Discovering Our Scars

After a year of living under the weight of a pandemic, we have a new hope; we have vaccines! Steph and Beth each chose to get vaccinated for COVID-19, but they also recognize there are reasons why some folks are hesitant. This is an honest conversation about COVID, vaccines, and how we can make space for disagreement in the midst of hope.

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Dese’Rae Stage, creator of Live Through This, joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about suicide. Dese’Rae is a suicidologist and a suicide attempt survivor. She created Live Through This to reduce the stigma and shame around suicide by giving suicide attempt survivors a chance to tell their stories. Too often, suicidality is described using impersonal statistics and anonymous reports. Dese’Rae uses her gifts for photography and storytelling—skills she honed photographing and promoting bands—to help us understand the stories behind the numbers. You might think Dese’Rae’s work as a suicidologist is about death, but actually it’s about life. This conversation is filled with real talk, humor, and practical tips and terminology.

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Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what sin is, what it isn’t, and who decides. They delve into the ethics of sin by asking questions like: If murder is sin then is the executioner who carries out the death penalty committing a sin? And in what ways is sin individual and in what ways is it communal? Are there things that are okay for some people to do, but sinful when done by others? Can you commit a sin and not even know you’ve done it, or does sin require awareness? What if you are raised in a sinful system where a sin like racism is perpetuated? Steph and Beth also talk about how some people seem to be laser focused on the sins of other people without any apparent awareness of their own shortcomings.

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What does your name say about who you are? In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the connection between name and identity. Beth talks about her ill-fated middle-school attempt to go by her actual name (Elizabeth). She also talks about the decision to change her children’s names when they were adopted. She explains that, while their Russian names were special and important, naming a child is an opportunity to give them roots and a sense of family connection. Steph talks about choosing her public-facing name and using that as an opportunity to honor a part of her family heritage that might otherwise have been lost. Also, Beth shares which nicknames she really can’t stand!

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Never underestimate the importance of being part of something bigger than yourself. Steph and Beth were each part of Girl Scouts, but Steph took it much farther than most—all the way to the end of high school, in fact! Steph sold cookies and earned badges along the way but as a senior in high school she earned the prestigious Gold Award. In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how the things we experience in high school can shape us for the rest of our lives.

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Prayer is the ultimate honest conversation. God is not a vending machine and prayer is not about putting in our order. Why do some people have an active prayer life? What do they get out of it? And talking to God is one thing, but what about hearing from God? Is it weird to hear an audible voice and know that it’s God? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what it’s like for them to talk to—and hear from—God.

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After the “Love? Actually” episode a few weeks ago, a friend asked Steph if—based on what she said in that episode—she might be asexual. After learning a bit about asexuality, Steph and Beth decided to tackle that exact question: Is Steph asexual? Asexuality, represented by the “A” in LGBTQIA, is the absence (or near absence) of sexual attraction or desire for sexual activity. As ever, Steph is vulnerable in letting listeners into the most private spaces of her life in hopes that it will encourage others to be similarly authentic. If the question of asexuality makes you slightly uncomfortable, we encourage you to listen to this episode with an open mind and an open heart. This is an honest conversation about sexuality, sexual trauma, labels, and cultural views of virginity.

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Divorce is a deeply personal, life-changing event that can be hard to talk about. Neither Steph nor Beth has ever been divorced, so they brought in Beth’s friend Christi Gray for this honest conversation. Christi is a lawyer who has specialized exclusively in family law (i.e., divorces and what happens afterward) for ten years. Christi brings not only her professional experience but also her personal experience to this conversation. She explains how divorce is not only a legal proceeding but also a psychological process and why it is that it only takes one person to end a marriage. Steph, Beth, and Christi talk about all of the reasons people get divorced, what it costs, how long it takes, and how a little bit of knowledge about divorce can influence good decisions related to marriage.

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In episodes 35 and 39, Steph and Beth explored the 2020 Black Lives Matter protests and the reality of white privilege. In this episode they check in on their ongoing learning. They have an honest conversation about why it’s important for white people to do this work for themselves (rather than expecting our black friends to do it) and how our upbringing and educational system can get in the way of our learning. For example, growing up in the South, Steph and Beth both learned to celebrate the success of plantation owners rather than questioning an economy built on the enslavement of humans. And what about Black History Month? It may have started with a positive intention but has it become a way to keep our history segregated? As always the episode ends with Questions for Reflection so you can reflect on the conversation in your own life.

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Some people can casually say, “I love you,” but for others it’s an almost sacred phrase that is reserved for the most special of circumstances and people. Steph and Beth explore their experience with love—the word and the emotion. Beth has been in love with her husband since she was a teenager, but isn’t there more to “love” than romantic love? Steph understood love in a new way when her first nephew was born. Beth only understood unconditional love after she became a mom. In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what makes them feel loved and what it means to them.

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