Doing Divorce Different with Lesa Koski

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one key takeaway that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Tosh Brittan joined me this week, and she has so many amazing nuggets that she shared with us on the podcast this week. We talked about her book Kindness for Conflict and how you can do it through a divorce. She talked about the benefits of cold water swimming and the benefits. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

The Divorce Goddess Resources 

Kindness for Conflict by Tosh Brittan 

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa Koski Online Courses

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

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Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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On today’s episode of Doing Divorce Different, I have Divorce Goddess, Tosh Brittan joining me. Tosh is such a bright light and I really enjoyed my conversation with her learning about what led her down the path of divorce coaching and her advice on choosing yourself. Tosh discusses how to create a choice of empowerment during divorce by being your own lighthouse. She talks about how cold plunging has helped her build her resilience, and finally what it’s like to be an empty nester. Tosh shares so many amazing nuggets during this episode, so make sure to tune in! 

In this episode:

[2:14] What led Tosh down her path of work? [6:10] Did Tosh’s ex spouse want to go through their divorce the same way she did? [8:16] How to create a choice of empowerment in your divorce. [15:16] What about when you are going through divorce with a narcissist or abuser? [18:33] Tosh discusses her cold plunges and how they’ve helped her build resilience. [25:32] How has Tosh dealt with being an empty-nester? [31:48] Why is writing out your feelings so purposeful and why does it work?

Key Takeaways: 

You have a choice, you can be in your lighthouse, be in power, do the work on yourself, or you can be a person who gets drawn down and gets lost in the mess and drama. You get to choose where you are coming from regardless of where your ex-spouse is coming from. Kindness is clever because you are taking ownership. Change the mindset from kindness being weak to being something you own. Be a better person. Your actions will speak and you’ll feel better about yourself, rather than stooping to their level of negativity. When becoming an empty-nester, explore who you are, what do you like about yourself? Self care is so important. There are four things that you can do if you are feeling lonely that will make you feel better. 

Quotes: 

“If you come from an authentic, honest, kind, place with yourself your operating at a really high vibration, authenticity is the highest  vibration we can offer and operate from, and what we can do is be there for ourselves. And what I realized is when I didn't look after myself I got myself into a bit of a state.” - Tosh Brittan

Guest Bio: 

Tosh Brittan has been a thought changer around divorce since 2014. Believing in a more integrated approach to this difficult, painful, and challenging life event. 

As a divorce coach, MBSR mindfulness teacher and Reiki master teacher Tosh’s client work focuses on emotional and mental well-being and she has created her unique divorce coaching brand - Kindness for Conflict®. 

Her blog began in 2014 at her kitchen table, to emotionally and mentally support others going through divorce. In 2019 she started the Divorce Goddess podcast  (which ranked #41 in the US and #16 UK Relationship charts).

The @divorcegoddess Instagram page is a testament to others seeking a kinder approach to divorce, with many positive, inspiring messages sent from followers worldwide.

Her book Kindness for Conflict is out January 2023 and she co-authored #1 Amazon Best Seller Category Personal Health Mindfulness for Challenging Times with Shamash Alidina and Ceremonies - The Art of Ritual Living with Holistic Fashionista and is a columnist for Expert Magazine.

Tosh loves cold water swimming and often takes a client for their first dip experience! Loves dancing (ex-clubber at heart) and is an empty nester Mum of two young amazing adults. She lives near the South Downs, Hampshire.

Resources: 

The Divorce Goddess Resources 

Kindness for Conflict by Tosh Brittan 

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Suzanne’s piece of advice is to take what other people tell you with a grain of salt, especially when it's something so significantly life changing for you. Get quiet and listen to what your voice is telling you. Stick with that, even if others disagree. Create a vision of what you want your divorce to look like and use that as your north star. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Divorce by Design

Divorce by Design Website

Suzanne Vickberg’s Instagram

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today's guest, Suzanne Vickberg, has a very unique story when it comes to how her and her ex handled their divorce. It’s been thirteen years of them continuing to live together, as one big family with her, her ex, his new wife, and their children. She talks about the pros and cons of her family living this way, how it has benefited their children, the challenges with dating and what their life looks like now. Suzanne talks about how they created a vision for life after divorce, and the feedback they received from others. Tune in to learn how to do divorce differently.

In this episode:

[2:56] How Suzanne did divorce differently. [5:02] What was Suzanne’s ex’s reaction to the thought of being divorced but still living together? [6:57] Some pros and cons of living together while being divorced. [9:46] Were either Suzanne or her ex children of divorce? [11:38] How did Suzanne and her ex communicate that they were getting divorced and how they would continue to live? [13:20] What will the household look like once both kids go off to college? [14:26] Do Suzanne and her ex still own the house together? [15:57] What was people’s feedback about their living situation?

[16:45] What made Suzanne want to write her books? [20:57] How can listeners think outside the box and look at other options? How can they get their spouse on board?

Key Takeaways:

There aren’t only two options, there are a variety of ways to deal with situations and circumstances. Look at all the options and ideas that you can come up with and decide if that's the best option for your family. Sit down and do a vision of what the best case divorce could look like. Even if it’s not what you wanted, what could the best case scenario look like? Once you're clear about where you’re going, even if you don’t ultimately land there, you can act intentionally and get closer than if you didn’t have a vision. Instead of taking everyone else’s advice or doing what society says is the right way to do it, talk with your ex and decide how you want to do it. It doesn’t have to look like continuing to live together, but it could look like spending the holidays together, or throwing birthday parties together, or keeping both your names on the house even though only one of you lives there. The options are endless so choose what's best for you and your family.

Quotes:

“I don't think I met a single person in the first two years at least, who ever said, hey, you’re really onto something. Everybody said, nope, that's a terrible idea. Whether they were friends, family, strangers, professionals. I just kind of said, well, I think it's a good idea.” - Suzanne Vickberg

Guest Bio:

Dr. Suz is a social-personality psychologist and a leading practitioner of Deloitte’s Business Chemistry, which she uses to guide clients as they explore how their work is shaped by the mix of individuals who make up a team. Along with her Deloitte Greenhouse colleague Kim Christfort, Suzanne co-authored the book Business Chemistry: Practical Magic for Crafting Powerful Work Relationships as well as a Harvard Business Review cover feature on the same topic.

Resources: 

Divorce by Design

Divorce by Design Website

Suzanne Vickberg’s Instagram

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Lauren Reitsema shared the importance of communicating with your child(ren) about the divorce by being certain, sharing the timeline and being as specific with details of what the future will look like. Have the conversation in a neutral place, as it's a conversation that they’ll remember forever. Allow your children to feel the pain and their emotions, don’t sugar coat the conversation about how things will be better. She also gives some great tips on dating after divorce. You don’t want to miss it! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Lauren Reitsema’s Facebook

Lauren Reitsema’s Instagram

In Their Shoes by Lauren Reitsema

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today I am honored to have author and communication specialist Lauren Reitsema on the show. Lauren has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to preparing children for divorce and starting a new relationship post divorce. Lauren gives wonderful advice about talking with children and what information to provide them with as you are in the beginning steps of a divorce. She also talks about the importance of taking ownership and understanding what areas you may have to work on after the divorce, even if it’s just 1%. Tune in for tips on how to make a divorce a little bit easier with children. 

In this episode:

[2:35] How Lauren came to be a communication expert in this field. [6:07] What was the path that Lauren’s parents went through during their 2 year separation and what brought them to the decision to divorce? [11:26] Lauren shares her advice for parents telling their children that they are getting a divorce. [17:50] How should you make decisions about dating and introducing children to a dating relationship? [24:14] How can we find hope post divorce that our next relationship will be healthy and successful? [27:09] What does it mean to take ownership in the divorce? 

Key Takeaways: 

The human spirit wants peace, connection, and a world where everyone is truly being kind and loving well, but very few of us are shown resources on how to do this. Kids want to know, they want to understand what is happening, so be clear to them, give them dates and other concrete information that they can know and be aware of. Hiding it and just continuing on with life without having a conversation on the why leaves the children feeling lost and confused. In order to move forward with life post divorce and even into new relationships, take the time to find ownership in your part of the divorce, and reflect on what you can work on/improve so you are equipped to move on and have a different relationship in the future. 

Quotes: 

“If you can see those two relationships totally independently, I think you'll have more success. Nurture the romantic context, the romantic adult boundaries as you would, and allow the children to kind of date you as well in their own time, at their own pace, with their own language and core. Because if you immediately project that you care about them like you do for their parent, it's seen in most cases as very dishonest and a little bit presumptuous.” - Lauren Reitsema 

“Look at yourself with a very objective lens. Find some people who you can hear hard things from and say, ‘what did I do that contributed to this in a way that I know I need to change before another person enters in’ because the other person that you find is not gonna be the magic pill that makes your life harmonious.” - Lauren Reitsema

Guest Bio: 

Lauren’s interest in relationship skills began when her parents divorced after almost 20 years of marriage. Seeking to understand better patterns for her own future legacy, she earned a Bachelor’s degree in Communication Studies from TCU. Lauren is the author of In Their Shoes, a book dedicated to helping parents better understand and connect with children of divorce. Her newest book, Relationship Essentials, released November 16th, 2021 and features skills to help people feel heard, fight fair, and set boundaries in all areas of life. Lauren is the Interim President of The Center for Relationship Education, headquartered in Denver, CO, and her vocational speaking experience spans over 20 years. She teaches a variety of relationship skills to teens, adults and corporate teams.

Resources: 

Lauren Reitsema’s Facebook

Lauren Reitsema’s Instagram

In Their Shoes by Lauren Reitsema

Lesa Koski Website

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one key takeaway that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Mikki Gardner shares how to build the muscle of pausing and giving yourself the space to figure out what is the next most loving decision. Learning how to pause, and step back, and give yourself the space will help you calm down. When you are in a calm state you can make different decisions rather than react to situations. This teaches you to be conscious and awake in the decisions and actions that you are doing. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Mikki Gardner

Mikki Gardner Instagram

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa Koski Online Courses

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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On this week's episode of Doing Divorce Different, Mikki Gardner joins the podcast to talk about breaking the cycle and navigating toxic communication in co-parenting relationships. Mikki provides some insightful tips around working through toxic co-parenting, how to stay in control of your own emotions, and reduce the triggers that may be experienced from an ex spouse. She talks about how to navigate different parenting styles and how to stay true to your values and vision of parenting. Tune in today for this incredible episode packed full of useful nuggets. 

In this episode:

[02:00] Mikki shares her story of how she got into the work she is doing. [08:08] What does Mikki's family structure look like now? [09:48] How does Mikki recommend people work through toxic co-parenting? [13:48] What does Mikki do with conscious co-parenting? [16:25] How can people respond rather than react? [22:20] How can you navigate different parenting styles?

Key Takeaways: 

Parenting is not about the child. Parenting is about the parent, co-parenting is no different. Don’t lose sight of what's important, which is the child. Keep your kid centered, don’t pull them back and forth between the parents. When you are feeling reactive or triggered, pause and step back and realize that you do not have to respond right away. Determine what it is you are seeking and what you want to do before you respond.  You get to be in charge of your home, what you believe, and how you parent, but you also have to allow the other co-parent to do the same in their household. 

Quotes: 

“And after a lot of trying and a lot of things, I came to the realization that I was the example to my son of what it looked like to be a woman, to be a wife, to be a mom, to be a sister, all the things. But, was I being an example of a woman and a wife and a mom that I would want him to use as his standard? And the answer overwhelmingly was no. And so in that moment I understood that I had to go a different direction, and I had no idea what that looked like.” - Mikki Gardner

“You always have a choice, but as long as you are reacting to your triggers, you are in a state of survival. You're not in a state of making calm, rational decisions. So first and foremost, we have to learn when we're triggered, how to calm ourselves down so that we can make good choices.” - Mikki Gardner

“The first thing I do with each of my clients is create a vision for their life. This is so important because we can't continue to live in a reactionary state just doing what we don't want. We have to create a destination, a lighthouse of sorts that tells us where we want to go because the storm is gonna come. The night is gonna be dark. We're not gonna be able to see our way, so we need to have that sort of lighthouse vision of where we're going.” Mikki Gardner

Guest Bio: 

Mikki Gardner is a certified life coach through the Life Coach School and trained to help women sort out the overwhelm, confusion, fear, and self-doubt they feel after divorce. 

She is certified in the Conscious Parenting Method as well as Applied Positive Psychology where she is trained to help moms move past their limiting beliefs, unravel the patterns of their past and become strong, effective, loving parents. 

Resources: 

Mikki Gardner

Mikki Gardner Instagram

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Bridget’s first piece of advice was when talking to your spouse about divorce, don’t look backwards. Give them the information in a business-like way if you can, and then allow them the time to examine their feelings. Also, focus on practicing gratitude. Find one small thing each day to be grateful for. This can help turn your mindset around. You can write your gratitude in your journal, go outside, be in nature, go for a walk, get some exercise, whatever helps your mindset the most. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Bridge Your Divorce Website

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today we are joined by divorce coach, Bridget Leschinsky. Bridget shares what a divorce coach is and how people can save money by utilizing one. Having gone through a divorce herself, she is experienced in what the process looks like, and the gaps that people run into while going through divorce. She gives advice on telling your spouse that you want a divorce, to working together on a co-parenting relationship, and how to tell your children. Bridget also gives mindset tips on dealing with triggering situations. Tune in for some insight and tips from an experienced divorce coach!

In this episode:

[1:03] Bridget’s authentic story. [4:02] What is a divorce coach? [6:46] What does the first call with a divorce coach look like? [8:35] How does Bridget recommend a spouse to talk about their feelings and decision to move forward with divorce. [10:02] How does she advise telling your kids about the decision to go through divorce? [12:26] How can spouses prepare to work with a divorce coach? [14:35] How does Bridget work with clients on the emotional aspects of divorce? [16:12] How does someone find their best self and their values? [17:17] What can people do when they are triggered during the divorce process? [19:05] How does Bridget help people with their co-parenting communication?

Key Takeaways: 

The average divorce is probably $20-$30k. Look at your options, if you can be at least somewhat collaborative, look into a divorce coach and a mediator to reduce costs. Understanding triggers before you go into the conversation, seeing the warnings and then catching yourself and not falling into the trap can really help in their marriage, going through a divorce, and in future relationships. Taking care of yourself and operating from the high road, and a place of positivity oftentimes will push the other person to move to the high road. It’s contagious to be around someone who is being positive. 

Quotes: 

“That to me is someone you can call on, and they can give your referrals to other professionals that they need, they can open up ideas, concerns. They can help you focus forward on what you want at the end of the divorce. They can help you think of a divorce budget, a lot of people don't think when they go into a divorce what do I want to budget for the divorce. We budget for school, retirement, a new home, but we don’t budget with our divorce, we just go in blindly.” - Bridget Leschinsky

Guest Bio: 

Going through a divorce can be one of the most traumatic and costly experiences. As someone who went through divorce, with two small children, I know divorce is an overwhelming process and hard on the whole family. Even if you initiate the paperwork, you can feel like a failure. 

As a CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, CDC Certified Transition and Recovery Coach® and Family Mediator, I do not advocate for divorce, but the reality of divorce happens. I decided to utilize my lifelong passion for helping others along with my professional training to guide people through the chaos of divorce. My main goal is to encourage families to be their best selves throughout the divorce process in order to minimize the negative effects on the children and be able to co-parent successfully after the divorce. I work with individuals who are thinking about divorce, going through a divorce, or transition and healing after a divorce. 

CDC Certified Divorce Coach®

Certified Transition and Recovery Coach®

Qualified neutral under Rule 114 of the Minnesota General Rules of Practice

Proud Member of:

Collaborate Law Institute of Minnesota

International Academy of Collaborative Professionals

American Bar Association 

Resources: 

Bridge Your Divorce Website

Lesa Koski Website

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast