Doing Divorce Different with Lesa Koski

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. On this week's episode we talked about dealing with triggers and how to love yourself enough to give empathy. If you are feeling triggered, notice the feeling, take a deep breath, and realize that you do not have to react to it at that moment. You can walk away, think about it, and decide if there needs to be a discussion at a later time when you are not feeling triggered. Tune in for more great tips! Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes, new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Journey Beyond Divorce

Book Your Free Coaching Call

Get Your FREE Divorce Survival Kit!

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Lesa’s Masterclass

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.

Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today is part 1 of a 2 part episode with Karen McMahon, the founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. During this episode we discuss managing triggers while dealing with a high conflict co-parenting relationship. Karen discusses how to set boundaries and alleviate obstacles that may get in the way. She explains emotional energy and how to uplevel the energy you are projecting in order to benefit yourself but also hopefully raise the energy of your co-parent. Tune in for great tips on boundary setting and don’t miss next week’s episode about becoming a boundary bad ass!

In this episode:

[4:01] What was Karen’s experience with her divorce? [6:07] What did Lesa learn to do when she is feeling triggered? [9:05] What was the boundary challenge Karen did recently? [11:05] Lesa and Karen share tools for dealing with high-conflict co-parenting. [15:50] Karen talks about the chapters and waves that we go through. [17:17] Karen discusses the circumstances that can arise with co-parenting and how to handle them.  [18:00] How do you alleviate the obstacles? [25:02] How did Karen deal with her triggers from her ex during their divorce? 

Key Takeaways: 

Your triggers are not from your marriage, they are from something that happened in your childhood. Look at the trigger poking as an opportunity of shining the light on the wounds that you still need to heal. If your boundary is not being honored, you honor it. Go about your business, and follow your boundary whether the person you are trying to apply it to adheres to it or not. There are 7 different levels of emotional energy. When we dive right into the fight, we’re coming from a low level, high conflict energy. Instead think about how you can be kind and compassionate to yourself, ask yourself if you have to respond, and raise your energy to almost forgiveness and compassion.

Quotes: 

“Isn’t it interesting that taking care of yourself and your mind is actually affecting that other high-conflict person?” - Lesa Koski 

“That trigger predates your marriage. Our triggers never begin at our marriage, they begin in our childhood, so there’s work to be done.” - Karen McMahon

Guest Bio: 

Karen founded Journey Beyond Divorce in 2010, after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation.

During her three and a half year tumultuous divorce, Karen’s life began to improve exponentially. With much hard work, she embraced her new life, created healthy friendships, found her true voice, and learned to set suitable boundaries and let go of what she could not control.

Learning to live a healthy enlivened life is something that we can share with our children, creating thriving relationships with them while helping them grow emotionally strong and healthy.                        

Karen is the mother of two emerging adults, a graduate of the world’s leading coaching institute, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) and a Certified Member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

Karen’s other accomplishments include work as a NYS Lobbyist, Health Advocate, Community Organizer, and Chairperson of a NYS non-profit organization, Director of Sales and Marketing, and successful small business owner.

Resources: 

Journey Beyond Divorce

Book Your Free Coaching Call

Get Your FREE Divorce Survival Kit!

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Lesa’s Masterclass

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home.

Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse. If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for 24/7 Confidential Support: 800-799-7233

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Understanding what an abusive relationship looks like can be truly life changing for yourself or someone you love. Hiring a coach to help you navigate divorce after an abusive relationship, whether financial, emotional, physical or mental, can be a very empowering decision so that you can move forward with your life in the best way possible while also uncovering your identity post divorce. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Her Empowered Divorce Website

Her Empowered Divorce Instagram

Her Empowered Divorce Podcast

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Lesa’s Masterclass

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent.  You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. 

Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse. National Domestic Violence Hotline for 24/7 Confidential Support: 800-799-7233

Today I am joined by Beverly Price, founder of Her Empowered Divorce. Beverly shares signs of abuse that people most often experience, the signs of abuse, as well as the fact that some people don’t even realize they are in an abusive relationship. Beverly is a big proponent of bringing awareness to domestic abuse and is even putting on an awareness program this month. Beverly talks about the benefits of hiring a coach to help you prior to the divorce, during, and after to come from an empowering position. Tune in today to hear her red flags and learn how a coach can help you through this difficult time. 

In this episode:

Key Takeaways: 

Quotes: 

“Abuse is really about power and control. It's not necessarily about the money, it's not necessarily about sex. It's about power and control in any of the forms.” - Beverly Price

“Don’t condone domestic violence by your silence. Let's combat it with awareness. Let's shift from condoning to condemning.” - Beverly Price

Guest Bio: 

I am Beverly Price, a passionate separation, divorce, empowerment and pre-mediation coach, as well as a podcast host on a mission. Through my own personal journey of overcoming obstacles, I have emerged as a fighter, and now I want to change the lives of women just like you. I am committed to empowering and instilling confidence in women navigating the journey of divorce. My mission is to help these women embrace their innate confidence, beauty, and empowerment, empowering them to step forward and claim their rightful place in the world. Together, let us embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, where you can rewrite your own story and reclaim your power. The time has come for you to flourish and thrive, and I am here to guide you every step of the way.

Resources: 

Her Empowered Divorce Website

Her Empowered Divorce Instagram

Her Empowered Divorce Podcast

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Lesa’s Masterclass

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass will share tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent.  You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. Register for free today at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Today, Lesa is reflecting on her conversation with Tami Wollensak, a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®). Tami shared all of the things to consider about your mortgage when negotiating a divorce settlement. Whether you are considering keeping your home or selling your home or maybe even keeping the home together after a divorce, Tuesday’s insightful episode is for you. Tami’s key takeaway from the episode is to surround yourself with experienced professionals when you are going through a divorce. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Divorce Essentials: A Guide To A Successful Split

Book A Meeting with Tami

Take Or Leave The House Website

Tami’s Facebook

Tami’s LinkedIn

Tami’s Instagram

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Today we are joined by Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®), Tami Wollensak. Tami shares how she helps her clients before they sign their settlement agreement by creating different options for them and making them aware of what those options look like, allowing them to make a better informed decision, and ultimately have a better divorce. Tami also shares advice on what to look for when considering negotiating a new mortgage after divorce, or keeping your current mortgage. Tune in today to learn more from a CDLP and receive a free resource. 

In this episode:

[1:30] Tami shares why she became a CDLP. [4:30] What to look out for regarding rising interest rates and negotiating a new/current mortgage. [7:00] Tami shares her thoughts on keeping the home for the kids. [10:50] Tami and Lesa discuss their resource that they’ve created for Doing Divorce Different listeners. [14:00] Tami shares her thoughts on owning a home together after a divorce. [18:17] Tami discusses interest rates and creating a customized Divorce Mortgage Plan. [23:00] Tami’s advice on building a team of professionals around you through your divorce. 

Key Takeaways: 

Knowing what you are signing up for helps bring peace to you and gives you clarity on what your divorce budget will look like. It’s really important to make sure that you know what you are doing and what you are signing up for during your divorce settlement. It’s not about having a big giant house and a mortgage that you can’t handle, it’s about creating a safe space for your children, a warm and loving environment that they feel loved in. Divorce Settlements are not a one size fits all, so it’s important to work with a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®) to create a plan that works best for you and your family, and ultimately, have a better divorce. 

Quotes: 

“I realized I could make a difference by helping people before they sign their divorce settlement by creating different options for them and making them aware of what those options look like, then they could make a better informed decision for them and their families, and ultimately have a better divorce.” Tami Wollensak

Guest Bio: 

Tami Wollensak is a licensed mortgage loan originator and a 28+ year veteran of the industry, she has experience working in multiple roles and facets of the industry. She has discovered her true passion in helping divorcing individuals navigate their home equity solutions and mortgage options while going through the most challenging time of their life.

Tami has earned the certification as a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP®). This specialization provides the ability to identify potential gaps in the agreement that cannot be met during the mortgage process. Tami works with her client’s attorney, coach, mediator, or financial advisor to help guide them through all the options available to ensure a successful outcome regarding the divorcing couple’s real estate or future purchase. Tami has been a guest on multiple podcasts, speaks regularly and contributes to many media outlets on divorce mortgage planning and helping divorcing

homeowners to make better and more informed decisions when it comes to their real property.

As a Mortgage Loan Originator, Tami’s goal is to educate her clients, take the mystery and anxiety out of the mortgage process, and provide a sense of security and peace to each of them. Tami can lend in all 50 states. (NMLS #1963450)

Resources: 

Divorce Essentials: A Guide To A Successful Split

Book A Meeting with Tami

Take Or Leave The House Website

Tami’s Facebook

Tami’s LinkedIn

Tami’s Instagram

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week on the podcast, Brian Burns joined me to talk about strategies to get through being away from your children after divorce. We talked about how to stay connected with your children while they are away at the other parents home and how to use that time as an opportunity to work on yourself and feel your emotions. Tune in to learn the great tips that Brain has to offer to ensure you are more intentional with your time with your children. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources: 

⁠Brian Burns Website⁠

⁠Lesa Koski Website⁠

⁠Lesa’s Online Courses⁠

⁠Doing Divorce Different Soberlink⁠

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit ⁠https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different⁠

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses.⁠ Download The Onward App⁠ today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today I am joined by Brian Burns, who has been on the show many times, and is just one of my favorite family therapists! He always has such great insight and tips to share with my listeners. For this episode, Brian is talking about how to parent beyond divorce and cope with seeing your children less. He gives wonderful tips about how to navigate a difficult co-parenting relationship, and how to maintain connection with your children even when they are at the other parent's house. Tune in to ease your mind about not being with your children as much and how to make your time with them even more intentional. 

In this episode:

[4:04] How do we not get baited into conflict while co-parenting? 

[6:12] What do you do if you cannot co-parent with your ex?

[11:47] Does Brian agree that if kids are with a healthy parent 50% of the time that they’ll be fine? 

[13:19] How do we let go and accept that you won’t be with your kid every night?

[20:48] Brian gives advice for helping parents who are adjusting to co-parenting with young kids.

Key Takeaways: 

You can only choose how you act, you are only 50% of your co-parenting relationship. Take responsibility for what you can, and be the best parent that you can be for your children. Focus on what is important to you, and be intentional with the time you have with your children.  

While adjusting to a co-parenting schedule, remember the love that the other parent has for the children. It is often true that your ex spouse is a good parent, maybe just not a great co-parent. They love your children and are doing the best they can be doing. 

Stay connected with your children when they aren't with you, but don’t make it about you. Utilize technology to send a message letting them know that you are thinking of them, and as a way to stay connected. It’s a beautiful thing when technology can be used in a positive way, plus it can reduce the need for you and your ex to talk to each other. 

Quotes: 

“You are your own boss, you find your own direction, decision making, judgment from within yourself, and you don’t look to other people to define you or to be in charge of how you feel, or to make you feel good about yourself. Having an internal focus of control or an internal sense of yourself that you're in charge of yourself is the answer.” - Brian Burns

“Remind yourself that it’s not about you, remind yourself that the best parents do let their kids go. That our job is to make it so that they don’t need us anymore.” - Brian Burns

Guest Bio: 

I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved.

​

I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.

Resources: 

Brian Burns Website

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Doing Divorce Different Soberlink

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing that our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Learning how to be in a parallel parenting relationship can make a huge difference in your children’s life. This saddle up segment talks about how to manage a parallel parenting situation, setting boundaries, and how to follow your parenting plan for your child's safety. Tune in today to learn how. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources:

Sample Court Order and Workshop Workbook

Podcast Companion Journal

Co-Parent Dilemmas Website

Non-Impossible Facebook Group

LinkedIn Professionals Group

Co-Parent Dilemmas Instagram

Dianne's Twitter

Co-Parent Dilemmas YouTube Channel

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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On this week's podcast I am joined by the hosts of Co-Parent Dilemmas, Diane Dierks and Rick Voyles. Diane and Rick discuss parallel parenting and how they mediate with parents going through a divorce. They give some amazing tips on how to set boundaries and work alongside your child’s other parent, while still maintaining how you want to support your child. Rick and Diane talk about why a parenting plan is so important, not only to have in place, but also how it supports and protects the children. Tune in today to learn about different types of co-parenting and how to utilize the parenting plan to do what's best for your child. 

In this episode:

[2:20] Diane introduces who she is and how she got into the co-parent support space.  [4:52] Rick shares with us how he became a mediator. [6:25] Do Rick and Diane believe that co-parenting can be an easy transition? What do they typically see during their mediations? [8:29] What is parallel parenting? [13:56] How do you adjust your parenting with parallel parenting? [15:08] What do Rick and Diane advise when working with a couple as parenting coordinators? [18:53] What can you do when the co-parent isn’t cooperating? What’s the best way to set boundaries? [25:12] Why is a parenting plan so important?

Key Takeaways: 

Put your arguments in perspective, are the things you are arguing about really going to matter in 10 years. And if they will matter in 10 years, then make the decision based on what’s best for your children, not just arguing because that’s what YOU wanted. 

Do not get yourself in a double bind of always giving the other parent everything they want and getting nothing in return. Not only are you violating your parenting plan, but you are also setting yourself up for a risk of them using your generosity against you in the future. 

Parallel parenting is when you are able to come from a place of “I am a parent, you are a parent, but we are not parents together.” Coming from this place can help you stay in your own lane and be responsible for your actions, not your co-parents actions. 

Quotes: 

“The only reason you walk out of there with a parenting plan is to protect the children.” - Rick Voyles

“The kids don't suffer because of lack of cooperation. They suffer because of the presence of conflict. So it's not that you need to be cooperative in order for the kids to be okay. You need to have a style in which there isn't conflict.” - Diane Dierks

Guest Bio: 

Diane Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Georgia. She is Executive Director of the Center for Navigating Family Change, a non-profit that provides co-parent education and other services for the courts. She is also co-host of the podcast Co-Parent Dilemmas.

Rick Voyles is Diane's podcast co-host. He is CEO of the Center for Dispute Solutions. He is also a published author, mediator and anger management specialist.

Listeners may contact us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail on our website at www.CPDilemmas.com.

Link to free giveaway would be a download of our email protocol sample court order and workshop workbook that can be found at www.cnfc.org/documents. 

The Amazon link to our new podcast companion journal is at https://www.amazon.com/Am-NON-Impossible-12-Week-Journey-Co-Parenting/dp/0974525448.

Resources: 

Sample Court Order and Workshop Workbook

Podcast Companion Journal

Co-Parent Dilemmas Website

Non-Impossible Facebook Group

LinkedIn Professionals Group

Co-Parent Dilemmas Instagram

Dianne's Twitter

Co-Parent Dilemmas YouTube Channel

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast