Divorce Coaches Academy

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This week we had a great networking event where we discussed the popular TED Talk, "How to avoid catching prickly emotions from other people". Did you know there's a cactus nicknamed the "jumping cholla" for it's tendency to seemingly shoot cactus spines into unsuspecting passersby? 

The same thing can happen when we get too close to people having big emotions. When a spouse or co-parent is angry, hostile or negative, we can get hurt if we catch those feelings from them. Today we’re going to give you and your clients some information and tools to avoid this “jumping cholla effect” or what we call emotional contagion.

First we dig into how emotional contagion happens, where emotion comes from and how to work with clients to raise awareness about how their beliefs, expectations and even physical symptoms can contribute to this process.

Then we offer some strategies we call "bubble wrap" to provide protection from any pricks that might be flying your way. These include understanding mirror neurons; cognitive reappraisal; "OK, So what, Now What"; and of course, boundaries.

Here’s to staying safe out there.


Watch the TED Talk: Catching Prickly Emotions

Find a DCA® Divorce Coach: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com/coach-locator

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

No doubt we've have all seen some pretty shady characters pull some pretty shady tricks in divorce and co-parenting. There are people in this world that get off on hurting others - the more you hurt, the happier they are. It’s sad to think that people like this exist, but wishing and hoping they were different doesn’t solve the problem. There’s still a settlement agreement to negotiate or years of co-parenting ahead.

This week we're talking about helping clients take control wherever possible to protect their own safety and their own peace. And that means we’re going to be talking about boundaries - making decisions and taking actions that shield them from harm and keep them moving toward their goals.

We run through a little role play to demonstrate the difference between effective and ineffective boundaries. Then we discuss the two things that typically keep clients from acting to set good boundaries (fear and values conflicts) and provide a 4-step process for working through those with them.

Remember that boundaries are an action, not an ask. So when clients are struggling with the behavior of others, our job is to help them determine what options they have that do not rely on their spouse or co-parent’s agreement or compliance. That’s where their power, peace, and safety lie.

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

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This week, we're thrilled for you to meet Nikki Bould. Nikki is a highly skilled ADR specialist in New Zealand and she's joining the DCA leadership team to deliver culturally and legally specific curriculum to aspiring New Zealand divorce coaches.

Not only does New Zealand have it's own unique laws and processes when it comes to divorce, but because of the large indigenous population there are cultural impacts and considerations that Kiwi divorce coaches must be prepared to navigate.

Nikki shares that there are currently only about 15 certified divorce coaches in New Zealand and she firmly believes that increasing that number can help families avoid the stress of litigation.  While divorcing families with children are afforded 12 hours of family dispute resolution services (either free or partially funded), these often aren't utilized or aren't effective as they could be.

Increasing the number of divorce coaches with specific ADR skills would provide individual support and education that could be the key to increasing FDR success and decreasing court involvement.

DCA is thrilled to be working with Nikki to bring truly international divorce coaching to New Zealand.

The first New Zealand cohort begins the week of February 12, 2024. Apply now or schedule a 1-1 call with Nikki to learn more at divorcecoachesacademy.com.

Nau mai Nikki!


Where you can find Nikki:
Website: www.thehelpfulhuman.co.nz
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/nikki-bould-mediator-coach


Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

What's the best and fastest way to ramp up conflict in divorce and co-parenting? Certainly derailing language is near the top of the list. Those phrases that automatically trigger defensiveness or an emotional response - things like "you always", "you never", "you're overreacting", or Tracy's personal favorite, "calm down".

This week, we unpack how and why this type of language contributes to conflict and we offer 13 strategies you can use with clients to help them stay on track and focused on their goals when it comes to the words they choose.

Communicating during divorce conflict is challenging because emotions are running high, needs aren't being met, someone is feeling threatened, and the stakes feel incredibly high. Derailing language is not only unproductive, it can move the conversation from an opportunity for a problem-solving to a full blown argument and combat. This, in turn, can lead to escalation into litigation, further deterioration of the relationship, and additional impact on children.

Overcoming derailing language is key to maintaining a constructive dialogue that respects all parties involved. By being mindful of our words, listening actively, and expressing ourselves constructively, we can turn conflicts into opportunities for understanding and resolution.


Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

It’s just about time for everyone to start thinking about New Year’s resolutions and that usually means setting goals to get healthier and manage our money better. Almost every divorce coach we know would like to generate more revenue, so in this episode we share 5 simple strategies you can implement to earn more in your coaching business next year.

Research cited by The Ohio State University Fisher College of Business suggests that only 9% of Americans that make resolutions complete them. That tells us that simply setting an intention doesn’t seem to create the follow through necessary to accomplish the goal. The same goes for making more money in your coaching practice. Recall that ICF (International Coaching Federation) survey that reported 80% of coaching businesses fail? These dismal statistics can make it feel like an impossible mission to achieve financial success as divorce coaching professionals. 

But there are many divorce coaches that are hitting their revenue goals and that is precisely why you must pay attention to the business side of your coaching practice. If you want to make more in 2024, you need to set your sights on 2 basic things - getting more clients and gaining more confidence.

Because More Clients + More Confidence = More Revenue

So listen in as we talk through the 5 things you can focus on that we believe will have the most impact on growing your client base and your confidence next year. Being excellent at coaching isn't enough - you must also be intentional about the way you approach your business. 

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Are you certified but feel like you're ready to elevate your practice? This week we have the pleasure of talking with two certified, practicing divorce coaches who recently completed DCA's ELEVATE program to add an ADR divorce coaching certification to their credentials.

Heather Cary and Carolyn Jacobs give us the inside scoop on their backgrounds, their initial certification, their decision to pursue additional ADR training, and how the DCA foundations, frameworks and skills have provided just what they needed to take their coaching practice to the next level.

ELEVATE is a new option for CDC certified divorce coaches who are looking to add ADR and conflict resolution skills. The ELEVATE program includes every lesson, every module, and every resource that our new divorce coaching students have access to. We believe our ADR approach is so revolutionary that we just couldn’t leave anything out. The coaching frameworks and approach to divorce fundamentals look and land differently when viewed and taught through an ADR lens.

Listen in as Heather and Carolyn describe how learning to speak ADR language, working with clients to focus on conflict management, and delivering an effective coaching session every time has increased both their impact with clients and their bottom line.

Find Heather:
Website: www.heathercarycoaching.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/the_mindful_divorce
Meetup: www.meetup.com/portland-divorce-support
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/heather-cary-b1640b104

Find Carolyn:
Website: www.allyindivorce.com
Instagram www.instagram.com/allyindivorce
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/carolyn-jacobs

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:
Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

When people find out what we do, it's not unusual to hear “UGH, I wish I’d known you when I went through my divorce. I made so many mistakes.” In this week's episode, we’re reviewing the five common mistakes people make and talk about how a divorce coach helps clients sidestep those mistakes and save time, money, relational damage and emotional energy.

Right now the average divorce with attorneys in the US will cost each party somewhere in the neighborhood of $15-20,000 and can easily exceed 6 figures when you add in custody battles, forensic accounting, discovery, depositions, motions, and all the other professionals and processes. Certainly legal fees can add up quickly when conflict escalates, but there are many other costs that clients pay when divorce mistakes are made.

When clients are stressed and overwhelmed and/or driven by emotions like anger, sadness, vengeance, jealousy, or indecision, their lives are impacted on every level. While those costs are much harder to quantify, they aren’t hard to observe.

Studies show that an employee can lose 40% of their productivity when going through a divorce, costing many companies millions of dollars in lost revenue. Clients who are struggling to manage their own emotions aren’t able to attend to the emotions or needs of their children in a healthy way. And when people are experiencing these costs of divorce, they may act and make decisions that don’t reflect their best selves or their best interests.

Listen in as Tracy and Debra dive into the 5 most expensive divorce mistakes and talk through the coaching tools you can use with each.


Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

If you’re working in the world of divorce, chances are that a number of your clients are going to be dealing with feelings of betrayal. In this episode we’re going to dig into how betrayal impacts emotions and decision making and discuss how you can work with clients struggling with the double whammy of betrayal and divorce.

Research presented to the Senate indicates that 56% of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites. According to the American Psychological Association, infidelity in the United States is said to be responsible for 20-40% of divorces. A Bankrate survey reports that 1 in 4 Americans keep financial secrets from their partner.

Betrayal Trauma occurs when the actions of another violate the trust on which a relationship was built and it can cause lasting changes in the areas of the brain responsible for regulating emotion, thought, and memory. 

Many symptoms arise immediately after a betrayal trauma, while other symptoms can begin months or even years later. In one survey, more than 33% of respondents reported having continued symptoms more than 5 years after the discovery of the betrayal.These symptoms can complicate the divorce process and the inherent conflict involved.

Listen in as we explore how different people respond to trauma and how they have different coaching needs. We also share how to identify if your client might need additional mental health support and offer some scripts you can use to gently introduce this idea.

Learn more about DCA® or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

These days with all the talk of narcissists, domestic violence, intimate partner violence, and coercive control, we get a lot of questions from divorce coaches about how, when or whether they should be working with clients involved in these situations.

In this episode, we clarify the specific role a divorce coach plays and examine those circumstances where coaches need to be cautious that they’re not crossing the line into advising, advocacy or UPL in their efforts to protect clients dealing with high conflict or intimate partner violence.

We set the stage by defining the terms divorce coach, educator, advisor and advocate. then we walk through a couple of hypothetical scenarios with a client we call "Michelle" to demonstrate the difference between coaching, advising, and advocacy. 

Resources to have on hand:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: thehotine.org 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
• Local Domestic Violence Resources: womenslaw.org

So how do you figure out what your role as a divorce coach should be when conflict is ramping up? We share 3 guidelines that will help you make decisions:

1. Your Comfort Zone
2. Your Consult Call
3. Your Coaching Agreement
4. Your Professional Ethics

Learn more about DCA™ or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

It’s Thanksgiving and we’re so thankful for all of you who take the time to listen each week. We thought it might be a great opportunity for you to get to know us a little better and get a sneak peek behind the scenes at the DCA podcast.

Listen in as Tracy and Debra talk (and laugh) about:

• how they record the podcast each week
• why they started the podcast
• what brought them to the profession of divorce coaching
• their proudest achievements
• their personal obsessions
• the first time they met in person
• who they'd love to collaborate with and why
• their dream podcast guest

We had a ton of fun recording this and hope you enjoy this more personal view into the people behind the microphones.

Have an idea for a future topic or episode? We'd love to hear from you.


Learn more about DCA™ or  any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: [email protected]