In this episode, we run through our new downloadable guide, 21 Tips for Spring Cleaning Your Life, available for FREE for a limited time at http://divorcedplaybook.com/springcleaning

Other episode highlights:
Scott explains that he talks to the Levy Bros.' grandfather all the time -- but in the form of a robin (the bird, not the comic character).

Scott also makes the case for business casual to now include sweatpants.

Fun fact: The average American spends 7.7 hours a day being sedentary.

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Non-sequitur Quote of the Episode:
Dan: “I got very drunk and did something dumb. That’s what I was going to talk about. When have I ever told a story where I end up and ‘the moral is…I got some!’ It’s always like I’m in a park, being robbed or something. Have you listened to the show?”

Scott: “Not being robbed. Being robbed of your —“

Dan: “Dignity.”

This is a show about self-awareness. Are you really as self-aware as you think? 

Our goal is to help a lot of you out there who are going through similar things to what we are. We’re just talking about it.

"A lot people listening have been through a traumatic life event and I think we’re just making sure we are relatable and people understand that what you’re going through, you’re not alone."

This episode is very reflective, and should leave you assessing your own behaviors. Hopefully it doesn't sound like we're up our own asses. 

Some very pertinent quotes, in order of pertinence:

"To be self-aware, to be self-aware about what you want, to be self-aware about the people you are going out with, you need to understand who you’re dealing with. We all need to be mindful of how we’re being self-aware, if we’re being self-aware, and just spend a little time thinking that way. Spend a little time thinking not so much about yourself, but how you’re interacting with other and how what you’re doing or saying affects others, whether it be people you’re dating, friends, family or your kids."
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"Normal. Whatever that means. You, as the audience, can decide what normal is for you. But if you try and find somebody that you feel is “normal” to you, and you start to date them, then you have an opportunity to explore them. You have an opportunity to get to know them, to understand them and that stuff just takes time."

"Normal is a four-letter word. To me. If I see normal on a dating site, if someone is looking for normal, I automatically swipe left on them. Because…yes a lot of people crave normality. A lot of people crave safety and security; that’s what they’re looking for in a match. That’s not what I’m looking for. It never will be what I’m looking for." 
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"I’m looking at my life as a dry erase board. Every day hilariousness happens and then I erase the board and then the next day hilariousness happens. Or whatever. What I’m not thinking about is that somebody who is listening to this show up until this point, or somebody who jumps in now and says, ‘let me start at the beginning and go back,’ I’m a sociopath. I’m insane." 

"In the context of everything it felt like, ‘okay this is fun, we’re going to talk about this.’ But if I were to go back even to listen to the first 30-something shows, I’d be like ‘who the fuck is that guy?’ But that guy’s this guy!"
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"It never crossed my mind once that somebody could show up here to me, with my kids standing next to me, and flip out, or whatever could happen. I never once thought for my own personal safety or the safety of my kids. I just thought, this is going to be fun. That’s a concern to me, man. How unaware am I that I didn’t even think about the safety of my family because I was like, ‘fuck it, it’s fun!’"
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"You can’t ultimately hide crazy. You can’t. You can hide it for a date. You might be able to hide it for two. If you are crazy, if you have a crazy part to you, you can’t hide that."
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"You might have some bad days. You might have some crazier days, you might think things aren’t going well. You might be lonely. These are all the emotions that we explore throughout the show and I think we have to share them. You know what? Maybe they come across in ways that some people don’t like them and for that I’m sorry, but the reality is, we’re not going to change the way that we do things. We’re not going to change who we are."
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"I say this to my oldest (kid) all the time: You might be the smartest person in every room. But you can’t tell the rest of the room that you’re the smartest. You have to show them."

Scott comes back from surgery and says, "I felt very alone, and I felt used. And I felt stupid, actually."

Dan talks about getting offered a job as a Stunt Dick.

This is what happens when we take a week and a half off for Scott to recover.

Out of context quotes, as always:
"There are, unfortunately — life created this, or whatever it is — there are a lot of shitty people out there. You need to be careful with your time."

"I need to be less giving of my time and a little more selfish. Otherwise what ends up happening is, people don’t give a shit. People abuse the privilege of my time and that’s not right. Have some fucking respect." 

"Yikes. Is this what happens when I’m gone for a week, that we bring it all around to porn?"

"This is the only podcast in the world, folks, that’s going to have on the rundown of things you want to talk about, 'Stunt Dick. Vatican.'"

"I think I’m too medicated to even process the fact that you want to seriously figure out how much it pays to be a stunt dick."

"Well, if I am judging you, you’re an idiot."

"Just focus on the people in your life that matter."

Nicole Ananda is graciously filling in for Scott as he recovers from back surgery. Learn more about her at AnandaIntegrativeHealing.com

On today's episode: 
8:15 -  "I'd rather take a chance and get sick than live like this anymore."

22:06 -  "All I can say is, God Bless your ex."

23:12 - "How are you comparing me to that? My kids have all their digits."

24:30 - "I believe I can recover physically. I don’t know I would have been able to recover mentally." 

26:15 -  "I feel like I can almost always out-brain someone. I don't know if I can out-heart anyone."

36:00 - "My highest value in a relationship is freedom."

41:50 -  "If I really think someone could be a good match with me and I'm going to maybe want to be a partner with them, I will wait."

49:25 - "Now I'm actually making good money and I could be a Sugar Mama, but I don't want to be."

52:00 - “Why do we judge a potential match or a potential date when we barely know them, but we never judge our friends, who we know so much more about?" 

"People say they’re looking for their best friend, but when you add the physical component, people are like, ‘yeah, but you can’t have any other fucking friends. I don’t care if I’m your best or not, you get no more friends than ME.’”

52:58 - "Monogamy is about ownership. It’s about owning women and owning property and passing that property down to your children. It’s patriarchy, is what monogamy is. We’re tribal, and tribal people and human beings are more naturally polyamorous or open, sexually."

54:02 - "Circumcision was popularized in the United States to try to stop boys and men from masturbating. It was a Christian campaign."

"It didn't work. Pretty sure I’ve never man a man who doesn't masturbate."

55:10 - "One person can’t do that, and so it’s all this pressure that’s put on relationship now. It’s really unrealistic. I feel like that is a lot of the reason why our divorce rate is so high."

56:58 - "I’m looking for my ride or die. Well, you’re going to die. Because you can’t ride everywhere with everyone."

58:25 - "Having the freedom to make whatever connection feels natural with each person? To me that’s love. Restricting the type of connection someone else makes, is not love to me."

59:31 - "I also like going very deep with people."

1:00:35  - “Men are more open to that because they’re just trying to get their dick wet.” 

1:01:40 - “Put things down your urethra for sexual pleasure. I don’t know, it doesn’t sound pleasurable to me.”

1:07:45 - "Most people are not putting in that kind of effort. And so you can’t expect, sadly, them to be very mature. But you can require it in your life. And that’s the difference."

1:08:35 - "If I want to coexist with somebody, I have to make their needs as important as mine. And then we have to figure out how we get those needs met together. And so the relationship becomes an entity - there’s me, there’s you and there’s our relationship - and we have to caretake all of those things."

Scott prepares for back surgery. Dan throws shade at the inferior Ocean City.

We got a very thoughtful response from @divorced.mom.dating on Instagram to our post about weeding out those who don't fit what you're looking for on dating apps. 

Scott and Dan react to this comment in two parts. Their comment is below:

Part 1:
I definitely agree that you should get very specific about yourself, your interests, and the type of relationship you’re after. (From my experience the truth is that most will likely not read it anyway before they match with you, but the information is there in hopes that they will.) When I was using dating apps I tended towards a lengthy profile, and I got a few people who messaged me just to tell me that my profile is too long. I thought that was great because it told me right off that they’re exactly the kind of men in whom I would not be interested anyway.

Part 2: 
At one point in my profiles I even talked about what kind of man interests me, and I found that a lot of men used that just to manufacture a tale about themselves that would probably get me interested in meeting up in person. I was very disappointed a number of times by figuring out that that’s exactly what they had done, and they were in fact not very much at all like the type of man I described.

The last 15 minutes has a tremendous amount of advice. And the Levy Bros. break a record for the number of times one of them says 'fuck' on the show.

That's one helluva headline. And it's what we discuss in this episode. 

The Levy Bros. talk about the idea of chivalry in today's world. Is chivalry slowly dying, and is that a good thing or not?

Dan recaps a date that he thought went really well, only to get friend zoned the next day. AGAIN. He asked the woman when she felt they'd just be friends, and she said during the date, and that their goodnight kiss — which Dan took as a great sign for the future — was uncomfortable. 

Yet she didn't stop him. And so, Dan asks the question that threads the first 49 minutes: Is he a hopeless romantic, or is he a predator?

Is he a person who ignores red flags and falls for people too quickly, or someone who doesn't care how the other person feels about him, so long as his needs are met?

Is there a sense of entitlement that comes with chivalry? And in 2021, is that something we can change?

The 49th minute starts a highly-spirited (pun) conversation on religion, faith and God. Scott is finding his faith, saying that he feels his doctor that will help his back is "a soldier of a higher power."

Does everything happen for a reason? And if so, why do people get punished for doing bad things? Or is there free will? And how does a higher power fit in? This is a can't miss 10 minutes that may change your mind about one, or both, of the Levy Bros.

A story you have to see/hear to believe: Dan wanted to get away for a day, so he went to meet up with a Tinder match who lives in Maryland.

And then she never texted him back.

First, an update on the Red Flag, which comes to its frustratingly disappointing denouement. She was the original MILF -- Mother I'd Like to FaceTime -- and, yet, nothing more than a lesson in self-worth and personal pride.

Alas, of all the great ghost stories we've told on this show, NOTHING is better (read: worse) than driving 3 hours to get ghosted.

So what happened? How did Dan salvage the evening? And exactly how drunk was he when he posted an Instagram of the inside of his plastic cup of Jim Beam and Coke with the text: 

I drove 3 hours to hang out with someone and she ghosted me. Now I'm super drunk and in Maryland. Top that, fuckers.

Also:
• Scott has a slipped disc in his back.
• The Levy Bros. reply to more listeners who think all they care about is physical attractiveness. (Note: WRONG.)
• How Hinge allowing comments when you try to match saved Dan's night.
• Is Dan too trusting?
• And was he Ghosted...or was he Catfished?

A Valentine's Day post mortem.

We revisit some listener comments on two of our topics from previous episodes: Scott's interest in 50 year-olds and Dan's interest in a woman with a red flag.

We correct the misconception many have about dating -- that more matches is better. It's not about more, it's about better, and (around the 16 minute mark) we discuss the logic behind how to get those better matches. Can't- miss stuff for any new listener.

Oh, and we share one of the best worst date stories -- or worst best date -- from a listener, Dan makes a very BOLD declaration and Scott says the word "wiener" a bunch.

Also on the show:
• Scott's back pain is at a 9.
• Dan learns more than he wanted about his ex's social life.
• Scott says, "I go both ways on this." 
• Dan is looking to connect with a VERY specific group of people.
• "You can't make someone like you. You can make someone NOT like you."
• "A kiss is not a contract."
• "I'm going to LexisNexis the FUCK out of that guy."
• "You were splashing in the kiddie pool."
• "That was a yikes moment on this podcast for sure."
• "Know that if you're coming over, packing a bag, the wiener's coming out." 
• "Oh, [if] you're packing a bag, then you're also packing something else."

Valentine's Day is approaching, and so we ask, for single parents on dating apps, what's love go to do with it? (Not the only Tina Turner reference on the show, and waiting for the Private Dancer one is SO worth it.)

Moreover, we discuss the concept of the Serial Dater vs. the Long-term Seeker, and, which is worse, if your ex finds someone to be in an LTR right after you, or if your ex is a serial dater? 

Please leave comments for your experiences.

Scott talks about the red flags Dan isn't seeing with potential dates. Are there different kinds of red flags...those of character and those of circumstance?

Dan admits he can't see gray, because everything in the world is black or white.

This is and episode that may make your brain explode. Sorry and you're welcome, and PLEASE share your thoughts either in the comments here, or via FB, IG or DM/Text.

On today's show we talk about fear, specifically the fear of getting hurt. Fear keeps us from doing things we might find dangerous, but does that translate to relationships? Parenting?

We also talk about the weekend, The Weeknd and whether or not you do research on a person you match with BEFORE going out with them?

Some quotes...

• "Does the fear of letting people in, or the fear of being real too soon, constrict you with regard to dating, or parenting?"

• "Who is going to want to date me when I’m 50? I’m old." 

• "I got SnapChat filtered again."

• "If you put yourself out there, and you put everything about you out there, and you get rejected, it does hurt." 

• "It’s this damn podcast, Dan. I was under the radar until this podcast came out and now everyone can find me so quickly."

• "I’m a private person. And I have a podcast."