
    emotionally we need to deal with
    23:42
    at that time at that moment
    23:46
    and i know for me it comes when i start
    23:48
    sleeping as much as i've been sleeping
    23:51
    so i need to do some soul searching i
    23:53
    need to figure this out i need to sort
    23:56
    out this fantasy family and the fantasy
    23:59
    that my grandmother had never died you
    24:01
    know those are things that i held and i
    24:04
    think i put them in a box and put them
    24:06
    away but they're really quite disturbing
    24:09
    right now and i don't think it's
    24:11
    i really don't feel it's like in
    24:13
    anyone's best interest for me to go on
    24:17
    and do
    24:19
    more of an episode
    24:22
    on trauma on ptsd on cptsd at the moment
    24:27
    because right now i feel like a broken
    24:29
    jar
    24:31
    and i know that it has been put together
    24:35
    but what bessel vanderkolk said about
    24:39
    the
    24:39
    imprint
    24:41
    it's still there
    24:45
    i need to take that seriously because i
    24:48
    need you guys to take it seriously
    24:51
    and i need to be
    24:54
    in this position
    24:56
    if i'm going to be doing a podcast on
    24:59
    mental health
    25:00
    overcoming
    25:01
    cptsd and trauma
    25:04
    and i find myself in a position where i
    25:06
    need help i need to be able to be
    25:10
    real with you and say
    25:12
    hey i'm sorry this has to be a short
    25:15
    kind of
    25:17
    on the fly
    25:18
    episode because i need to recognize
    25:23
    what my inner child is crying out for
    25:26
    and that's weird trying to re-parent
    25:28
    your inner child the first time i did
    25:30
    that it was like way weird
    25:33
    and i was in the i was in a flashback
    25:37
    and
    25:38
    i realized i was in a flashback and i
    25:40
    realized what i was feeling at that time
    25:42
    no was nowhere near
    25:45
    what the moment called for
    25:47
    i realized i was feeling what i was
    25:49
    feeling when i was a little kid in the
    25:51
    same thing it happened to me
    25:56
    and so what i did was
    25:59
    i'm talking to myself i'm talking to
    26:00
    like little terry there saying it's okay
    26:04
    you're safe with me
    26:05
    i'm gonna take care of you
    26:07
    i'm not not gonna let anything happen to
    26:09
    you
    26:10
    you are safe
    26:12
    i mean she was just three four five six
    26:14
    years old i'm 60. i think i can
    26:17
    take care and protect
    26:19
    a little child especially if that little
    26:22
    child dwells within me
    26:25
    so i need to heed that calling and i
    26:27
    need to do that i hope you'll forgive me
    26:30
    for that
    26:31
    hopefully next week we'll be back with a
    26:36
    revelatory
    26:38
    episode of
    26:41
    grand proportions
    26:43
    and that everyone will be able to learn
    26:45
    something
    26:47
    but
    26:48
    look at me and look at yourself
    26:50
    if you're feeling your triggers
    26:53
    you're walking through your triggers and
    26:54
    you know what your triggers are listen
    26:57
    to them
    26:58
    and take care of yourself
    27:00
    so that's what i'm going to do
    27:02
    i'm going to say bye for now
    27:04
    and i will see you
    27:06
    next week
    27:12
    thank you for listening to digging
    27:14
    through dominoes
    27:15
    make sure you subscribe so you don't
    27:17
    miss any future episodes in the meantime
    27:20
    connect with terry on facebook and
    27:22
    instagram at digging through dominoes on
    27:25
    twitter at digging dominoes and online
    27:29
    at digging through dominos.com
    27:32
    until next time thank you for listening
    27:36
    [Music]

     

    28 min
  • Episode 9 - When Love Hurts

    What is emotional abuse? Learn just how we can be manipulated and how much easier it becomes over time. Love shouldn't hurt.

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

    32 min
  • EPISODE 8 - Attachment Styles And How They Affect Our Entire Lives

    Attachment Styles And How They Affect Our Entire Lives. Plus, my attachment style and what it meant for me.

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

    videos referenced:

    Toddler In Hospital:

    https://youtu.be/s14Q-_Bxc_U

    Toddlers regulate their behavior to avoid making adults angry:

    https://youtu.be/7FC4qRD1vn8

     

    Attachment style quiz:

    https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/

     

     

    1 hr 27 min
  • Episode 7 ~ Confessions

    Navigating life with caretakers, parents that have their own traumas is never easy. The continuation of getting to know me, my traumas, my proper diagnosis, how I messed up because of childhood neglect and trauma and how I'm surviving day to day!

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

    1 hr 4 min
  • EPISODE6 ~ Origins, Causes, Symptoms, and Effects of Complex PTSD

    Episode 6 of Digging Through Dominoes explores the origins of and causes of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) with examples of how my early childhood affected and shaped my entire adult life. 

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

     

    Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel:

    https://amzn.to/3epY0RD

     

    podcast urls:

    Digging Through Dominoes website (audio): https://diggingthroughdominoes.podbean.com/

    Apple Podcast: ttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/digging-through-dominoes/id1619200152?i=1000557547966

    Spotify:

    https://open.spotify.com/show/69onD9bgg30EYvixz8DJFz?si=086dc9095e664d3b


    iHeart
    https://www.iheart.com/podcast/338-digging-through-dominoes-95565843/

    Google Podcasts:

    https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkLnBvZGJlYW4uY29tL2RpZ2dpbmd0aHJvdWdoZG9taW5vZXMvZmVlZC54bWw

    Amazon Music/Audible:

    https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/ff3b62d1-4acb-4a3d-8bd8-89f5aba3ace6

    Player FM:

    https://player.fm/series/digging-through-dominoes

    You can use this RSS feed in other Podcast platforms: https://feed.podbean.com/diggingthroughdominoes/feed.xml

    YouTube main Channel URL for Podcast playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLE4W_QJYGZH7d2wyB-0gDe5fAjI2cSi4J

    Digging Through Dominoes Youtube Video Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A3V8sW0X5c1QZGqQfBqXw

    Digging Through Dominoes Social Media:

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DiggingThroughDominoes

    Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/diggingthroughdominoes/


    Twitter: @DiggingDominoes 
    teri anderson 
    mental health awareness 
    mental health awareness month 
    mental awareness month 
    mental health awareness may
    trauma
    PTSD
    Complex PTSD

    1 hr 2 min
  • EPISODE 4 - An Outsider Describes My Break

    In this episode Teri's guest, Jeff, discusses with Teri how her night in the behavioral unit, misdiagnosis with biploar disorder affected us both in unexpected ways. 

    His experience of watching Teri in a situation he could do nothing about. His mistrust of the medical system and doctors that only check boxes. 

    He also gives a glimpse of how, and when, he realized the extent of animosity in Teri's family of origin.

    COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving To Thriving by Pete Walker

    https://amzn.to/3RCx7rN

    The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk:

    https://amzn.to/3TLagfv

    Overcoming Toxic Parenting by Rick Johnson:

    https://amzn.to/3wXlBPO

     

    Healing Your Emotional Self by Beverly Engel:

    https://amzn.to/3epY0RD

     

     teri anderson

     mental health awareness
     psychotherapy
     60 something
     teri anderson
     mental health awareness
    therapy
    sessions
    uncomfortable
    psychiatrist
    social worker
    unconditional love
    devastation
    no trust
    referral to a psychiatrist
    second opinion
    screening for bipolar disorder
    judgemental
    personality tests
    misdiagnosis
    paranoia
    bipolar misdiagnosis
    self doubt
    Digging Through Dominoes
    introspective
    C-PTSD 
    Complex PTSD
    Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    disassociation
    escape
    numb
    isolate
    Teri Anderson
     60 something 
    mental health awareness

     

    46 min

About Digging Through Dominoes

From the publisher's feed

Are you constantly wondering what the hell is wrong with me? Why don’t I trust people? Why do the same things keep happening over and over again? Is there something wrong with me? Why don’t I ever feel like I’m enough? HOW DO I CHANGE MY LIFE?!