In today’s episode, we are joined by Max Rivers, marriage mediator and author of Loving Conflict. Max’s practice focuses on nonviolent communication and helping couples hear what the other truly desires. Max talks about his teamwork method and getting to the root of couples' fights. We talk quite a bit about judgments and differences that couples run into and how to tackle those in a way that respects both sides. Max says that judgment is a tragic expression of your own unmet needs. Tune in today to hear tips on how to identify your needs, how to communicate what your heart needs, how to listen to your partner, and how to accept that difference.

In this episode: 

[1:02] Introduction to Max Rivers - Why did he start doing marital mediation? [5:40] How is marriage mediation different from therapy and divorce mediation? [8:25] The “Teamwork Method”. [13:55] How Max works with people who communicate through name-calling and blaming? [16:45] How does Max handle when people start throwing out money, support, or revenge? [21:25] What are the roles of mother and father, and how can you co-create your life around children?

Key Takeaways: 

Max’s process is: how to identify your needs, how to communicate what your heart needs, how do you listen to your partner's needs without judging, and in fact, accepting and loving that difference, mediation. Relationships are a “Both-And, not an Either-Or.” A relationship is about the difference. The difference is not going away; the difference is what you need and what you are looking for when getting into a relationship. Judgments are really just a person's way of expressing a need of theirs that is not getting met. Instead of nitpicking around little fights, look at the root cause of where the judgment is coming from and work from there.

Quotes: 

“My process is about teaching couples to identify what it is they need but are not getting, how to communicate that in a way that sounds like they are inviting their partner to the beauty of their desires, and listening to their partner's needs with excited curiosity so that both sets of needs are on the table, and then comes the mediation.”

“My job is to point out their differences and mediate how they can accept, not just tolerate, but benefit from this difference.”

Guest Bio: 

Max Rivers pioneered the idea of using mediation to SAVE marriages instead of ending them in a process he called "marriage mediation." He then developed a six-session process to help couples learn how to use an embodied form of NVC, Nonviolent Communication, to navigate their own difficult conversations. He is available at his office in Philadelphia or worldwide over video conferencing. He is the author of a book about his work with couples entitled, “Loving Conflict” available at Amazon.com.

Resources: 

Max Rivers Website

Schedule a Guaranteed Appointment

Loving Conflict Book

Lesa Koski Website

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Joseph discusses the importance of co-parenting. He talks about how parents should shift to view each other as business partners who are working together to raise thriving children (child) and great members of society. Respect that each parent is doing what they think is best for the kids. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes; new releases every Tuesday.

Resources

Call: 619-550-6738

Willmore Law Firm

Joseph Willmore LinkedIn

Joseph Willmore Instagram

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

In today’s episode, we are joined by Joseph Willmore, a Family Law Attorney in Southern California. Joseph discusses how family law is run in California and how he works with his clients to make sure they feel prepared and represented during the difficult time of divorce. We discuss quite a bit about co-parenting and how to shift the focus from emotions to what’s best for the children. Tune in to learn more about Joseph’s services and the advice we give to work towards a smooth divorce.

In this episode:

[00:34] Introduction to Joseph Willmore. [4:26] Joseph explains what his cases typically look like. [8:50] Should each party be represented individually? [12:30] We talk about clients and parenting, parenting plans, and child support. [20:30] Talking about where Joseph offers his services and how to find him.

Key Takeaways:

Each state has different guidelines around divorces and property. It is beneficial to both parties in California to agree on dividing assets if someone is attached to something vs. going to court where the judge will divide all asset amounts down the middle and request sale of assets for equal division. Children will thrive much better in two happy households than in a house full of arguing and unhappiness. Parents need to set their emotional interests aside and focus on the children to ensure they thrive in life.

Quotes:

“When parents enter this situation that they’ve never been in before, they don’t think about all these situations that come up, and these can be simple issues such as holidays, exchange locations for children, what vaccines you want, what doctor you want them to see, etc.”

“We need a parenting schedule that will give them a stable routine, make sure they are able to get to school, and make sure they are able to function.”

Guest Bio:

Attorney Joseph Willmore was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona.  Joseph completed his undergraduate degree in Communication at Arizona State University. Joseph attended law school at Thomas Jefferson School of Law.  Because of his outstanding academic performance, Joseph was invited onto the Thomas Jefferson Law Review, where he served as an Editor for the remainder of law school.  Joseph studied law abroad in both France and China, where he gained valuable insight into international law, alternative dispute resolution, and mediation. Joseph is a talented and confident public speaker, and further honed substantial trial advocacy skills.  Importantly, Joseph is personable and caring, and his diverse background of life experiences and public service make him a very enjoyable attorney to work with.

Resources:

Call: 619-550-6738

Willmore Law Firm

Joseph Willmore LinkedIn

Joseph Willmore Instagram

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. We asked Stepanie what her opinion is to get someone on a road to a better place during and after divorce. She suggests getting yourself a blank journal and reading a book that inspires you. Tell your story and reveal your heart to yourself. She suggests two books to get you started, “The Artist's Way” by Julia Cameron and “Writing Down the Bones” by Natalie Goldberg. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes; new releases every Tuesday.

Resources

Stephanie Raffelock’s Website

Stephanie Raffelock’s Instagram

Stephanie Raffelock’s Facebook

A Delightful Little Book on Aging - by Stephanie Raffelock

Creatrix Rising - by Stephanie Raffelock

The Artist’s Way - By Julia Cameron

Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within - by Natalie Goldberg

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

In today’s episode, we are joined by Stephanie Raffelock, an author on aging well and the creative surge that begins in midlife. Stephanie discusses the awakenings and transformation that come with getting older. We discuss what aging looks like in today’s society, where we live in a culture that values youth and beauty. We discuss how re-imagining and awakening go hand in hand with divorce. Stephanie talks about how thinking of doing divorce with an attitude of ‘what's in the next chapter?’ will enrich life in ways that couldn’t be done before. We close the episode by discussing how all women should tell their stories and how self-knowledge reveals all things. Tune in to learn how to embrace aging, divorce, and how going through something hard in life can change life for the better with some curiosity and gratitude.

In this episode:

[1:55] What led Stephanie to write books about aging. [4:40] Stephanie discusses how health & vitality are sexy and what opens up for us as we age. [5:55] She discusses the third act of one's life and how rewarding it is. [6:30] Stephanie talks about how her book and thinking can be applied to someone going through a divorce or a life-changing shift. [10:15] Why are people so afraid to age? [12:00] Stephanie's thoughts on empowerment and courage. [14:12] As we get older, how do we fit into this youth-oriented culture? [16:54] Journaling and how/why each woman’s story is important.

Key Takeaways:

Quotes:

“Empowerment is really something that grows up from the center, from the gut, of the woman, I believe, and it's something that needs to be claimed, examined, and understood as not a polite and pretty process but a powerful process.”

“When you are healthy, there is a sexiness to it because there is a vitality to it, there's juice to it.”

Guest Bio:

Stephanie Raffelock is the author of Creatrix Rising, Unlocking the Power of Midlife Women. (She Writes Press in August, 2021).  She also penned the award-winning, bestseller, A Delightful Little Book on Aging. A graduate of Naropa University’s program in Writing and Poetics, Stephanie was a contributor to The Rogue Valley Messenger, in Oregon.  She’s blogged for Nexus Magazine, Omaha Lifestyles, Care2.com as well as SixtyandMe.com. A former i-Heart Radio host, she is now a popular guest on podcasts, where she inspires women to embrace the strength and passion of their personal story.

Resources: 

Stephanie Rafflock's Website

Stephanie Raffelock's Instagram

Stephanie Raffelock's Facebook

Stephanie Raffelock's Books

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. We asked Shannon what her best tip is for taking a positive step forward that can be done today. She discusses intentionality, and how to move yourself forward. Divorce can be so demanding and chaotic, so deciding what you want to do today and being in touch with yourself as well as prioritizing yourself can allow some calmness to enter your life. Even if it’s something small, take an intentional step forward. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes; new releases every Tuesday.

Resources

Shannon’s Website

Shannon’s Instagram

Shannon’s LinkedIn

Shannon’s Facebook

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

In today’s episode, divorce and empowering life coach Shannon McGorry joins us to discuss how to change your mindset and take control in the chaos of divorce. Shannon discusses her three-step program to help women re-focus on themselves and take back control of their life amidst the challenges that come with divorce. She provides some excellent tips on how to work through triggers while in the thick of divorce and mediation. Tune in to get some amazing mindset tips to help you get through the tough choices, decisions, thoughts, and conversations that will arise during this phase of life.

In this episode:

[1:04] Introduction to Shannon McGorry, Divorce and Empowerment Coach. [3:50] How to find a way to work through the divorce. [5:40] Re-learning your identity, as well as uncovering what your needs and values are. [8:20] What is needed in life to feel the peace and value of freedom. [9:25] How to find accountability to uphold habits and what changes need to be made to honor your values. [10:10] What to do when you are in the middle of a divorce, tips on how to handle triggers.

Key Takeaways:

Uncovering your values while going through divorce can help you to harness who you are and who you want to become. Oftentimes our values are dishonored and trampled on during times of divorce with all the unknown, which can cause a lot of unease throughout this difficult time. Learning who you are at your core, what habits you need to put in place, and learning to feel peace in your life are very important ways to stay focused on moving yourself forward. Divorce does not have to define you, instead it can open up a way to uncover who you truly are.

Quotes:

“Divorce brings with it so many choices and decisions and thoughts and feelings and conversations and it can get the best of us in a New York minute so I really like to help clients to harness their mindset.” - Shannon McGorry

“Divorce cuts through the layers, and really exposes us again, we’re left standing not really sure of who that person is.” - Shannon McGorry

Guest Bio:

Shannon McGorry is a women’s empowerment coach and speaker. Having lived firsthand through the question of "What's Next?!" and the indescribable experience of divorce, she now helps other women walk their own road of redefinition, holding them accountable to their future. Certified as a Professional Coach through the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching and a graduate of I Heart Coaching, Shannon’s powerful coaching skills lead women toward lives of purpose, fulfillment, and joy!

Resources:

Shannon’s Website

Shannon’s Instagram

Shannon’s LinkedIn

Shannon’s Facebook

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week, Tracy Pleschourt asks listeners to set aside 10 minutes to identify their negative root beliefs that they have never considered to be untrue, and beliefs that they have identified themselves with.

This may take you back 10, 20, or 30 years.

Ask yourself, what beliefs have I carried forward throughout my life that I might just be operating from today? For example, Is it true that I am broken just because my parents divorced back in 1981? In what ways is that not true?

These are two compelling questions to ask yourself. Tracy warns us that it might be painful, but you're capable of feeling any emotion, including sadness. This includes the fear that you as a human being are capable of fearing feeling those emotions. Give yourself permission to heal.

Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes; new releases every Tuesday.

Resources

Website: https://www.self-madeu.com/

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Today we are joined by the Founder of Self-Made U, Tracy Pleschourt. Tracy is a life coach who helps men and women create Self-Made wealth and wellness. Tracy is also a child of divorce, a fact that defined her self worth for years. Tune in to learn how Tracy became a watcher of her thoughts, overcame her negative root beliefs, and why divorce is no longer a part of her identity.

In this episode:

Key Takeaways:

Quotes:

“Our brains will jump onto that dramatic bandwagon, if we are only making our decisions or creating beliefs from drama, it’s just going to perpetuate like a snowball rolling down a hill.” Tracy Pleschourt

“You are a watcher of your thoughts.” Tracy Pleschourt

Guest Bio: Tracy Pleschourt Life and Wellness Coach

Tracy Tracy Pleschourt, the Founder of Self-Made U helps men and women create Self-Made wealth and wellness through life coaching. Tracy has mastered and now teaches the critical skills necessary to manage your mind and overcome any obstacle, including overeating, over drinking, time management, career & relationship changes.

Just a few years ago, Tracy was a successful advertising executive. Stifled by the rigorous, time-consuming demands of the corporate world, she traded in her 20 years of advertising to pursue her real passion: life & weight loss coaching.

Tracy is a student of her own work and has stopped overeating, overdrinking, and created a multi six figure business while mastering metabolic health.  Today, Tracy coaches people all across the country who want to do the same.

Tracy dedicates her work to ambitious, life-long learners yearning for answers and seeking a better way to create the results they desire and deserve. She instills confidence and a call to action that leads to unlimited wealth and wellness.

Resources:

Self-Made-U Website

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

This episode is for children of divorce and their parent's.  Bella Duncan is a delightful 23 year old who comes to us all the way from Australia.   Her parents divorced when she was just 3 years old.  She now shares her insights through blogging on her webiste: A Kid with Two Homes.  Today we focus on one specific blog about Decision-making. Think about all the decisions kids of divorce must make.  We can view it as an opportunity to better prepare them for their futures by doing it right.  Here are Bella's tips from her blog:  

Decision Making Tips

1.     Determine what you want

To make a good decision, you need to be aware of what you want.

This is irrespective of what others may want.

2.     Find a balance

Identifying what you want is step number one, now it’s time to find a balance between what you want and what you need.

What does this mean? Well, from previous blogs, we know that it is important to maintain a relationship with your parents, however, not at the cost of your own happiness.

3.     Communicate your decision-making process

As with everything, Communication! Is! Key!

Why? Because you are not alone, and people want to help you with challenging decisions!

Motivated by putting her words into actions, Bella is an empowered kid of divorce who is determined to make change for the better. Currently 23, Bella has recently completed a Bachelor of Laws and a Bachelor of Psychology. Bella has gone between two homes since her parents divorced at age 3. Growing up in two homes, she experienced firsthand many of the issues children of divorce face. As a young adult she was inspired to provide a helpful resource to help kids of divorce feel seen, heard and less alone.  Find Bella here:

Website

Instagram

Meet our Host:

After 18 years of Elder Law and Family Law, Lesa Koski brings extensive experience to the complex area of Mediation.  Koski Law & Mediation offers:

1. A simple streamlined approach to Divorce with a peaceful outcome.

2. Attorney turned Mediator with a modest flat fee and unlimited communication.

3. At your side from start to finish and beyond.

Website:

Instagram:

Linkedin:

Facebook: 

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast