Divorce Angel Podcast

Which Stories Are Holding You Back?

The stories we tell ourselves define who we are.

Have you ever found yourself in a critical situation and could not understand how you got there? When you ask yourself who you are, do you like the answer you hear? The stories we build in our heads about us and our reality are not always necessarily true. Stay tuned, and learn which stories you should hear about yourself, and which you shouldn't.

Timestamps:

The beautiful email from Shelley that triggered today’s episode [00:02:00]

Stories cause us to feel emotions, and we act from those emotions [00:03:00]

Tanya calls BS on the stories you’re telling yourself about you [00:05:00]

You can change your life by changing the stories you tell to yourself [00:08:00]

Why and how to be grateful for the little things [00:12:00]

What happens if the stories we tell ourselves are not true? [00:14:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today’s episode:  Big Problems Require Little Solutions

Big Problems Require Little Solutions

Big problems are usually made of smaller ones easier to solve. Understanding this and knowing how to deal with it is the first step into a happy existence. You need to learn to pick your battles more wisely, thinking more about the outcome than in the fight itself. In this podcast, we will discuss where we should put our efforts when facing big problems.   

So let’s get into it:

Timestamps:

Tanya tells a story that changed her life when making decisions. [00:02:00] 

Problems that we have are sometimes in our head[00:04:00]  

 Solve big issues and big solutions rather than breaking them down do not work.[00:06:00] 

The questions people ask themselves  [00:10:00]

When a legal bill is out of hand [00:13:00]

When actions are the problem [00:16:00] 

What is the most important thing for you right now, is it the fight or is it the rest of your life?[00:18:00]

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar - Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You've chosen the person that you married and that choice has consequences and those consequences are either making you happy or unhappy. If you're listening to this podcast, it's probably because you're unhappy or confused and you're looking for the answers to the questions.

Bottom-line is we are always having conversations around choice. People tend to think that they don't have a choice and this is where the whole victim mentality comes in. If you think you have no choice, it's very hard to make the right decision. We have a choice to say, "Yes or no”. If you're going through a separation or you're currently in the legal part of your negotiation, just remember that you have a choice and every decision you make has a consequence whether that be good or bad. Make sure that the choices revolving the decisions you make today do not impact you negatively tomorrow; because they can be very costly.

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce:

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/ 

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/ 

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/ 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Choosing the right person for the job is extremely important especially during a divorce. In this podcast Tanya speaks with Alison Shaw from Shaw Dispute Resolutions about how to choose a good mediator and the benefits.Links:My book:

The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce:

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Shaw dispute mediation - 1300 768 496

https://shawdr.com.au/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever wondered the difference between legal proceedings and using a mediator? Well in this podcast Tanya interviews Alison Shaw. Alison was a family lawyer who ran her own business and had a light bulb moment after completing a mediation course. Alison realized that their was a better way to help families going through divorce and started Shaw Dispute Resolution. Alison believes in mediation not litigation and says that her legal skills have provided an insight that allows her to show compassion and help families through the process in a calm and safe environment.

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce:

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/ 

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/ 

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/ 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You are so important. Often we forget this when trouble strikes! When things seem to go wrong and you loose control of what was perfect, regrets, confusion, guilt and sadness fills you and eats your thoughts.  Remember, feelings of overwhelm and darkness will fade with time. Consider the good you have in your life right now and things will improve. It will just take time and patience.
The key with a really successful divorce is trying to prevent the spot fires and if anything, try and have or be in control of the situation as much as possible. when we're in a bad situation, don't keep pondering on the extremely bad things that happen, instead focus on the other part of your life where things are much better. How you handle yourself and look after yourself will give you the ultimate results to a successful future. 

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce:

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/ 

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/ 

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/ 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Knowing when to take off your wedding ring, can have different meanings to different people. Research has shown that there are no rules. Depending on how the relationship was going, how it ended, what had happened throughout the duration that you were together; all has a bearing on how you and when you will take off your wedding ring.

Some may take it off straight away while another may take months and months. How you come to terms with it will be in your own time. You need to do it when the time is right for you. In this podcast Tanya talks about the experiences she comes across and speaks of her own.

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce:

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/                

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here I talk about the importance of communication. This is most often what becomes the real problem if not done properly when people are going through a separation.

Its okay to be emotional but we've got to understand that when we say things, they do have consequences and especially if we've got children. This is why it’s easy to understand how things can get off track and out of control when one does not listen and communicate clearly. Communication is always a two way thing and not one way! So if you're currently going through a separation now, the important thing to understand is that you communicate with your ex, and also that you make sure they actually understand what you're saying.

In the heat of the moment, someone will only take out the key words that they hear. They don't hear the whole sentence. They might only hear the things that they are trying to prove. First try to understand what is said and what is needed to be met by both parties.  You just want to always hold your head high and be the bigger person and understand that you can't control their actions or reactions. You can only control your own. Those circumstances can, in a lot of cases, make a big difference to an outcome.

If you started on talking terms then you will end up working together to get an outcome. So my advice to you is be very mindful of the words that you say and how you say them and know what they mean because they have consequences.

Links:

My book: The Jelly Bean Jar – Empowering Independence through Divorce

https://tanyasomerton.com/shop/the-jelly-bean-jar/

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this Podcast Tanya and Karen discuss the issues that a lot of clients have in finding the right lawyers and the issues they see in the industry. If you are looking for a lawyer, there are nuggets of information which may help you find the best person to represent you.

Karen Finch is the Co-founder and CEO of Legally Yours and is a lawyer by profession, and an expert on family law practice. Having seen the real gap in the market caused by huge conflicts with the billable hours, Legally Yours was born. Legally Yours is no traditional billable law firm but a service provided in law with an upfront fixed fee structure making it more transparent to their clients.

Karen took quite the heart-breaking decision to leave her beloved profession early on which she felt to be really horrible due to the eye-opening process it involved. She loved her clients too much to continue with how the system worked. Having told to bill bill bill, Karen gives us the hard truth about how the ‘six minute increment charging works’ and why she moved out and ventured to finding a better way to cope with the system and still be able to help her clients. With a passion for the human side of law she realized something was fundamentally wrong with that system and that there is a different way to practice and there are different ways to do it.

Links:

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

Legally Yours:

https://legallyyours.com.au/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This podcast is a continuation from last week where we spoke about inaction and the dangers it can cause when people get complacent with their lives. You may be trapped to the circumstances and whatever that entails for you individually but there is a way out or a way that’s better. You just have to take it. Action must be the next step. Knowing and doing are two completely different things.

This Podcast emphasises why we need to keep the momentum going so we don’t miss out on the best opportunities that will start to unfold in front of you. Because right now they're not showing up to you but it’s a matter of time and taking charge for it to happen. Anything's possible and I want that for you, too. Let's get into how do we move on from inaction?

Links:

Divorce Roadmap Session:

https://tanyasomerton.com/divorce-roadmap/

Join my Free Facebook Group here:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorceangel/

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.