Divorce Angel Podcast

Every time we say things like: "I am not strong enough to face this alone", or "I am not smart enough to create something like that by my own", or even when we think we do not deserve someone's love, we are boycotting ourselves. 

These are made-up stories about ourselves that we repeat in our heads and stop us from making any progress. 

In this episode of the Divorce Angel Podcast, I share with you the lessons I learnt from my divorce, and I offer guidance on how to deal with the stories we tell ourselves. 

Let's get into it:

Timestamps:

The first lesson I learnt from my divorce. I am strong [00:01:50]

The importance of having a plan [00:03:00] 

Lesson Two. I am smart enough[00:04:30]

Everyone's got abilities [00:06:00]

Lesson Three. I am resourceful [00:7:20]

Lesson Four. I am lovable [00:9:00]

Lesson Five. I am a good person [00:11:00]

You have everything you need inside of you [00:15:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Marriage may be affected by things that mostly we can't control. They will appear, and we will have to learn how to deal with them. What we can manage, however, is our reaction to these unexpected events. 

We are the reflection of how we deal with the issues surrounding our marriage. Even during divorce, if we handle it with love and kindness, that is what we will get back. We are a reflection of our relationships. To see how we show up in life, we need to look at how we show up in our relationships. In this episode, we talk about the details we should observe to improve the way we show up in life. 

Let’s get into it:

Timestamps:

How did I used to show up in life [00:02:45]

Are you lying to yourself? [00:04:30]

My clients' light bulb momment[00:06:30]

If you don't trust your partner, do you trust yourself? [00:07:10]

Always give a 100% [00:10:00] 

The BE-DO-HAVE model [00:12:00]

Showing love and kindness during divorce [00:13:20]

The nuts and bolts case [00:15:45]

My mission on this job. [00:16:30]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Statistics show that people in unhappy marriages are more likely to get divorced or separated in December and January. If we collect Google data, we will see an increase in inquiries about divorce from November to January compared to the rest of the year. Why?

Christmas and New Year's eve are dates that tend to put our lives in perspective and is usually at this time of the year when we decide to make a change. Still, the decisions we make are nuanced by a set of factors.

• We do not want to ruin our kid's Christmas
• The financial strain 
• Happiness through someone vs self-induced happiness 

In this episode, we walk the road of the tough decisions to be made during this sensitive time of the year. 

Let’s get into it:

Timestamps:

Divorce does not need to be terrible[00:03:00]

Are you 100% comfortable and certain about your decision? [00:04:30]

My reason to get a divorce[00:06:20]

The biggest mistake we can make [00:07:00]

Statistics about the end of the year [00:09:50]

The children issue [00:11:30]

Staying year after year in unhappiness [00:12:30]

My job, my purpose [00:14:00]

Holidays and bad decisions. [00:16:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

With Christmas at the end of the year usually we see a lot of laughter, joy and happiness. It is that time of the year when we reflect on what we did through the days passed by and set our goals for the coming new year. And most of all this is when the celebrations begin and usually we look forward to family reunions. The only thing we want is to be around the ones we love the most. If you are going through a separation or a divorce, this could be a problem for you. May be your dreading it.

Perhaps when everybody else is hugging each other and unwrapping presents, your alone feeling the worst. Its probably very tough for you and you may be thinking that from now on (and at least till you find someone new), you are alone. It is a date where emotions are all over the place. Not only for us but for our kids too. All the more reason to be confused and stressed.

This special podcast is about the effects that a divorce will have on us during the holidays. What we should expect from assembled families and how to pass through this particular time of the year with less pain and possibly a better attitude. 

Let's get into it:

Timestamps:

What is your greatest struggle at this time of year?[00:01:00]

What is the major concern for women during Christmas? [00:02:00]

What we should do with our kids and what we should not.[00:04:00]

What kind of memories are we creating? [00:07:00]

The importance of being present. [00:09:00]

My first Christmas after the divorce. The hardest ever. [00:10:30]

New partners and our kids. [00:12:00]

Our ex's family. Should we keep in touch? [00:15:00]

How to restart? Suggestions and ideas. [00:17:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

To our kids, divorce is a life long process. During this process, the ability to do a great job at parenting is even more relevant. We need to be very careful with what we say and do in front of our children because we are their source on how to behave and react in life.

Everything we say about our ex-spouse will affect our kids, either positively or negatively. Negative remarks we make about our ex-spouse will leave a scar in our kids, and that is why we need to be mindful of what we choose to say and do. 

Co-parenting can truly be a success if you chose to do it in a child centered approach. In this episode, we talk about strategies to avoid making mistakes as divorced parents and how you can handle your emotions better around your kids.  We just need to have a well thought through approach to anything in life to make it work.  After all parenting is tough and co-parenting has its own set of challenges. By the end of this podcast you will know its not rocket science. All we need is a mindful approach to make co-parenting a success.

Timestamps:

Why we choose that person in the first place?[00:01:00]

What our kids struggle the most during a divorce? [00:03:00]

Our kids learn from us.[00:05:00]

How to explain to our kids what is happening and why?[00:07:00]

The importance of being present. [00:09:00]

Quality time or quantity of time, what our kids need? [00:11:00]

What do our kids need in a moment like this? [00:13:00]

The risks of involving our kids. [00:15:00]

The benefits of avoiding overthinking. [00:17:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There are so many aspects to look after when you are going throw a divorce. You can easily neglect one or two. When you look at the to-do list it can be overwhelming and usually you can not handle everything by yourself and this is why you ask for help. The tricky part here is, we tend to focus on what we 'think' we can handle and may only ask for a piece of advice on what looks complicated to us from the wrong set of people. When this happens you end up asking someone to do something that they are actually not qualified to do or do not specialize in. Even with good intentions, a lawyer or a solicitor can provoke critical financial damage to us as its not really within their scope to advice. 

This episode is all about the details we should consider to make the right choice on behalf of our financial future. We talk about the questions we need to ask ourselves to avoid costly mistakes and financial risks that will harm us. 

Timestamps:

Where and how I have started my journey through divorce.[00:02:00]

Sink or swim. [00:03:00]

One of the biggest mistakes all of us make.[00:05:00]

What if self-doubt hit us?[00:07:00]

The mistakes lawyers can make that will affect us. [00:09:00]

The right questions to ask yourself about assets. [00:12:00]

Why we do a Divorce Roadmap. [00:13:00]

Links:

Online Course - 4 Simple Steps to Financial Security – Guaranteed:

https://tanyasomerton.com/4-simple-steps-to-financial-security-guaranteed/ 

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this episode, we discuss another aspect of the financial issues we can face during a divorce. Last episode we spoke about money in vs money out during a divorce, while this time the focus is on the decisions we must make now that will relate to the life we will have after the divorce. The need to understand the difference between facing life as a team with your partner versus facing it as a solo player. Being alone is different, but that does not mean it has to be harder. 

When we are defining the possessions we will keep after the divorce, we should not be influenced by our emotions. We need to focus on what we need. We need to see if what we have is what we need. Perhaps we need less. Maybe we are fighting to keep an asset we will not be capable to maintain by ourselves. 

Maybe a good strategy to avoid putting ourselves in financial traps is leaving the heart in the bedside table before a divorce settlement. Learn why living above our means is definitely something we need to avoid. 

Timestamps:

We live above our means when we're in a relationship. [00:03:00]

The reason that many relationships break up.[00:04:00]

Sometimes the universe, or whatever it is you believe in, slap us in the face.[00:07:00]

What happens when we are able to simplify our lives. [00:10:00]

Should I keep the house or be happy?. [00:13:00]

Are we living in denial?[00:15:00]

Links:

Online Course - 4 Simple Steps to Financial Security – Guaranteed:

https://tanyasomerton.com/4-simple-steps-to-financial-security-guaranteed/ 

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's episode is about the decisions we make that have financial implications when going through a divorce. When we are experiencing extreme situations, the urgent does not allow time for the important. We may end up making decisions that seem the right thing to do, but if we look at the outcome of that decision in the long term it does not seem so right.  For example, it could be thinking of keeping an asset or a property which is probably the easiest thing to do, but not necessarily the best choice. What should we consider when deciding this?

If we think about divorce as a chance to press a restart button, maybe this new perspective would let us see new opportunities.

In this episode, we will have a closer look at the decisions we make and the financial outcomes of each one of them. 

So let’s get into it:

Timestamps:

My struggles when I was facing my divorce. [00:01:00]

It is about money-in or money-out? [00:02:00]

The story about the two ladies.[00:04:00]

"Everything will always be okay".[00:09:00]

Divorce to a lawyer vs Divorce to us. [00:11:00]

The easy thing to do might not be the right thing right now. [00:13:00] 

Think of the longterm benefit of the decisions that you make today. [00:15:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People's divorces offer all kind of stories. You may find agreement on huge issues of a divorce settlement, like selling properties or even valuation of business, yet at the same time, they cannot reach an understanding over small things. 

This can happen for many reasons. You may have reasoning behind fighting over a particular item, but you should ask yourself is it worth the energy, the time, and the money you will spend to get it.

In this podcast, Tanya talks about how and why the little issues cost the most. Looking back over her own experience and that of two recent clients, she wants you to ask yourself is it worth the cost and stress?

So let’s get into it:

Timestamps:

One of the reasons why I became a Divorce Angel.[00:01:00]

Know the 80 20 rule. [00:03:00]

First case of study: The photo album.[00:05:00]

What happened to me. [00:08:00]

How my story ended up. [00:10:00]

What I have learnt after what happened to me. [00:13:00]

Do you need this stress? [00:15:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's episode is about happiness. How to get to it and how to make happiness a state of mind.

Sometimes everything looks about to collapse around us, and it does not matter how fiercely we fight it, sadness and sorrow seems to be undefeatable. Reality is most of the times this is just stories we tell ourselves.

Going throw a divorce is one of the most stressful processes someone can face, and everyone deals with it uniquely. There is no time established to start or stop feeling this or that way. But there is, although, no need at all of being sad or hurt forever. 

"You have the power to be happy" teaches a simple exercise that will take you to a happy state of mind in a few seconds. 

So let’s get into it:

Timestamps:

The importance of repetition in the process of learning. [00:01:00]

The things we can do for ourselves. [00:02:00]

Why we can’t find a way out of our problems. [00:03:00]

A simple exercise to reach happiness. [00:04:00]

Some of Tanya’s happy places. [00:07:00]

How to reach happiness from the inside out. [00:11:00]

Uncovering our clients greatest struggles. [00:14:00]

Be silly, nobody’s watching. [00:17:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.