Doing Divorce Different with Lesa Koski

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. When you are co-parenting, you are no longer parenting as a couple. Your marriage is over, but your relationship will go on forever because of the children that you share. So how should you communicate with your ex-spouse to keep as much peace as possible? Karen shares how to parent skillfully in Tuesday’s episode, you don’t want to miss it! Tune in today to learn how. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Karen S Bonnell Website

The Co-Parenting Handbook

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa Koski Online Courses

Lesa Koski Resources

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Today I am joined by consultant, mentor, and writer Karen Bonnell. She is author of The Co-Parenting Handbook, which helps parents work through the end of their relationship with their children in mind. Karen talks with us about teasing apart your marriage relationship into a co-parenting relationship. She gives great tips and strategies from her book and tells how to keep the focus on your children. Tune in today to hear refreshing ideas, learn skills, and understand the possibilities to build a strong co-parenting relationship.

In this episode:

[2:37] What led Karen down the path to help families co-parent better? [5:31] What made Karen write her book The Co-Parenting Handbook?[8:44] Karen shares key take-a-ways from her book. [12:00] How do you start to tease apart your marriage relationship to a co-parenting relationship? [14:40] How can you best communicate with your soon to be ex spouse when you are feeling triggered? [20:34] How do you keep focus on the child? [22:07] Karen shares the most important strategy she uses with co-parents. [26:26] Karen shares a final piece of advice that listeners can start with today. 

Key Takeaways: 

When you are splitting up from your spouse, you can no longer have a conversation like you are married. Set up time to discuss a topic and stick to only that topic. A meeting to discuss the children, a meeting to discuss assets, etc. Remember that co-parenting is not an option. It is going to happen either way, so put your child(ren) in the focus and make decisions that will benefit them. Take into account not only your feelings but the feeling that your soon to be ex is also experiencing. Find compassion, and take a step away when you notice that they are feeling triggered. 

Quotes: 

“Co-parenting is not an option. The question isn't whether we’re going to co-parent, the question is how skillfully will I show up as a co-parent.” - Karen Bonnell

“I can learn the skills, I'm gonna show up, that's my gift to my children, it's the best I can do.” - Karen Bonnell

“We sit in this fire, we work with the fire, we calm down the fire, and then we take those zims and we rebuild the family. It's this time it's gonna be a two home family. We're not gonna let it just lay there in ashes. We're gonna cultivate something that's really gonna help children thrive.” - Karen Bonnell

Guest Bio: 

Karen will help you answer the question, “What’s best for kids?” …and build a firm foundation as you restructure your family. Parents receive guidance for how to keep kids central and parenting strong – even under difficult circumstances. Karen has culled her knowledge and skills from 40 years as a psychotherapist / psychiatric nurse practitioner (retired) to inform today’s coaching: Her ability to provide you not only a safe harbor to explore concerns, but also to gain insight into best practices as you plan for two-home family life and beyond … even as you begin dating again or creating a stepfamily.

For professionals, Karen is available for consultation anytime you hope that two heads will be better than one. There may be information, resources, referrals you need – don’t hesitate to ask. If you’re a representative of a group, organization or law firm seeking advanced training – forward-thinking methodologies and skills – Karen’s nationally sought-after programs are described under Mentoring Services. Please reach out with questions and for additional information.

Resources: 

Karen S Bonnell's Website

The Co-Parenting Handbook

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Do you find yourself running from uncomfortable feelings such as sadness? It may feel icky, but if you have the courage to dig into it, you’ll find confidence in your decisions and the circumstances you are experiencing. You can feel sadness AND joy. Tune in today to learn how. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Free Consultation with Tracy

Tracy Pleschourt Instagram

Tracy Pleschourt Website

Tracy Pleschourt Facebook

Tracy Pleschourt LinkedIn

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa Koski Online Courses

Lesa Koski Resources

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

On today’s episode, I brought Tracy back to go more in depth regarding confidence, and then do some coaching with me about my sadness around becoming an empty nester. Tracy walks through the 4 C’s of confidence, and discusses how to work through each step to gain confidence for each circumstance you are facing. We then take 10 minutes to dive into what I am experiencing as I become an empty nester, and Tracy coaches me through my feelings and what the truth actually is for me. Tune in today to get a sneak peek into coaching, and to understand gaining your own confidence. 

In this episode:

[2:39] What are the 4 C’s of confidence? [9:50] Lesa goes through the 4 C’s with her topic of becoming an empty-nester. [14:10] How to avoid judging the feelings that you are experiencing. [15:56] How do you remember your courage and confidence when you keep backtracking to heavy feelings? [20:09] How do you make the decision that you do want to feel good about it? [25:03] What is Tracy’s mission through her coaching? 

Key Takeaways: 

Feeling sadness is the only reason that you can feel joy and visa versa. The only reason you can feel sadness is because you have the context of feeling joy. Have the courage to look at your feelings, that will unleash a whole new world of finding confidence in your situation. Confidence isn’t something that you can flip the script on. You have to work through the feelings and thoughts that you are experiencing, and go through the 4 C’s in order to become fully confident in your circumstances. 

Quotes: 

“Most of us do not believe that we have the capacity to feel these emotions. That’s what leads to a lot of addictions. We then try to buffer with food, with alcohol, we do things to make that feeling go away or to numb it.” - Tracy Pleschourt 

“It doesn’t have to be an either or. Don’t forget that you can feel sad and you can feel at peace. You can feel sad and you can feel excited. It doesn't have to be an either or, think about it as an AND, that will help you allow that sadness to be there and be excited and be at peace.” - Tracy Pleschourt 

“The only reason you feel the sadness is because you were gifted the opportunity to feel the exact opposite, it afforded you that opportunity. So you always have that baked in, built in circumstance to be really grateful and appreciative of.” - Tracy Pleschourt 

Guest Bio: 

Tracy Pleschourt, the Founder of Self-Made U helps men and women create Self-Made wealth and wellness through life coaching. Tracy has mastered and now teaches the critical skills necessary to manage your mind and overcome any obstacle, including overeating, over drinking, time management, career & relationship changes.

Resources: 

Free Consultation with Tracy

Tracy Pleschourt Instagram

Tracy Pleschourt Website

Tracy Pleschourt Facebook

Tracy Pleschourt LinkedIn

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. How can you feel confident about getting divorced? Learn how to become aware of what you are feeling and how to know when you are confident in the decision you are making. Once you’ve made the decision, write down why so you can reflect on that information if you start having doubts in the future. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Tracy Pleschourt Instagram

Tracy Pleschourt Website

Tracy Pleschourt Facebook

Tracy Pleschourt LinkedIn

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Today, I have Tracy Pleschourt from Self Made U back on the podcast! We are talking about how to feel confident in your decisions. Tracy talks about how to know if you are ready to make a big decision in your life, and the best ways to really sit with that decision to ensure you are making it from the best place possible. She also explains our primitive and prodigy brains and how they can work against each other. The tips Tracy shares hold true whether you are making decisions about work, life, business, or divorce, so tune in to learn how to feel confident in your decisions. 

In this episode:

[3:01] How do you know when you are ready to take action and make a decision? [6:15] How do you know if you have all the information you need to make a decision? [9:53] What actions can you take to make sure you are making the right decision? Tracy walks through an example of someone finding out their significant other cheated on them. [11:13] How do our primitive and prodigy sides of our brain work? [16:34] Why does divorce create a feeling of suffrage and how do you work through it? 

Key Takeaways: 

When you come up on a situation that has you feeling like you have to make a decision, take a step back and ask yourself “what feeling is driving that action?” Don’t make a big decision from a feeling of desperation. Once you’ve made a decision that you feel confident in, write down why you like the decision that you made. The likelihood that you’ll come back to the decision you made and feel unsure is high, so having it written down will help calm your brain. As humans, we are expected to feel every emotion. That is good for us, it helps keep us aware, and is a necessary part of life. Learning WHEN to make decisions that go along with the feelings we are experiencing is a skill that needs to be learned. 

Quotes: 

“Any good decision that you make, requires fact finding. It requires you to tap into resources and referencing any sort of mentoring, any sort of resource you might need yet to tap into, you might need to remind yourself that you have already tapped into it.” - Tracy Pleschourt  

“If your goal is to feel confident in the decision that you made, you've got to back up from the action of making the decision, and find what feeling is driving you.” - Tracy Pleschourt 

“When you are feeling the pain, or you are feeling the terror, that is a human response, we are all supposed to experience all of the emotions available to us, including suffrage, including terror, but we don't want to suffer unnecessarily or compound that suffering with judgment that sounds like you shouldn't. Have some compassion, have some grace for yourself, show yourself some empathy.” - Tracy Pleschourt  

Guest Bio: 

Tracy Pleschourt, the Founder of Self-Made U helps men and women create Self-Made wealth and wellness through life coaching. Tracy has mastered and now teaches the critical skills necessary to manage your mind and overcome any obstacle, including overeating, over drinking, time management, career & relationship changes.

Resources: 

Tracy Pleschourt Instagram

Tracy Pleschourt Website

Tracy Pleschourt Facebook

Tracy Pleschourt LinkedIn

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Is divorce keeping you up at night? If so, take a minute to shift your mindset and accept that while things have changed, you now have the opportunity to reevaluate your financial values, understand your finances, and change anything you want about your money situation. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions

Watch Her Thrive Facebook Group

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Doing Divorce Different Soberlink

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different
The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Today I am joined by Leah Hadley, the Founder and CEO of Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions. Leah is on the show to talk about financial preparation before, during, and after a divorce. She provides some incredible tips on how to set yourself up so you are knowledgeable about your finances as well as planning for the next steps. Leah provides a full list of items in this episode for you to collect throughout the divorce to be successful. Tune in today so you can be prepared! 

In this episode:

[2:04] What led Leah to help people through finances and divorce? [7:52] What things should people prepare before a divorce? [11:04] Is there ever a negative implication for running your credit report? [12:10] How to get the education to be knowledgeable during the divorce process. [16:03] What questions do you need to ask yourself when splitting up assets to ensure that you have financial security? [20:13] What to look at and how to set yourself up for success post divorce. 

Key Takeaways: 

Divorce provides you with an opportunity to determine your own values. Many times we negotiate our values or lose sight of them while in a marriage, so this is a time to reclaim your life. Many people find themselves in a way after divorce that is truly beautiful. Understanding the current financial situation is essential when going into a divorce. Being aware of what the budget is, what your fixed expenses are, and where there is financial liquidity will lead to coming out on the other side in a better situation. Things will likely shift post divorce as far as expenses and the luxuries that you are able to have. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as you may end up realizing that you feel better in a different home or with a different vehicle. Less financial stress leads to a more peaceful life and home. 

Quotes: 

“If you're stressed, you're financially strapped to try to stay in this home, that just creates a lot more angst around the whole financial situation, and it just gets worse. It doesn't get easier, it compounds if you’re already in a tight financial situation.” - Leah Hadley 

“When you get to reclaim your life in this next chapter, you get to decide what am I going to prioritize, what are my values?” - Leah Hadley

Guest Bio: 

As the Founder/CEO of Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions and Great Lakes Investment Management, Leah strives to help clients secure their financial independence through a strategic financial planning process. 

Leah is a sought-after speaker on overcoming financial setbacks, avoiding financial mistakes in divorce, and overcoming financial abuse. She has contributed to numerous books and online publications and is the author of When It's Just Not Working: A Practical Divorce Guide for Stay-At-Home Moms. She earned her BA from Bryn Mawr College and holds an MA from Ursuline College. In addition to being an Accredited Financial Counselor (AFC) and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Leah is a trained mediator with 100+ hours of training in conflict resolution. 

Above all, Leah truly enjoys helping her clients succeed and reach their most cherished goals. Actively involved in her local community, she is a longtime member of the Rotary, the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO), and the PTA. Leah enjoys reading, hiking, and spending time with her three children and four dogs in her spare time.

Resources: 

Great Lakes Divorce Financial Solutions

Watch Her Thrive Facebook Group

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different  

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week I had marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns  on the show. He talks about being intentional and planning what you're going to say to your loved ones when going through a divorce. Whether you are telling your in-laws, friends, or even your adult children, Brian has some great tips to work together and communicate in a positive way. Tune in to hear some language you can use to set the stage for an intentional conversation. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Brian Burns Website

Bad Weather Podcast

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Doing Divorce Different Soberlink

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns, is back again! Today we are talking about how to tell your parents and loved ones that you are getting divorced. Brian has some fantastic advice about navigating family relationships during divorce and creating an intentional message that you and your spouse will share with loved ones. We also talk about maintaining relationships with your ex-family if desired. Brian discusses how to approach telling adult children about a divorce decision and how it may be harder for them than younger children to understand the decision. Tune in today for great tips!

In this episode:

[2:38] How do you navigate family relationships during divorce?

[5:06] How do you make a plan to tell your families that you’ll be getting divorced? [7:40] Communicating the divorce decision when there isn’t a “big reason” why the divorce is happening. [10:48] Creating an intentional message about what you share to your loved ones. [14:19] Tips to maintain relationships with your ex-family. [16:13] How do you approach your adult children about your divorce decision? [18:44] Sharing news on social media about your marriage ending. [22:41] Brian provides his best piece of advice when telling loved ones about divorce. 

Key Takeaways: 

Have a plan about the message that you want to put out to the world. Hopeful and positive, sharing the bad news of what’s happening in a way that gives enough information to help people understand, but not so much that it violates privacy and hurts people. Talk to your families about your expectations of continued relationships. For example, that you won’t tolerate any negative talk in front of your children about your ex-spouse. With minor children, adult children, and family, you cannot put them in the middle. For adult children, your divorce may be harder for them, as they can feel the emotional weight of the decision. 

Quotes: 

“As adults we recognize the gravity and emotional weight of things like this, where younger children just don’t have the capacity to really contemplate things that heavy.” - Brian Burns

“Nothing that we're gonna say is more important than love and the care that we have for you, for our family, for our kids, for each other, even though it's bad news. And that just set the tone for continuing relationships. Nothing that we say is going to get in the way of our relationships.” - Brian Burns

Guest Bio: 

I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved. I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.

Resources: 

Brian Burns Website

Bad Weather Podcast

The Grey Divorce Podcast Episode

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different  

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast