Doing Divorce Different with Lesa Koski

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. This week, Lesa reflects on her conversation with forensic accountant Tracey Coenen. While a divorcing couple utilizing mediation may not need a forensic accountant per se, it is still a good idea to gain an understanding of your combined and individual finances. If you are not in charge of the finances, please do not feel ashamed for not having this information. Lesa touches on different ways you can start this process and create a spending plan for the future. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Fraud Coach Website

Fraud Coach Website - Doing Divorce Different Resources

Book: Find Me The Money: Take Control, Uncover the Truth, and Win the Money You Deserve In Your Divorce

Book: Lifestyle Analysis in Divorce Cases: Investigating Spending and Finding Hidden Income and Assets

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

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Today I am joined by forensic accountant, Tracy Coenen. She provides some great information for anyone who wants to get a better handle with their finances and then discusses tips for those going through divorce. Tracy provides a list of red flags to look out for and tells the most common places your spouse may hide money. Then she talks about creating a spending plan and how to take control of your finances so that you can feel empowered. You’ll also hear definitions about financial infidelity and financial abuse and how to handle either of those situations. Tune in to this episode so you can feel confident about your finances! 

In this episode:

[1:47] What is a forensic accountant? [3:28] How can people use Tracy’s Divorce Money Guide? [4:11] What are the financial red flags that people should keep an eye out for? [5:33] If someone is just starting the divorce process, where should they start? [7:38] How to make a spending plan less stressful. [8:31] What is financial infidelity? [10:04] How do you find something that is hidden such as a savings or checking account? [13:12] What is considered financial abuse? [14:30] Who needs a forensic accountant?  [16:30] How to become hands on with finances as you are going through divorce. [18:44] What do you do if statements don’t come through or you don’t have access to something such as a 401K?

Key Takeaways: 

At the beginning of the divorce process (or even more), take a look at your bank statements and get an understanding of how you’ve been spending. Having this information will allow you to dig in and see if there are any odd bank transfers, create a spending plan, and determine what spending needs to continue vs. what luxuries you may need to give up temporarily. Watch for red flags during your relationship. Some red flags are: Being secretive about money

Quotes: 

“How empowering it is to know that you have just gotten in your hot little hands the financial data that can help you figure out all sorts of things. You might never use those documents for whatever reason, you might not end up looking at them, but having them is really empowering.” - Tracy Coenen

“When I think about financial abuse, I think of someone using money to control you, to control your activities. So maybe they're restricting what you can spend, maybe they're taking a microscope to what you're spending every dime of it. Maybe they are not even allowing you to have any money to spend. Or they are recklessly spending, endangering your family, they are hiding money from you, there are all sorts of things that can fall under that umbrella.” - Tracy Coenen

Guest Bio: 

Resources: 

Fraud Coach Website

Fraud Coach Website - Doing Divorce Different Resources

Book: Find Me The Money: Take Control, Uncover the Truth, and Win the Money You Deserve In Your Divorce

Book: Lifestyle Analysis in Divorce Cases: Investigating Spending and Finding Hidden Income and Assets

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Doing Divorce Different Soberlink

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different  

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. During last week’s episode, financial advisor Jamie Lima talked about maintaining balance in your life. This includes going through your budget and dreaming up your future budget. He discussed the importance of finding a balance between saving to prepare for your future, and living in the now. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Allegiant Divorce Solutions Website

Jamie Lima's LinkedIn

Allegiant Divorce Instagram 

Jamie Lima's Instagram 

Allegiant Divorce Facebook Page 

Woodson Wealth Management Facebook Page 

Jamie Lima's TikTok 

Jamie Lima's Twitter 

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Doing Divorce Different Soberlink

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Today I have financial advisor Jamie Lima on the show. Jamie was a child of divorce, went through a challenging divorce of his own, and now helps others understand their finances while facing divorce. During this episode, Jamie provides great advice and tips regarding the steps people should go through while preparing for a divorce. He discusses creating financial balance in your life. Jamie has such a great way of articulating finances, you won’t want to miss this episode! 

In this episode:

[2:21] Jamie tells us his story and background. [7:15] How does Jamie partner with attorneys and mediators through a divorce? [10:19] Jamie tells us about his work and what he does. [12:25] Does Jamie work with individuals or with couples? [17:11] What would be the first thing Jamie would advise someone to do when first going through a divorce. [19:16] What is the next step after understanding your current financial state? [21:38] How to balance out your new budget and lifestyle habits.

Key Takeaways: 

When people can go to someone to get clarity, and understand their values and what they want for the future, they’ll be able to come to the divorce or mediation prepared and knowledgeable. This helps you feel more calm and confident with the future of finances. Determine your financial balance and the vision for your life. Do you want to get to the end of your life and have a million dollars saved up, or do you want to spend some money now and enjoy your life today. What do you want saved for retirement? What do you need to maintain your life post divorce? How do you have fun and enjoy life? Set aside any negative/bitter feelings that you may have when possible and work together to come to a solution for your financial settlement. It can happen where one person is so bitter they are going to make it all difficult, but what they forget is that it’s hurting everyone, including the children. 

Guest Bio: 

I grew up in a family that always seemed to have money challenges. That led me to a career in finance as I wanted to learn and understand how to better support myself and my family. I began my career in 2006 with Morgan Stanley, and in 2011 joined Fidelity Investments. I was responsible for overseeing $1 billion in assets for 450 families and businesses. Today, I primarily focus on mid-career professionals, working to maximize their wealth, so they can do what they love with zero financial stress. I also am a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and founded Allegiant Divorce Solutions in 2023 to help others better prepare for, navigate, and recover financially from divorce. I promised myself early on that I would do whatever was required to ensure that my clients never felt the same struggles related to money that I did. I really love helping clients make important financial decisions and making the puzzle pieces ‘fit’ for them. Outside of work my wife, Dawn, and I spend a lot of time in our Jeep driving the country backroads here in inland San Diego, working around our farm (we currently have sheep, goats, chickens, pigs, ducks, and rabbits!) and trying to keep up with our 5 (yes, 5!) kids.

Resources: 

Allegiant Divorce Solutions Website

Jamie Lima's LinkedIn

Allegiant Divorce Instagram 

Jamie Lima's Instagram 

Allegiant Divorce Facebook Page 

Woodson Wealth Management Facebook Page 

Jamie Lima's TikTok 

Jamie Lima's Twitter 

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Doing Divorce Different Soberlink

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different  

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. Going through a divorce creates a lot of stress, and this week’s guest, Gary Miles gives some great tips on getting through these times with gratitude. Tune in to learn how gratitude and acceptance can help you take control of circumstances. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Gary Miles LinkedIn 

Gary Miles Facebook 

Gary Miles Instagram 

Gary Miles Website 

The Free Lawyer Podcast

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Today I have attorney Gary Miles on the podcast. His mission in his practice is to provide practical tools to help his clients overcome obstacles freeing them to enjoy the success and freedom they crave. Throughout this episode he gives so many incredible tips for working through stressors while going through difficult times. He talks about the benefits of mediation, and how oftentimes the decisions you can reach together will be more beneficial than the conclusions a judge will reach. Gary discusses the importance of gratitude and mentorship to help stay in a positive place. Tune in to fill yourself up with positivity and uplifting advice! 

In this episode:

[3:12] Gary shares his story about how he got started in law and what led him to become an attorney. [5:06] Why is being in a high high place not healthy for Gary? [6:35] How did Gary’s recovery impact his career? [9:10] How people can handle stressors while going through a difficult time. [11:57] Gary shares the benefits of mediation. [14:50] How does mediation work when someone cannot feel safe due to a form of abuse? [17:21] Can mediation work with a narcissist?  [19:37] How to use mentorship to help people through difficult things you’ve gone through. [25:15] Gary’s advice on what you can do today to stay balanced.

Key Takeaways: 

Find the gift in everything. We cannot control our lives, things are going to happen that are difficult, but finding the gifts and trusting that everything will work out the way it is meant to is a great way to have a positive mindset. Working through mediation and coming to an agreement between the two of you will end up being better than any court appointed judge could decide for you and your family. Although you may not get everything you want, it lessens the likelihood of there being resentment because you were able to talk through it and reach a decision together. Practice gratitude - every day for a month, write down 3 things you're grateful for every morning. You cannot write down the same thing twice. Every night, write down the things that happened that day that you're grateful for. Review the morning and evening list every day. 

Quotes: 

“If parties can reach their own decision, two things happen always. One, it's a better decision for themselves and for the kids. The court could never decide something better for the parties then they could jointly agree themselves. And the second is it's much more enforceable, it's much less likely to be contested because this was our agreement.” - Gary Miles

Guest Bio: 

Gary Miles has been practicing law for more than four decades, primarily in litigation and, more recently, in family law. He has been a trial lawyer, managing partner, author, leader, and entrepreneur. He loves helping folks solve their problems. He is passionate about showing people how to free themselves from the prisons that entrap them. 

He has seen the pressures we face in the legal profession. He is dedicated to helping his clients achieve fulfillment in their practice. He provides practical tools to help his clients overcome obstacles freeing them to enjoy the success and freedom they crave.

He loves supporting lawyers and lifting the legal profession. He hosts a podcast, The Free Lawyer, with two weekly episodes. He enjoys his Pinehurst, NC, home with his wife, Brenda, and their two beautiful English Goldens. They have five children and five grandchildren (so far!). 

Resources: 

Gary Miles LinkedIn 

Gary Miles Facebook 

Gary Miles Instagram 

Gary Miles Website 

The Free Lawyer Podcast

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. On this week’s podcast, Lesa reflects on her discussion with mediator and family therapist, Brian Burns. Lesa shares about the importance of accountability and humility during the divorce process. She also shares great tips on how to look at divorce as an opportunity for growth. Lesa also discusses the importance of communicating and showing up from an honest, grounding place of truth. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Brian Burns Website

Podcast: Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce

Podcast: Design Your Divorce

Podcast: How do I Know it is Time to Divorce

Bad Weather Podcast

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

This week I have my favorite marriage and family therapist, Brian Burns, on the show to discuss how you know when it's time to divorce, how to tell your spouse that you want a divorce, as well as determining what’s next in the divorce process. The episode is packed full of great information for tackling this difficult time in your life, and leaves you feeling a sense of relief by laying out the process to get you through. Tune in today to learn Lesa’s three steps to getting through the divorce process! 

In this episode:

[3:48] Brian shares about his new podcast and what it’s about. [6:02] How do you know when it’s time to divorce? [10:18] Are there general guidelines on how to tell your spouse that you want a divorce? [13:42] Lesa shares her three steps of getting ready to go through the divorce process. [17:30] How to decide what you want your divorce process to look like?

Key Takeaways: 

When you have a good facilitator/professional who can help you ask questions, communicate, advocate, to work through your divorce when possible. This will save you time and money. You’ll know it is time to ask for a divorce if you have looked in the mirror and gotten clear on what your fault is in the relationship, worked on that issue, and see that there is still no way to come out on the other side. There are exceptions of this such as abusive/toxic relationships. Creating a vision for the way you want your divorce to go and what you want your life to look like on the other side is a great way to set yourself up while going through a difficult time like divorce. Keep your children front and center on the decisions that you make, and use your vision as your north star. 

Quotes: 

“There's a lot of evidence or research that if you make it past the stressful years of raising young children and managing two jobs and a house, that things get better as long as you kinda don't destroy yourselves in the process.” - Brian Burns

“Divorce is a legal thing because marriage is a contract, a legal contract. But it's much more a relational, emotional, financial family thing. So it makes sense to get as much information as you can about how to navigate it from a relational standpoint, you know, talk to therapists or family experts or financial information from your own budgeting or financial neutrals. And then when it's time, figure out how the law will impact it.” - Brian Burns

Guest Bio: 

I’m Brian Burns, and I have been practicing as a licensed family therapist since January 1999. I specialize in helping adults in the midst of relationship crises restore trust, intimacy, and communication. Whenever possible, I prefer to help couples save and strengthen their marriages or committed relationships. However, not all relationships can (or should) stay together. In these cases, I help the couple end the relationship in a way that is healthy for everyone, especially when there are children involved. I am also a certified mediator, parenting coach, and Rule-29 Neutral in the State of MN. This means I have the skills and experience necessary to help parents who are divorced to make agreements about parenting in a collaborative and child-centered manner. I believe that even though conflict and fear can bring out the worst in people, everyone has the capacity to be a better version of themselves, and that our children need us to give it all we have to be our best.

Resources: 

Brian Burns Website

Podcast: Talking to Your Spouse About Divorce

Podcast: Design Your Divorce

Podcast: How do I Know it is Time to Divorce

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

Saddle Up Segments are bite-size, bonus episodes offering one thing our listeners can do right away to add value to their life. On this week's episode I had Jackie Pilossoph of Divorced Girl Smiling on the podcast and she walks through how to heal a broken heart. She talks about the importance of understanding why the breakup is happening and taking accountability for the things you can control. She also talks about taking mini steps to be more successful with the things you want to change in your life. Like what you're hearing? Be sure to check out the full-length episodes and new releases every Tuesday. 

Resources

Divorce Girl Smiling 

Lesa Koski Website  

Lesa’s Online Courses 

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast

On today’s episode, I have the joy of speaking with Divorced Girl Smiling, Jackie Pilossoph. Jackie is such a light in this world, and a leader in helping connect those going through a divorce with the best resources out there. We talk about what it feels like to end any type of relationship, whether it be a friendship or a romantic partnership, the pain is similar and can turn your world upside down. Jackie talks about leaning in to your feelings and emotions in order to come out on the other side stronger. Tune in to hear the positivity that Jackie radiates and how to understand why the heartbreak hurts so much in the first place.

In this episode:

[2:10] Jackie shares what led her down the path to be the Divorced Girl Smiling. [5:10] What made Jackie write her article about heartbreak? [6:47] Understanding the why around heartbreak is the first step to working through it. [11:28] When to let go of the hope that things will change. [14:16] What does Jackie mean when she says she is tired of being hurt? [16:35] Breaking up with a friend vs. a lover - they are one in the same. [17:34] Jackie talks about how she was forcing things to be right even though they weren’t right for her. [19:25] What happens when you really love someone, but there is just no way to fix the relationship? [22:25] Understanding anxiety and how to manage it. 

Key Takeaways: 

The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. You can only control yourself, you can make all the changes you want in yourself, but you can’t make your spouse change. Acknowledging all of your feelings and emotions are the healthiest way to get through the pain. People who don’t acknowledge all the feelings, they get angry and bitter. If you have the vulnerability and the guts to say what you are actually experiencing then it will help you in healing quicker. If you make little changes, one a week, and focus on that one change for the full week. If you have little changes, you’ll stick to them and then you can build on that new habit. 

Quotes: 

“Next time you feel that way, you should say to yourself, Don’t I deserve better? Do I really deserve to be treated this way?” - Jackie Pilossoph

“You finally come to this point where you realize that if it's not right it's just never gonna work no matter how hard you try. And the other thing I tell people is that both people have to really want it to work. And if they don't, you don't have any chance. If one wants it to work that's not enough. Commitment is the biggest force in keeping couples together. I believe that love is a choice.” - Jackie Pilossoph

“We fall in love and we ignore the bad behavior and the red flags because we, we don't wanna see that it's too painful. We're not ready to break up. We're still in love with a lot of other aspects of the person, so nobody's all good or all bad. And so we don't wanna see those signs.” - Jackie Pilossoph

Guest Bio: 

Jackie Pilossoph is the creator and Editor-in-chief of DIVORCED GIRL SMILING, a media company comprised of a website, podcast, mobile app and vetted, trusted professional resources.  DGS has a mission to empower, connect and inspire men and women before, during and after divorce. Pilossoph, who holds a Masters degree in Broadcast Journalism, is a former television news reporter and features reporter and writer for the Chicago Tribune. Her syndicated weekly column, LOVE ESSENTIALLY, was published in The Pioneer Press, The Chicago Tribune, and all Tribune Publishing editions for 6 1/2 years. Pilossoph was also a Huffington Post divorce blogger for five years.

Resources: 

Divorce Girl Smiling 

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe and to receive $50 off your Soberlink device, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different

The Onward app was made for divorced parents to help track, share, and split their children's expenses. Download The Onward App today for iOS or Android!

Mentioned in this episode:

Saddle Up Live Podcast Ad

Do you love Doing Divorce Different and want to hear more from Lesa Koski and her amazing guests? Tune in to the Saddle Up Live Podcast, a transformative podcast tailored for women aged 40 and beyond, where courage, God's grace, and a touch of sass are the driving forces behind conquering life's challenges.

Saddle Up Live Podcast